Two young gods shared a feast in the shadowed garden and discussed the nature of Essence.
A thing’s essence is in its origin, said the First. A mountain stands firm and tall. One hundred hundred winds tear at its face and bear it to the ground. One thousand thousand quakes tear cracks in its façade. But that is all that is damaged: its face, its façade. When torn down, it remains a mountain, torn down. A thing’s essence is in its origin, its creation, and can never be alienated from it, despite harm or corruption.
Nay, said the other. A thing’s essence is in its demise. The great oak begins as a simple seed, but can that kernel of life imagine the scope of its majesty, fullgrown? It grows toward the sky, reaching up toward the heavens. And then it is laid down, torn down, by time or by fate. But at that moment it is at its greatest, its most pure. For every day of its life, its growth has been revealing a sliver more of its being, its true nature and essence. How is a sapling more than a mighty oak, still growing? How is a fawn more than a mighty stag, still learning its true majesty?
Pffaw, derided the aged gardeneness, back long bent from an
age of labours, as she came across their dispute. What do gods know of origins,
being unborn, or demises, being eternal? Consider man. When he springs into the
world, he is yet unwrought, and his experiences paint his nature into the
canvas of his mind. He is pursued, so he fears. He consumes, and feels sated.
And then he ages. The strength that satiates him withers. The memories, the
etched colours of his very self, grow watery and thin. Should he live long
enough, his essence is leeched from him. He expires, a withered husk. Which then is he: husk, unwrought, or neither?
Chastened, the two gods turned to one another.
Tis true, said the first, that we know neither birth nor death ourselves, but this old gardeness does not dream as we do, and is not wise as we are wise.
Indeed, agreed the second. She has given us much to dwell on. Let us teach man to dream as we do, to reason as we have, and we shall learn of the essence of things that grow and die, though we have never known birth and shall never ourselves die.
Having reached mediation, they crafted souls for man, that he might dream, beyond fear and satiation and his mind be filled with the troubles of the gods.
And the gardeness returned to her labours, growing oaks that reach their tall limbs toward the heavens, and tearing mountains down to the depths of the earth.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
*comes crawling in months later*
Hello Rubric. It's been a while, but I'm here at last to review these other two. Finally. For real this time.
There were many aborted attempts, okay. Your writing isn't easy to review because you're just that good at this writing thing.
Unlike the previous part, the lack of quotation marks wasn't jarring, and it fits very smoothly here.
My one quibble would be the discourse on demise: it seems more fitting that it be described as "at the moment of demise" since a demise is still a type of process whereas ends are not. Delimiting it to a specific moment in a process makes a bit more sense rather than tying it to the entire process, especially since both the gods agree that the process is irrelevant to the essence of a thing.
I really hope that made sense, and if it doesn't, I'll just cite Aquinas' distinctions with regards to causes, processes, and ends. Because I've been re-reading the Summa recently and that distinction seems particularly applicable here. I'm wondering now if it was deliberate.
This piece did leave me with one pretty big question: what is the gardeness? Clearly she is not a god as the dialogue implies that she has experienced birth and will in time experience death, but it also implies that she isn't of man either. She's an enigmatic character as it is, and I'm wondering if you ever reveal her nature more concretely or not, since there's only one part of this left for me to read.
I'm a bit torn on enjoying the enigma and curiosity, though either way, it adds a nice dimension to her character and role in things.
I never planned on it, but after reading this, I couldn't resist reviewing.
~Other Bits~
This is quite the interesting first sentence and I find that it sets up the mood for this piece rather well, but I feel like there could probably be maybe more description. While "shadowed garden" is good, it doesn't quite feel like enough. Try describing the garden more. What do the plants look like? What kinds of plants are there? What does it smell like?
Of course, if you did this on purpose, feel free to ignore me as this is only a suggestion.
~Good Bits~
The reason I wanted to review this is because of how breathtaking and beautiful. Like the two gods after the gardeness spoke to them, I am left with much to think about. But that alone does not represent the beauty of this piece. When the two gods are talking at the beginning, I absolutely love how you used imagery in their words. While very descriptive speech doesn't appear in normal speech (unless you're Shakespeare), I find that it gives the gods more height, making them appear more powerful or majestic. That just proves how much language can shape a character.
What else I love about this is how metaphorical the gods' lines are at the start. It's very much like poetry in a way. Very beautiful. Like I mentioned, it gives readers quite a bit to think about. It also leaves it up for interpretation in a way. Like poetry, each person will see it differently (differs by the poem, however, so I am not right in some cases) and experience it differently. The gods' lines are quite a bit like that and I find that it shapes the story as well. We can all take different meaning from it.
Well that's it from me! It loved this. The language you used was amazing and you have left me wanting more.
Never stop writing!
~Holographic Ladybug
Okay, so is this your version of how man came to be about on earth??? If it is I have to say I love it. I like writers who differs from the traditional bible story. I love how you made the two gods curious about essences and life and death. Very cool to see that that might be a reason why man was made. Your story was a just a joy I loved it I truly did and I hope you write more stories of this nature.