Two wise sisters shared a feast in the shadowed garden and enjoyed one another’s company.
It has been an age, said the gardeness, since you last walked here. Wherever have you been?
I have been Death, said her sister, and have been everywhere.
They ate together and were merry in one another’s company, for each was without her burden, for a time.
As the stars danced in the night sky, their talk turned to the nature of power and of dreams.
Long did I reign over a dark realm, said Death. But after long years I found a god, once young, snooping beneath my throne. He had questions, you see, of some who came to be my subjects. He claimed an old gardeness had cajoled him into granting souls to man, that he and another might gain insight into the Essence of things.
Tis true, said the gardeness, for they spoke of what they knew not.
And so I undertook to travel here, and on my way, found a king, once bold, sobbing by the roadside. He was anguished, he claimed, because he and many others had made foolish war on one another at the whim of those who claimed to speak for the gods.
He too feasted in my garden, and claimed foolish knowledge beyond his knowing, said the gardeness.
So I came here, said Death, to see why my sister had decided to set the heavens aflame.
What did the young god learn, snooping beneath your throne? Asked the gardeness, in turn.
He claimed that though man dreamed, his dreams always dwelt on power. When he spoke of love, of truth, of wisdom, in truth always were his dreams those of power. For always he hungered for satiation, and always he feared persecution, though he had been granted the dreams of the gods, and his soul was etched by the divine.
And what had the bold king learned, when you found him by the road? Asked the sister of Death.
In his sorrow he claimed that it was man who taught war to the gods, and brought war to the heavens, answered Death. And as the heavens burned, the gods no longer reasoned, nor even dreamed, but fought with flame and blades of light. What lesson did you have for them in such an outcome?
I, said the gardeness, never dreamed to be a teacher, though perhaps now others will be wiser than to feast within my garden, uninvited.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Lol, well there you have it. The conclusion what in my opinion was a beautiful trilogy. I don't know if a lot of people got it but I think I understand. To put it simply the gardeness is saying to much knowledge is a bad thing. Which I feel her on that. This garden has to be like the garden of knowledge or whatever. people and gods come there seeking answers to their problem. Now there is nothing wrong with that, but just know if you go looking for the answer than you better be willing to accept the whole truth. I feel like that is the message the gardeness was trying to send the reader.
And here I am, at long last, for the third of these.
The lack of quotation marks in this was particularly jarring, and I think, of all three parts, this one would benefit most greatly from some restructuring in that department.
"What did the young god learn, snooping beneath your throne? Asked the gardeness, in turn." was perhaps the most obvious instance, and I think revising it to "The gardeness asked in turn, what did the young god learn, snooping beneath your throne?" would read much more smoothly while still retaining the stylistic lack of quotation marks you've been aiming for.
Or you could always go for more indirect dialogue.
The lack of quotation marks really dampened the impact of the ending for me, which was a real shame because I adore the irony of it.
I also liked how, while the gardeness' placement in the hierarchy of gods and humans isn't explicitly revealed, it's implied enough to extrapolate. I also enjoyed how, even as her words had great impact upon those who heard her, her role remained simply that of a gardeness. I thought that was a particularly nice touch since it underlines the theme in the other two pieces of how those in the dialogues were so certain of their knowledge and wisdom without really knowing or being wise.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this sequence of stories, and if you do revise them, I would recommend keeping them as separate parts. The separation I think adds to the significance of each conversation while also highlighting how the ironies of the surety of the parties involved, and I think this aspect would be lost by merging them together into one longer piece.
I guess I'm here for the third.
Wow. I have to say that this is pretty deep. It's quite a bit different than the others and offers quite a conclusion. I like how you made this one more about the gardeness (well, along with her sister) because she's so mysterious yet seemed so wise. Now, she doesn't seem wise as much, which is fine, but she seems like she unknowingly says wise things with the simplest of intentions (I honestly can't find a word for that). It really makes you think about how advice could affect your life if you were to follow or to not follow.
On another hand, this one seems a bit more blunt (if that's the word to use) than the others. (Blaming the gardeness here) Like I said, she seems to do things without realizing that I was wise with simple intentions. It works well, making someone who seems so wise more simple, especially for the three works here. It's actually kind of unexpected.
I don't really have any criticisms here, but I would have to disagree with the other reviewer and commenter about quotation marks. I've thought about whether or not they should be here or not, but I think that not having them suits the story more. I think that including quotation marks wouldn't work well with the setting and mood of the piece. Not having them really makes this (and the others) seem more like art than just a scene. Of course, this is just my opinion and if you wanted to include quotation marks, go for it.
That's it from me! Yet again, I enjoyed this and I think that it concludes (if it concludes) this really well.
Never stop writing!
~Holographic Ladybug
I gotta diddo teriesa and just say: Quotation marks! Quotation marks would make this so much easier to read (even without them though I really like how this reads)! And while I think quotes will definitely help the readability of this story, I did have some confusion. Are the gardeness and the "sister of death," the same person?
I like that this story reads sort of like an old fairy tale, or something in a storybook (not some cutesy one though), and I think you have some really solid dialogue going on here. It would be great though, if you could go back in and add some imagery and descriptive detail. What exactly does this garden look like, that they're meeting in? Could we get some context for their meeting?
This is a really interesting concept. I'd love to see you run with it and come up with more stories with these two. How often do these sisters meet? Is this common for them to come and discuss things?
I did wonder, why did the gardeness (the sister of death) talk to the king and the young god before Death? Death seemed to not be phased by this, but I would think that Death might be asking more questions of the gardeness?
I guess this story leaves me with a lot of questions. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but if not, then I would definitely suggest adding more! I would be really cool to see what you come up with, or the context you had in mind when writing this little scene.
Good luck, and I hope this helps some!
Really great! I found it a bit confusing but overall really good. I wish you would have put "Quotation marks in it" Maybe use less he and she and put more names because that can get a bit confusing. Overall really really great story!!!
Stay beautiful. Keep writing. Be awesome!