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The Moth

by Ruby68


In those days we spent a lot of time together, he and I. There was something in his eyes that drew me close. It reminded me vaguely of the moth that often inhabited my room when the window was ajar. The little creature was ever drawn to the small flame that danced atop my candle as I wrote before bed. Even after it had singed its wings a time or two, still it returned. Perhaps it was the warmth or the light in the surrounding darkness. Or perhaps the little moth was just stupid. I couldn't help but compare myself. 

It was, decidedly, his eyes. Even in the dead of winter, there was summer in his eyes. Bright and warm like sunshine. They brought to mind clear skies or perhaps a still blue lake. Only in dark moments would a cloud pass or someone toss a pebble in, sending ripples through their depths. But the ripples quickly settled, the skies would clear, and summer would return. Warming me through. Most days his eyes were bright and clear, deep and easy. 

Yet, always knowing the capricious nature of the seasons and the fleeting frailty of time, I should have understood what was to come. Soon summer skies would give way to the chill and ever-changing ways of autumn. Less sure, less steady. Autumn is a fickle creature. One moment, full and colorful, turning dead and dark with the next dry breeze. When autumn came, I would find myself wishing fiercely for the free and easy summer. 

Eventually, as is its habit, autumn too would give way to a cold and desolate winter. The calm and deep waters of the lake turned icy and hard, unrelenting. Then, even, I would wish for autumn, though fickle, at times bright. Or, against hope, yearn for a long awaited spring to bloom forth from the frost. 

But in the early time, before the leaves began to change, all I knew was summer. I didn't know to savor every second of blue sky, to look deeply into the calm, clear waters of the summer lake. I didn't know to search for what lay within before the surface became entirely unyielding. Had I had such an understanding, I wonder if I might have dived willingly into their depths. 

Now, however, I returned time and again, much as the foolish moth. I flew as close as I could, seeking the warmth, the brightness, often getting burned. No, I decided, the moth was lucky. The creature could still feel the warmth before the burn. For me, there was none, only darkness and stinging cold. Perhaps I was even more foolish than the moth. For what I chased no longer existed. I followed a memory, a wish. My candle was long extinguished and yet I returned to the still-scalding wax from sheer desperation or habit. 

I shook my head quickly, trying to clear my thoughts. There was no sense in thinking such useless things. Wallowing in metaphors would change nothing. Much as I recognized my own idiocies, I also recognized, perhaps even more vehemently, that I could not bring myself to stop my own senseless behavior. Despite the pain, even the echo of his eyes was preferable to nothing. Yes, I decided, the burning was much preferable, it reminded me fiercely that I was alive, that I was not just a deadened empty shell as I so often felt. 

I took a deep breath and sighed, staring a the ceiling momentarily. I shook my head once more, smoothed my dress, and let my heart pull me through the waiting door. 


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74 Reviews


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Sat Sep 19, 2020 4:07 am
Stellarjay wrote a review...



Hello Ruby68,
This was so beautiful! I loved the imagery, the metaphors and just everything about it! I loved how you compared the moth with her own need for the warmth. Also, I noticed how you didn't name anyone, which I think helped keep the attention on the story.

Soon summer skies would give way to the chill and ever-changing ways of autumn.

I loved how you compared (there's a more elegant word) his eyes to the seasons. It was just so wonderful to read.
Eventually, as is its habit, autumn too would give way to a cold and desolate winter. The calm and deep waters of the lake turned icy and hard, unrelenting. Then, even, I would wish for autumn, though fickle, at times bright. Or, against hope, yearn for a long awaited spring to bloom forth from the frost.

I love the imagery! It just pulls you into a completely different world for a precious moment of wonder.
I shook my head quickly, trying to clear my thoughts.

This line just harshly pulls you out of the imagery and back into reality. I liked it and adds to the effect.

Overall, beautifully written and deserves a billion likes. The imagery and everything about it was wonderful. To be honest I just got lost in the story. Thank you for writing this piece, I know that sounds weird, but truly, thank you! If you have any questions feel free to ask. Keep on writing and have a great rest of your day/night!
Stellarjay




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Sat Sep 19, 2020 12:48 am
starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey there! I saw this in the Literary Spotlight and decided to check this out! :D

I agree with your other reviewers; this is really gorgeous and beautiful! Your imagery is lovely, the metaphors and similes are well executed, and this is just amazing overall <3 You have quite a way with words and beautiful imagery. There are some things I'd like to mention! These are just suggestions, so please feel free to ignore them if you don't agree!

It reminded me vaguely of the moth that often inhabited my room when the window was ajar.


Do moths even have long enough life spans to "often" come by? Just a thought I had while reading!

Even after it had singed its wings a time or two, still it returned. Perhaps it was the warmth or the light in the surrounding darkness.


Ahh, I love the idea of resistance you've put here. And the metaphor is really pretty gah <3

Okay so reading your first paragraph out loud, I've noticed that most of the sentences are about the same length. This can often times bore the reader, or just be a bit difficult to read when you're always stopping at about the same time. I think it would be really nice if you could vary the sentence length in the first paragraph! :)

I love your second paragraph. I especially love the idea of "summer in eyes" -> this paints such a pretty image in my mind! A thing to experiment would be expanding on the idea of summer in his eyes. Yes, you gave the image of clear skies and a still blue lake. But what else is it? I think being more specific would make the imagery more beautiful! Like the image of crisp, sun-kissed flowers. Or maybe instead of using the word "blue" you could go for some really specific shade of blue, cerulean! This is just a thought I had while reading that you could play around with c:

Bright and warm like sunshine.

Most days his eyes were bright and clear, deep and easy.


Okay this is so nitpicky, but you repeat "bright" in the second paragraph twice. Since this has a lot of pretty imagery in it, I think avoiding word reception and using stronger synonyms would make this piece stronger overall.

Yet, always knowing the capricious nature of the seasons and the fleeting frailty of time, I should have understood what was to come.


What lovely foreshadowing! Now I'm sacred xD

Autumn is a fickle creature.

Then, even, I would wish for autumn, though fickle, at times bright


Same thing here with "fickle." Though. I love your personification of autumn!

No, I decided, the moth was lucky. The creature could still feel the warmth before the burn. For me, there was none, only darkness and stinging cold.


Aww </3 I really love this

My candle was long extinguished and yet I returned to the still-scalding wax from sheer desperation or habit.


YOUR IMAGERY AND WORDING IS SO LOVELY <3 do you happen to wire poetry by any chance? I feel that you would be really good at it!!

Yes, I decided, the burning was much preferable, it reminded me fiercely that I was alive, that I was not just a deadened empty shell as I so often felt.


I love this <3

Like I said, this is a gorgeous piece. It was beautiful and heartbreaking and healing. Overall, it was a wonderful read. I'd love to check out more of your works some other time. You're an amazing writer, and I hope this helped! :D

Image




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Fri Sep 18, 2020 12:35 pm
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RadDog13579 wrote a review...



Hi @Ruby68, RadDog here! I'll be reviewing your piece The Moth today. Let me start off by saying this is a beautiful piece. Each paragraph was very delicate and light. You're metaphors are absolutely phenomenal. There's not even a ton of mistakes to point out that @ChrisDixon hasn't pointed out. I really enjoyed reading this piece and will be reviewing more of your literature in the future. I hope you have a great day and happy writing!

-RadDog




Ruby68 says...


Thank you!



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Thu Sep 17, 2020 10:32 am
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Rosewood wrote a review...



I don't know what to say other than this was absolutely beautiful. The detail was incredible, the paragraphs were well written, and the overall flow was lovely. I can't seem to find any small mistakes other than the one ChrisDixon pointed out. As for your strengths, I'm without doubt that you can create metaphors better than anyone I know and actually piece them into a story rather than just slapping them onto a sheet of paper wether it fits the mood or not.

Honestly, I wish I could give you more advice or suggestions, but at least to me, was perfect.




Ruby68 says...


Thank you!! I've been seeing your work around and really enjoy it so that means a lot :)



Rosewood says...


Aw thank you! That's a huge complement coming from you...



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Thu Sep 17, 2020 6:25 am
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ChrisDixon wrote a review...



Hi @Ruby68! here for a quick review.
I loved reading this story! It was one of the best romance I've ever read. It is a beautiful story with a simple but intriguing title. I remind me of how romance stories aren't always about hugging or kissing or dating but a life-changing event, and it couldn't always end as a beautiful couple. I'm absolutely not professional with romantic writings as you can see, and I only have read a few romance, so please understand that I am not able to comment a review as an experienced reviewer, and neither can I suggest much about your work. I love your story and it seems as if it was created piece by piece and carefully pieced together. I apologize that I can't be more helpful.

But in the early time, before the leaves began to change, all I knew was summer. I didn't know to savor every second of blue sky, to look deeply into the calm, clear waters. I didn't know to search for what lay within before the surface became entirely unyielding. Had I such an understanding, I wonder if I might have dived willingly into their depths.


I didn't know to savor every second of blue sky, to look deeply into the calm, clear waters.


It's the blue sky;
I didn't know to savor every second of the blue sky, to look deeply into the calm, clear waters.


I loved reading this poem and would love to read more of your writings!

Thank you for writing this!
You made my day!

Keep on writing!

Best wishes,
Chris




ChrisDixon says...


But in the early time, before the leaves began to change, all I knew was summer. I didn't know to savor every second of blue sky, to look deeply into the calm, clear waters. I didn't know to search for what lay within before the surface became entirely unyielding. Had I such an understanding, I wonder if I might have dived willingly into their depths.

If you had such an understanding? I thought you said you didn't know how to savor the sky and etc. You didn't know but how could that be an understanding?

Sorry, for my misunderstanding if is only me who isn't getting this part.

Have a nice day!



Ruby68 says...


Thanks! I can see how those bits might have been confusing. I made a couple small edits that hopefully more eloquently show what I meant there.



ChrisDixon says...


:)




gonna be honest, i dont believe in the moon
— sheyren