Young Writers Society

Scripting writing is a craft that must be understood - if you want to be an outstanding screen writer you must pay attention to the rules.

You did not pay attention to the rules of screen writing and that makes your script boring and unprofessional.

Honestly, i commend your effort so far, you are able to manage your character and dialogue properly - it gives me the courage to go through your script.

anyway, i frown with the title of your script; my dear, the title of your script is a crucial element of your writing - please work on that in your next writing; i will be glad if you do as i request.

CHARACTERS:

REFEREE (EXTRA ONLY)

TEAM ONE PLAYER 1 (OP1)

TEAM ONE PLAYER 2 (OP2)

TEAM ONE PLAYER 3 (OP3)

TEAM ONE PLAYER 4 (OP4)

TEAM TWO PLAYER 1 (TP1)

TEAM TWO PLAYER 2 (TP2)

TEAM TWO PLAYER 3 (TP3) - THE GOOD ONE

TEAM TWO PLAYER 4 (TP4)

i guess these are your character but you did not have characters name. (in a good script character name is not suppose to be missing).

I will classify your writing on Short script and they are terminology of writing such script - i will be giving you some tips and i hope you will implement them in your next writing.

A short film script can be a great calling card for a writer. Short films aren’t a lesser form of cinematic storytelling. In fact writing them requires the exact same skills as writing a feature length script - though on a smaller scale.

There are 7 rules you should remember when writing a short film:

but i will be giving you just three.

1. The Shorter the Better

A short film can be anything from fifteen seconds to forty five minutes in length. Make your short film script as short as possible because the shorter the short, the less costly it will be to produce

2. Make It Visual

“Film is a visual medium”. “Show, don’t tell.” Those are the golden rules of screenwriting the gurus keep telling us. Yet it’s astonishing to see how talky most scripts are. Film is about telling stories in pictures, which is the most economical way of telling a story – and when you make a short film, economy is everything.

3. Engage the Reader

Since you have so little time to make an impression the impact of page one is crucial, just as it is crucial to hook the reader in the first 10 pages of a feature length script. What is the world of the film? Do we root for the main character? Does the world and story of the film feel authentic? The ending is also essential as it’s rare to truly feel moved at the end of a short, so work towards a meaningful, satisfying ending.

Generally, you did very well and i know you will do better in your next writing.

Happy you..

Hey hello! How's it going for you? I'm Ind and I'm here with a review for you.

I like the concept here. It's not cliché but not that uncommon too. Your poem made me think about "Toy Story" the movie I adore! I loved how you made the poem rhyme time to time. Had a great fun reading this! ^_^ Your previous reviewer senor Odd has already left you a very helpful review and I think it's unnecessary to repeat them.

But, yes, :3 I think you should try using spaces between the lines. Stanzas should make your work look perfect! The use of punctuations was little messy at places, like you didn't use periods enough and all. The last three lines again I found little weird and didn't exactly understand what you tried to mean. So, that's it. Great read, overall!

Have a great day and keep writing! x

Why is everything written in all-caps? It makes this difficult to read without imagining all of the people shouting.

There are a couple instances of confusing word choice in this script. I noticed this one in particular:

"TRY BETTER THIS SHOT."

Did you mean time instead of shot?

There were also two references to things that I did not understand:

"JUST DO IT IN SCHOOL, AS SOON AS THE ASSIGNMENTS HAVE BEEN GIVEN."

Do what in school? This is never made clear, and I don't really understand it.

"SO WHAT? I MEAN CRISIS CAN HAVE A HIDDEN OPPORTUNITY, RIGHT?"

Who/what is Crisis? Is this just a cultural reference that's gone over my head?

I would suggest a better excuse for why the guy joins their team and to provide names for the players in order to make the script easier to read.

It is difficult to critique this a whole, as I can tell that it is a school project, and that you don't really intend to put a whole lot of time and resources into it's production. For a very simple story it's perfectly functional.