Uberhero Ch3

Spacing - much better

explaining things - much better

suggestion (don't yell at me!) maybe you ought to put uberhero and decahero in one single book.

"She was too late. Ada was dragged back into the alley with a hand across her mouth to keep her from yelling."

Omit "to keep her from yelling" It's obvious that if he has his hand over her mouth that he's trying to keep her from yelling.

Boys and girls suddenly appeared from nowhere, anticipating.

"anticipating" doesn't really fit here. "waiting" would be a better word.

"but stayed close enough do push her back into the ring." "do" should be "to"

"Before he had even gotten his fists up, or even rarer, a knife, she hit him in the shoulder." A few sentences later, you mention that he got out his knife, so I recomend you delete "or even rarer, a knife," since he's going to get his knife out later.

As canislupis says, "SPACE IT OUT"

Really good ending. But I'm confused. I might have been reading decahero and uberhero back and forth without noticing the difference, but last time I read about Ada, she was with Elena.

This was pretty good, but I feel that there is definitely room for improvement.

I only have a few comments, so here they are.

First of all, you have quite a few tense errors, especially in the first paragraph. There are a few places were it got confusing as well.

I noticed that some of the sentences are really choppy.

Lastly, you NEED to SPACE THIS OUT!! At least one blank line should be between the paragraphs, and between dialogue as well. When its all cramped up like this, it makes it really hard to read.

So again, it needs some work but as it is, it is pretty good. I'll be interested to see how it develops later on


PM me with questions or commets

Nice!
I haven't really got anything constructive to say...
But that's because I can't think of anything that needs to be changed.
I'm a fan of writing violence scenes myself, actually. I found yours was uite interesting;
Keep up the good work!