Published June 14, 2016
She is like the sweet,
delictable chocolate I love.
No betrayals,
just sweet, chocolatey, goodness
that doesn't lie and doesn't hurt anyone
unless it's frozen.
If she's ever iced over,
that'd be the way she'd hurt people.
That's how she'd turn on people,
but I am doubtful she'll ever become icey.
I don't know how she could ever
forgive people who have hurt her.
It's just her sweetness.
Home, such a frozen place,
didn't want her going after me,
making the only warmth
suffocate itself with longing.
Torture cage with little birds
singing their sweet songs to her,
only to be crushed for profit.
Her heart broken by their squeals,
songs of pain as sugar rained.
I don't think I've ever met anyone else who comes
from such frozen places
with such a warm heart.
Her heart's such a swell of tender heat,
I've found myself
frightened it might melt,
but she's the only one
who didn't let herself burn out.
But she seems to have it mastered somehow,
that delicate balance between frozen and molten.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,860 Literary Works • 672,779 Reviews
Lovely poem, I like the title and the beginning. It's concise, straight to the point and then a little bit into the poem it gets deep showing anoyher side to it. Of course everyone has something about them but I like that you were able to show that "she" didn't let the frozen part touch the warmth.
Then the end, about she mastered it somehow, it's such a cute, sweet ending to something lovely.
And I love the play on words with frozen and molten.
Keep up the good work.
Hey, Dogs here for a review! First off, I loved this poem.
The theme was amazing. I like how you compared her love and her to the chocolate.
The title is what caught my attention. I love chocolate, and when I see it, I want it. You choose a great title for your poem. I think a title like this is what traps the reader in so they'll read it. (If that even makes any since. I think you know what I mean. If not just ask)
Next!!
I loved your choice of wording. I love it when you talk about the frozen place she came from. Her home.
I love how you're comparing how sweet, warm, and loving, this girl is to sweet, and fluffy chocolate. (Well it's sometimes fluffy xD).
I really liked your poem, and I hope you write a ton more like this. Again in future writings, try and keep up the great work on titles. Remember, you want a title like this one, that catches the readers attention, so they'll read your work. If it didn't have a fantastic title, it may not have been read by me. I'm glad I did end up reading this wonderful piece of art. The wording, everything about it was amazing. I'm really glad you choose to write about this. It was wondering.
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs
Hi Rurouni!!
This is Eros here to write a reviw for this sweet poetry!!
The title itself is just so sweet and attractive. It captivated my heart to just stop for a moment... and read the piece.
The next thing is the theme of the poem. I liked your idea of comparing the chocolate with her, and her love. Such a beautiful theme it was! Gotta read something new.
Loved your choice of set of the words. They expressed the sweetness beautifully. This was indeed, a very unique poem.
Overall, it was a GREAT work!
Sweet poem!
AWESOME poem!
Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading!
Have a nice day/night/evening!
Keep smiling!