The ghost of Ashenvale

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Well that is the longest revew i've eva seen lol still I'll edit this soon, but have you played World of Warcraft befor? If not then go to www.wowwiki.com and type in Blood Elves that should explain everything, but still i will edit it seeing as I want more people to read my book and hope to publish it when I'm done. I think you'll find the second chapter is better

Warning; I'm not usually a very nice reviewer...haha. I'm also a major grammar nazi. Just thought I'd warn you.

Anyway:

Runelord wrote:I wasn’t borne in the city; I drew my first breath in what is now the scorched groove, but what was then the most beautiful part of Eversong.

Runelord wrote:Soon after my birth my parents were eaten by a starving lynx that was in the area, it would have eaten me if old Whitebark hadn’t been passing. He slew the lynx, but was too late to save my parents.

Runelord wrote:I spent the first few months of my life among the trees, learning from them caring for them. They taught me many things like how to speak to the wild; soon the tenders who cared for the forest began to call me Foreststrider and taught me how to read and write High Elven. In that respect I was perhaps as knowledgeable as the highest archmage in Silvermoon.

Runelord wrote:But nearing my first birthday I felt the need for something more. When I conveyed this to Whitebark he said that I missed the company of my own people.

Runelord wrote:So it was that on my first birthday I was “found” by a chilled less couple who fancied a walk in the woods.

Runelord wrote:One day during a particularly boring lesson on the proper use of frost magic I hit my teacher with an arcane torrent and scarperd. I ran out just in time to see an army of undead decimating my birthplace. Despite my two years of age –and my teacher’s remarks-, I was not stupid. I rushed to a sheltered place far from the capital, even though I couldn’t see anything, I could still hear the screams that haunt me to this day. Women and children, pleading for mercy while Arthas slaughtered them.

I went back to Silvermoon a long time after the triumphant roars of the undead had faded into the distance. Most of the building where already razed to the ground, those that still stood upright were surrounded by pallid creatures with wispy hair and evil black eyes. In other words what I saw there the first of the Wretched; more would join them after the others felt the full tragedy of what had happened. The greatest blow to the now Blood Elves: the destruction of the Sunwell.

Runelord wrote:I didn’t do much during our exile in outland, but unlike the rest of the Blood Elves I did not await Kael’thas’s return with the eager anticipation.

Runelord wrote: Even so the fact that the humans do no tolerate us makes my blood boil.

Runelord wrote:They have no sense of honour, fraternising with an “enemy” who offered us help. [s]b[/s]Bah. I’m glad that scumbag got what he deserved.

Anyway, once we got back to what had once been our homeland, we found it overrun with undead and trolls trying to reclaim [s]there[/s] their lands, not to mention the manawyrm infestation. Those of us who could fight [s]where[/s] were each given a task that suited our level; thus the less experienced took on the lesser challenges while the more experienced cleared out the undead and rebuilt Silvermoon as best they could without the Sunwell. My talents as a hunter were quickly picked up on and I was soon given a bow and a dagger and told to “help in anyway I could”. I quickly rose through the ranks and I was given the opportunity to learn how to tame a beast. It was easy; I had found an abandoned Dragonhawk and took him under my wing. He was wary at first, but once I got him to accept food from me, trust was more easily established, soon we [s]where[/s] were inseparable.

Good point clograbby, but if Iwas totally true to WoW the story would be boring it could be in both seeing as this is only the beginning wait for the rest I'm already on the fifth chapter, but I wanted to see how the first one would be treated

If this is based off "World of Warcraft" then this should be in the fan-fiction forum.

I'm not sure how to flag a moderator.

oh...okay...yeah....i had no idea what you were talking about before.

i get it now...suddenly, i think the piece is better...


-GC10

Thanks for the review you have obviously never played WoW (World of Warcraft) before I'll definitely re look at my work and keep posting the rest of the book. I didn't describe much because it's all in the game. Anyway I've only just started to write, but I'll bare your remarks in mind for the future. Thanks again oh by the way I'm a (High) Blood elf sorry I probably should have included it in the story, but if you've played WoW before you'll know this. & no, manna is a flat-bread mana is magical power.
Go to www.wowwiki.com and type in the words you dont understand.

I wasn’t borne in the city; I drew my first breath in what is now the scorched groove,i think you mean grove but what was then the most beautiful part of Eversong. Soon after my birth my parents were eaten by a starving lynx that was in the area,i might just be a mean person but i think this is really funny it would have eaten me if old Whitebark hadn’t been passing. He slew the word slew sounds awkward...it's probably just me, though.the lynx, but was too late to save my parents.

I spent the first few months of my life among the treesthe first months of your life? isn't that a bit young? to care for 'trees' i mean. wait, i'm writing this as i go...this is a person, right?, learning from them caring for them. They taught me many things like how to speak to the wild; soon the tenders who cared for the forest began to call me Foreststrider and taught me how to read and write High Elven. In that respect I was perhaps as knowledgeable as the highest archmage in Silvermoon. ok, whats the difference between silvermoon and eversong? and how did he get there? is silvermoon in eversong?But nearing my first birthday I felt the need for something more. When I conveyed this to Whitebark he said that I missed the company of my own people. who's this whitebark guy? isn't he your species, or religion, or whatever your 'people' are? did you ever know your people?


So it was that on my first birthday I was “found” by a chilled less couple a chilled less couple?...i think i may be misinterpreting thiswho fancied a walk in the woods. As soon as I arrived in Silvermoonoh, ok, you weren't in silvermoon before... I was sent off to the mages academy capitalize where I was taught how to control my magic.since when was this dude magic? It was all very interesting, but I was bored. this statement sounds...younger...than the rest of the piece...if that makes sense...All of the students there where lawful, but I was chaotic at heart. I could not cope with the number of restrictions.

One day during a particularly boring use a word other than boring lesson on the proper use of frost magiccomma I hit my teacher with an arcane torrent and scarperdwhat?. I ran out just in time to see an army of undead decimating my birthplace.you were in school when undead people were attacking? Despite my two years of age –and my teacher’s remarks-, I was not stupid. I rushed to a sheltered place far from the capital, even though I couldn’t see anything, I could still hear the screams that haunt me to this day. Women and children, pleading for mercy while Arthas what are Arthas? slaughtered them.

I went back to Silvermoon a long time after the triumphant roars of the undead had faded into the distance. Most of the buildings wherewere already razed to the ground, those that still stood upright were surrounded by pallid creatures with wispy hair and evil black eyes. In other words what I saw there the first of the Wretched; more would join them after the others felt the full tragedy of what had happened. The greatest blow to the now Blood Elves: the destruction of the Sunwell. since when were they in 'sunwell'? i'm so confused...

Unlike the rest of my race I was not as affected. I had learned at a very young age how to absorb mana mana? whats that? maybe i'm just being dumb, but isn't that flat bread or something? from magic users.

I didn’t do much during our exile in outland, but unlike the rest of the Blood Elves I did not await Kael’thas’s whos he/she? return with the eager anticipation. He was no fool, but he was Blood Drunkwhy'd you capitalize? and power hungry – a dangerous combination. Even so the fact that the humans do no tolerate us makes my blood boil. They have no sense of honour, fraternising with an “enemy” who offered us help bah.bah? seriously? I’m glad that scumbag who? is bah a person? i guess it is... got what he deserved. bah? i'm still confused.

Anyway once we got back to what had once been our homeland wait, whos 'we'...where were you...exile? right? we found it overrun with undead and trolls trying to reclaim theretheir lands, not to mention the manawyrmmanawyrm? i still don't know what mana is... infestation. Those of us who could fight where each given a task that suited our level; thus the less experienced took on the lesser challenges really? i never would've guessed while the more experienced cleared out the undead and rebuilt Silvermoon as best they could without the Sunwell.wait...is sunwell a group of people or something? My talents as a hunter were quickly picked up on and I was soon given a bow and a dagger and told to “help in anyway I could”. I quickly rose through the ranks and I was given the opportunity to learn how to tame a beast. It was easy I had found an abandoned Dragonhawk and took him under my wing. He was wary at first, but once I got him to accept food from me trust was more easily established, soon we where inseparable.

My reputation with Silvermoon had grown too, and soon it was decided that I should go prove my worth elsewhere.