Yesterday I visited a garden
What a lush greenery it had
Sparkles present in the water
And the nature's hat!
The essence of the flowers
Made me look in wonder
And when the cool breeze hit
It made me shiver like thunder
I will visit again
But with a camera in my hand
And capture the nature's beauty
I thought it never had!
~SMULKI
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139,269 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
hiii @SMulki!
a short, lovely poem indeed.
uh...still would have been better if more words were added ( just my opinion)
Can improve in vocabulary, just try to add new phrases. Those little details add up beauty to poem.
"
The essence of the flowers
Made me look in wonder
And when the cool breeze hit
It made me shiver like thunder"
I like this part!!
it has a sweetness in it.
The way you have appreciated the nature's beauty is perfect.
" Lush green" really suits well here.
But ya again, you can always add up words like melody of chirping birds,
serenity of streams, busy bees, blooming lilies ( just random examples)
I hope this review helps !
KEEP WRITING !
Hi SMulki, just here to leave a review of your work!
This poem is short and sweet, which matches the sweetness of the tone that explores and appreciates the beauty of nature and the want to capture it.
I didn't even realize it was a rhyming poem until I was further in reading, which means it was well done, as it didn't stick out like a sore thumb. My only critique is with the last 4 lines, the words "hand" in line 10 and "had" in line 12, the rhyme didn't quite match up. While the tone and imagery of the poem is pleasant, the last word of the poem being a "perfect" rhyme would end the poem on an even stronger note.
The imagery incapsulated in this poem is quite nice: the "lush greenery", "nature's hat", "shiver like thunder", all really lovely phrasing that push this appreciation for nature. I also like the title "A DAY IN MAGIC" with the magic referring to nature. The imagery provided also gives that sense of whimsy in nature, almost witch-like!
Overall this poem was lovely. Thank you for sharing and keep writing! ♡
I love that you added a twist near the end of the poem about how we contextualize nature and reality in the modern world (the camera). I also enjoyed the rhyme scheme that you carried throughout the poem. One suggestion for the future is to include more specific sensory imagery in your work. Rather than saying “the essence of flowers,” describe what the essence feels or looks like. Is it a specific color? A type of emotion evoked by the flowers? Are they reminiscent of a specific time or place? These will add depth to your writing (which is already fairly good and is incredible for a 12-year-old). Good luck with your writing journey.