Young Writers Society

Hi!

This was brilliant. I love the way you bring us into the life of this woman and how you slowly introduce us to her world and the way it works. From the very first paragraph, we get an idea about this person and how neat and organized her world is. Nothing is out of place, everything is where it is supposed to be. Until him, of course.

"He crept into her life like a sudden breath of fresh air in an otherwise suffocated room. Air that enters the room; unknowingly at first, until it slowly but gradually fills up the room with its freshness and makes you feel that you can no longer do without and you wonder how you lived for so long without its sweet presence."

I loved this introduction. We don't necessarily know anything about this man, except how his presence impacted her life, and I don't think you could have done it more perfectly. It was wonderful and it shows how suddenly a stranger can fill up your entire life and turn it upside down.

"She was unprepared for him..........He showed her a world she never thought she had ever wanted. She suddenly longed for it."

These were some wonderful lines and I absolutely love how you portrayed her emotions.

" But her harmonious life was calling out to her with a sense of guilt, a sense of duty and a sense of obligation to steer her back onto her peaceful course."

I personally cannot understand her position, because my life is a series of whims and wishes. But I can feel her dilemma, I can feel her need to go back to the familiarity of the known and at the same time I can feel her reluctance to give him up. So well done.

This was a beautiful piece of work and I look forward to more.

Have fun writing!

Hi, Ruthie4u!

Wow...this was great. It perfectly paints the feeling of falling in love and realizing the person isn't enough.

I loved how you described "him". What he did for her. Like in the lines, "He showed her a world she never thought she had ever wanted". I thought that was a great line because people can always change their perspective on the world.

I also enjoyed the line "she was unprepared for him". It made the woman sound like she was a very plan-everything-through type of person. It showed she could not seem to analyze or understand this new person.

Great job on this! Keep up the great work.

Signed,
Pineapple🍍

This is really good. The Humanistic qualities (that's the best way I can say it). The description of her life was nice, in a depressing sort of way. I like the way you start off, but in the first line, I think there is a typo.
"She had been happy and satisfied with her harmonious life, one that she had created and had content herself with." I think that's it supposed to say contented. Content doesn't work here.
Anyway, I like the tone, you keep the same throughout the whole text. The last line is really good and has a nice reflective quality. That's it for this review, nice work. I love this work and look forward to more. Until next time!