Published November 15, 2011
Mirror and jewel...
You look same with your miracle reflection,
but mirror,you're priceless
While jewel,you're precious!
Jewel...
you make people admire me,
when you be my necklace.
You make me proud,
you make me blind,but still..
Everybody wants you!
Mirror...
Priceless,
magical,but still..
Nobody realize it!
Between mirror and jewel,
what are your choices,old friends?
"Jewel,is beautiful for you
but wait..Let me take the mirror first."
Then you'll see what people can see,but you can't.
Just with the mirrow!
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141,397 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
okay,i admit it.iam lack in imaginary.Lol.thanks comment,i'll improve it,sir..
I believe the idea of the mirror's worth and the jewelries that everyone want or price is an exceptional one.
I was however disappointed with how it was brought across in a more.....enchanting or better phrased. So that is my problem with this piece: awesome idea but badly worded.
You some grammar errors which can just be corrected by reading over.
Then there was that small typo at the end,
I think that if you maybe increase the length or further explain your points it would surely come across in a better way.
You have a really great idea, just needs some editing and I sure it will be perfect.
Keep writing, enjoy every minute of it and let the true spirit of writing guide you
Peace,
Kimmybee
I like the concept it's pretty cool, but you're lacking imagery and that would give these two things real contrast.
You need to show them how they would affect the reader and thus letting us relate.
And you should fill in some blanks, like what no one realises about the mirror through this imagery perhaps hiding it there. Granted I assume you're talking that no one knows the mirror is priceless, because it lets us see ourselves. But that's about all we can get.
As for the ending I am not sure what you're even saying. You should rephrase that to be more clear.
Other than that, good luck,
keep writing.
Silented1.