The turgid leaf withstands the rain,
I sing out my heartache to release my pain,
No lion ever cuts his mane,
I stand.
.
Steel may make the buildings strong,
But what makes a man? knowing right from wrong,
And I, as a god amid that maddened throng,
I stand.
.
A sword is never dull but once,
I am a genius, not a dunce,
I hold my own for eras, not months,
I stand.
.
A typhoon storm approaches me,
The ocean’s tide has none of mercy,
I am dry, still on the beach though I touched the sea,
I stand.
.
No matter what they ever say,
No matter who steps in my way,
I keep on walking, let them lay,
I stand.
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137,429 Literary Works • 672,015 Reviews
Permit me to feature a bit.
Far be it that I turn back now
Ten toes on the peak of defeat
Whilst the terror howl in pack
I stand.
Hell yeah! Love it!
This poem is just so powerful and uplifting, I just can't. This raised my self-confidence today.
''The turgid leaf withstands the rain,
I sing out my heartache to release my pain,''
Already into the poem and I am LOVING IT. I like how you, how do I put this into words? I like how you throughout the poem used examples to describe how tall you stand how big and strong you are.
''No matter what they ever say,
No matter who steps in my way,
I keep on walking, let them lay,
I stand.''
As we progressively get to the end of the poem, the narrator's conviction of them being stronger, and standing taller grows. This ending hit a home run. With so many negative things surrounding us in the world, having that self-conviction makes you grow stronger each day.
Loved it, and keep writing friend!
xoxo, lovelydove
Hi there! I wasnt even going to write a review but a few things caught my eye that I'd like to point out.
First off though, I love love love the cover art. Very moody and resolute and im always a sucker for any sort of ballad or sea shanty which this might not technically be, but feels like it would fit into that sort of style. I also really appreciate poetry that follows some sort of rhyming pattern and order as opposed to a lot of free verse which can have me feeling lost in the weeds.
I am gonna second what Alex said about ease and release. I also wonder if sing is too happy of a word for pain? I know people sing in pain and sad and emo songs are a whole thing, but it cuts the tension a bit and I think there could be stronger word choices for it.
In a different poem this might not even stand out, pun intended, but this is the only question in the poem. The narrator is otherwise quite resolute aka standing on their beliefs. I think changing the question mark to "is" would really drive home the resolved nature of the voice. They arent asking themselves or us, they are telling us what they already have learned.
This is a preference, but i think keeping the pronoun "I" reserved for the final line gives it some more.oomph and finality. I also think the "I," really breaks up the rhythm and flow of this specific line.
This is my least favorite stanza. It feels a bit all over the place to me. Firstly, swords dull all the tkme if you are using them at all. You constantly have to resharpen any sort of blades whether mower or kitchen knife or sword. The second line feels a bit on the nose and kinda repetitive on how smart the narrator is. If you are a genius its quite implied you are not a dunce. The third line really drags on the rhythm until I read it a few times.
On a larger note I think some.of.these stanza could focus more on one specific thing. Your second to last stanza does this with typhoon and tide and beach. I'd like to see more of that. Swords, dances, and lengths of time arent held together by much of a through line.
A typhoon IS a storm so this feels wordy to me. "Approaches" is also a very mild description. Rushes, creeps, towers etc all convey more dread or fear or inevitability.
In the first line we have literal physical confrontation but then for your resolving and final obstacle its just "let them lay" which feels antithetical to this whole poem. It's about standing despite being shaken, blockaded, attacked, and belittled. So for the antagonist as it were, to just roll over, feels like less of a crescendo.
I hope this helps! If you have any questions please let me know
~Messy
Hey there, Samhain! Welcome back to YWS after your time away. This is Alex, and I'll be reviewing this poem of yours I found in the Green Room today. Let's dive right in!
First, a minor complaint for the title. For such a catchy hook of 'I stand' you've established in the poem, I'd very much expect it to be the title itself. 'Stand' is good enough I guess, but why settle when you can have the best?
Moving on to a more generic outlook now. The rhyme scheme is quite simple yet flows well. The concept of - aaab cccb dddb eeeb fffb is like nothing I've seen before, and yet effortlessly simple and grounded. Kudos for the innovation!
The tone has definitely got to be a highlight of the piece, it has a certain motivating quality to it. It fills up with a sense of determination, as if you can move mountains. Not many poets yield the power for such impact, so this is surely commendable.
I also noticed a latent pattern of pace, and I'm not sure if it was intentional. The odd stanzas are more chaotic and eventful while the even stanzas felt more coherent and anchored. The first, third and fifth stanzas- they all alternate varying descriptions as if jumping from one to the next. The second is a little bit of both but feels mostly coherent as a whole. The lines are spilling into each other with the implications. Strong - knowing right from wrong - being God can all be tied to being a powerful individual comparable to the creater Himself. While the second is still transitioning, the fourth is entirely based on a single imagery of a wave washing over the narrator. It offers a change from the repeated claims, giving a tinge of 'show not tell' to the poetry.
I do like the overall concept and how you've carried it very much! I did have a few nitpicks though, if you'd entertain them-
'Ease' instead of 'release' fits the meter a lot better, doesn't it?
I felt this might need a little fixing. I think I know what to do..
A typhoon's wave approaches me,
The ocean’s tide shows no mercy,
I remain dry, though I touched the sea,
I believe 'all' in place of 'ever' works better here.
Gentle reminder that they're all merely my own suggestions, based on personal preferences. Feel free to retain your poetic choices if you so feel shall be best. Have a wonderful day, it was a pleasure reviewing this for you!
Love, Alex
My goodness, there's really something here. Something powerful. And by the end of it, I feel like I took mushrooms or something, lol.
The first mention of the lion, by the end of that line, you already know that there's like a, um, what's the word... self affirmation. Lions are symbolism for pride. This leads me to feel that the speaker identifies him/herself with a strong majesty. I feel that the speaker is a male, so that's just how it's impacting me honestly. The second stanza is like taking, um, a dominant position over the physical-material realm, putting moral excellence above it, not only in importance but in ability to keep things standing. Third stanza makes me feel like the speaker was betrayed but isn't gonna fall for that again. The part where I hold my own for eras struck me, and then it made even more sense by the fourth and fifth lines where there's this paranormal quality to the speaker, being unable to become wet in the midst of the storm next to an ocean. Plus it could also be symbolism for, um... no matter how chaotic things get, you stay way untouched by it, because the speaker STANDS. And then right when you think it might be a mountain or cliff face or some kind of immovable rock formation, the speaker who's been standing WALKS AWAY. That's crazy.
Lemme see... as far as, bcuz this has to be a review, right? and it isn't a review if I don't give grows as well... lemme see... Honeslty, it's really tough to make a judgment after rereading it many times and milking all the meaning i could out of it. Maybe you can compare your intent with how it impacted me with the block of text above? I think yes i'll say that stanza three is probably, how do i say this, if you find that the poem needed more love, i'd say put it on stanza 3. Call it personal preference but my reasoning behind that is... In my opinion, stanza 3 is the only one that doesn't have an environmental picture to it. I'm talking in my mind's eye, it got used to picturing cool stuff, before this part, and after is spectacular as well, 4 having a very dynamic picture of literally water crashing against rock cliffs and then 5 for having such an intense way of turning all of the vivid imagery into a hot plate of direction and confidence. WELL DONE!