If Life was a sea, Joy the ship to sail
There’d be song and dance, laminar the trail
“Rejoice!” captain shouting to the first mate
Halt! Life as it is, kicks in bloody ill FATE.
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139,402 Literary Works • 672,552 Reviews
I'm not exactly sure what the purpose of focus is for this piece.
I like the fact it is short and simple.
Connotations between life and joy make it a happy piece to read, or so I thought, until I got to the end.
Your use of language fascinated me because you used a word I had to Google.
'laminar' Reading and learning good so that's cool. And you didn't do it often, which made the rest of the piece enjoyable.
I found this to be a very commanding piece to read.
Really good, thanks for the link.
Thanks for the review. Hope to receive more of these in the future.
Excellent!
This isn't a review by the way xD
Ausgezeichnet!
Doskonały!
Excelente!
Eccellente!
优
отлично!
There's "excellent" in seven different languages.
-CFG
%u0927%u0928%u094D%u092F%u0935%u093E%u0926 (dhanyabad)
Thank you
Merci
%u3042%u308A%u304C%u3068%u3046
Gracias
Diolch
Rahmat
And here's "Thank you" in seven languages. (btw the first one is in 'Nepali', not to be confused with 'Hindi'). Thanks for the comment CFG.
*five languages-since two of them didn't work..xD
Aha! I had the aid of Google Translate ;D Great work though!
This is probably the most unique poem about life I've read, and a somewhat positive one. Is a beautiful comparison of life and nautical adventures. Seriously, I don't even know how you managed to pull that off. I'd fail at it, is brilliant!
And I love how you phrase it as well and everything, the word choice, down to how you've written it is just amazing.
I can't quote since I'm on my phone and I'm just too lazy. But by linking it to nautical things, you've created a very clear picture here. Beautiful imagery! Also, the simple rhyme and rhythm works so well and makes the poem flow so smooth. Great job! I truly enjoyed reading this poem.
-L
Hi! I'm glad that you enjoyed this. Thanks for the review. And I would like to acknowledge that you write amazing poems yourself. I read some before, and they were great.
My pleasure, eh, I think yours is better. Mine are just weird ramblings.
hey there
first i wanna say that i realy enjoyed reading your poem , it has a great idea ..
so there are the things i liked about your poem :
1- the imagery , so genius i love it .
2- the rhythm , it's the most amazing thing about your work .
3-i loved this expression “Rejoice!” , it made the poem alive .
in general , so meaningful poem .
keep up the good writing
smile
Thank you for the review. I am glad you liked it.
you're welcome
Hi! Reviewing a short poem is kinda hard, huh? Well, I'm trying to get into the best interpretation within your poem.
Look into the title alone, it's definitely the theme of life. Life that is like the sea, sometimes turbulent, sometimes calm for us to sail across "the ocean".
But in this poem, the poet seems to give the message that we accept our lives with what is given. By understanding what life is.
I simply love the connotation within the poem itself.
Imagery
Imagery that you gave, gives the reader an experience when reading it. You portray life as a sea and we as a sailing ship trying to find happiness. And all of those images make readers experience things vividly.
I actually like the metaphor you created, although it seems to have a cliche, by assuming life as the sea. But you make it different by giving the characters in the poem along with narrative elements.
I wonder who is actually the captain is. Maybe god, someone who close to us? There are many things to be considered with this symbol.
Musical Device
I see your poem have a repetition of ending sounds between words(Rhyme). It's pleasing to the ear and absolutely fun to create!
I also can feel how the rhyme affect its meaning and tone. Good job!
Overall
It is indeed a great poem to read. I am happy to explore the contents implied in it. Keep it up! Kudos, cheers
Thank you. And wow! you write great reviews. Cheers!