Dark souls weep in the night
Forsaken love seeps between their fingers
Never again to come within their sights
The pain and misery of their loss lingers
To lose, to hurt, to feel anger is to lose purity
Purity is something that’s in no one’s possession
It starts out in our heart, filling us with serenity
But fades as we continue the pain and anger collection
Purity gives way to darkness as our hearts change
Darkness fills everyone and always will forevermore
Purity slips out and lingers just beyond range
Darkness pierces our soul, right through the core
Complete purity is impossible among man
Unheard of in the ears of our mortal kin
Purity is what we chase, but reach it? No one can
Because of our mortal souls and indefinite sin.
Our pain and sorrow lurk deep, completely shadowed
No colors dance around before our dark eyes
No happiness and serenity upon us is bestowed
Our love and compassion quickly gives way to lies
As we reach through sorrow, completely in vain
Our hearts cry out to caress the sweet love of purity
Our hopes are washed away in the night’s dark rain
Purity laughs from the shadows, denying us serenity
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,698 Literary Works • 673,642 Reviews
On one place I could see the punctuation on others-no.I do not know If I was the only one actually seeing this as something that maybe needs to be correct.I do not know.Well I will not find anything else to complain about.XD
It is really amazing!I am honest.Maybe only that on some places the rhyme was just too odd for me to get it.Maybe It needs to be read in a different pace so you can actually get the rhyme right out of everything.But overall the rhyme is made well and mostly(maybe everywhere) the rhyme is well thought and connected to the theme.
Very good job!
Hello! I'm here to review your poem. It was very well written, so you made it difficult for me to find any constructive criticism. I will point out a couple of personal nit-picks though.
The first thing I noticed was a complete lack of end punctuation, except for in the third to last stanza. If you choose not to have end punctuation, that's fine, but it should be consistent. So I would suggest either taking out the period at the end of the stanza or going back and adding a period at the end of all of your stanzas.
The only other nit-pick I have is this line:
"But fades as we continue the pain and anger collection"
It may just be the way I was reading it, but it sounded kind of weird to me. It seems this line was only added for sake of keeping a consistent rhyme scheme. In other words, the rhyme sounded a bit forced. I would reword it to make it sound more natural, but that's just a suggestion.
Anyway, that's all I have for you. This was a beautifully written, sad poem and I loved your descriptions. Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night!
THANKS FOR THE REVIEW BUT HOW DID YOU DO THE SCROLLY THINGY
Haha you can find the list of different things you can do with the text here--> The Big Book of YWS Codes
But basically, you just do [ marquee ] enter text here [ / marquee ] without the spaces.
Hello! I haven't done many reviews on here so I'm still learning, please bear with me.
I really enjoyed this poem, I think it holds a lot of emotion and the subject matter is a really interesting and unique one. I liked your word choice and my favourite line is probably"Our hopes are washed away in the night's dark rain"
The only thing I noticed was that it would be good to establish a bit more of a rhythm to the poem. The rhyming is good but because the lines are quite long, I think it can be difficult to read it in the right way so that the rhythm is heard, if that makes sense? Maybe try and make sure the lines are roughly the same in length.
Apart from that it was really enjoyable to read, again please feel free to ignore my advice if you want, I'm trying my best but my reviewing skills need practice. Hope you have a lovely day/night!
Hello, Sarah12. Just dropping a review at your feet.
I like purity and this poem as well. I don't really have anything to say about. I thought it was very enjoyable and it doesn't need to be edited. Sorry I cant make this review longer. I wish I could be of more help to you but I cant. Let me just say it was well written and I hope to read more from you in the future. Keep writing so I can keep reviewing!
This was really sad.
~Keepwriting