This is in collaboration with the always amazing Summerless!
“Hello, folks…”
Harry Potter turned at the sound of his best friend’s voice. One eyebrow rose at the sight of the flame-haired Weasley swaying on the stage, the microphone held loosely in his hand.
“I have a treat for y’all…” Ron slurred. “Two of my…hic…best mates are going to serenade us with some…hic…mix of Sexy Back and With Love. Anybody know ‘em?”
He was rewarded with excited murmurs. “It’ll be on in just a mo’…”
He stumbled off the stage and in a couple of moments was beside Harry, “Harry…mate, you don’ mind—hic—pa’ring up w ‘Ermione? She’s waiting…”
“What?” Harry frowned, racking his brain. No mention of a song popped up in his memory box.
“M-mate, ya said you do anything for my birthday.”
Harry smiled sheepishly as that memory floated up on cue, “Well…I didn’t mean a song.”
“Too late!” Ron smiled back at him. “Go on now. You’ll talk with her about the lyric stuff. Music’s all taken care of…”
Reluctantly, Harry left his spot by the buffet table, weaving his way towards backstage. He knew the song Sexy Back, but he wasn’t very fond of singing the song.
Especially in public.
Hermione was waiting for him backstage, her hair tucked up in a black wide-brimmed hat and the folds of a purple trench coat shrouding her figure. Her face had an expression that far surpassed livid.
“Ron’s going to pay for this,” she hissed at Harry. “God…anyways, I think you should do the chorus first and I can throw in a couple of ‘With Love’s, then I can do the second chorus. I’ll do the second verse and the third and you do the first. Then we do the chorus for the last couple of minutes?”
Harry mused, “First verse, first chorus…got it.”
Hermione nodded, “And you can throw in a couple of ‘be gone with it’ in the second verse.”
She had barely finished a second when a voice slurred out over the speakers, “And now, my best mates performing a remix of Sexy Back and With Love combined!”
Harry and Hermione emerged to cheering and the beginnings of a pounding club beat. There was nothing but a silver steel chair on the stage, flanked by two similar microphone stands.
Harry began to sing as soon as he reached the microphone. He just wanted it over with, “I’m bringing sexy back…”
He was doing all right until Hermione sang, “Just do it with love, love, love,” for the first time during the chorus. Harry was so amazed at Hermione’s vocals that he almost forgot the lines.
Then came Hermione’s turn. Harry watched her take off the hat and was again shocked. She was wearing a short black wig! She threw the hat down next to the chair, dancing a little as she sang. Harry stumbled through the “Be gone with it” and then took the microphone off his stand, sliding over to stand next to Hermione.
The frightening part of all this was that he had no idea what the hell he was doing.
Hermione did, though. She was dancing a dance Harry had never seen her do. It was…sensual. On another impulse, he grasped one hand as she sang “Slow me down” and started twirling her under his arm.
“Take off my wig,” she murmured between lines. Harry obliged, pulling off the black bowl haircut. Light brown waves cascaded to her shoulders.
Ooh, she’s nearing the end of the third verse…
“I’m bringing sexy back,” Harry could barely sing. His mouth was dry.
“Just do it with love, love, love,”
“I’m bringing sexy back,”
“Just do it with love, love, love,”
“I’m bringing sexy back,”
“Just do it with love…”
Then was the combination of both choruses. Then cheering echoed in Harry’s ears. He was hot and sweaty. And he wasn’t sure if it was just by the performance.
Hermione had unbuttoned her trench coat, revealing a form-fitting black minidress that—shockingly—didn’t reach her knees. Harry had never seen her in something that…un-Hermione-like.
Harry walked off the stage, his eyes on Hermione—had she ever been that pretty, that curvaceous?
“I swear I am never going to do that again.” Hermione muttered, now pulling off the coat.
Oh, for the love of…
Harry kept his eyes on Hermione’s nostrils—it was one part of her that suddenly didn’t seem more attractive—as he dabbed at his sweaty forehead and neck with a washcloth, like Hermione was doing. Her chest heaved and Harry swallowed hard.
Wait, wait…slow down boy. This is Hermione!
“You mean you didn’t like it?” Harry asked when her words made sense. She wasn’t going to do that again…
“Well, it was enjoyable,” Hermione admitted. “But it’s not me. I could never be a sex kitten.”
“You looked like you knew what you were doing out there,” Harry noted.
Hermione smiled. The black dress vanished from sight. The white knee-length dress was over it, seemingly erasing every piece of the Hermione out there two minutes ago…
“My cousin made me take a pole-dancing class one summer,” Hermione rolled her eyes. “I quit after the first class. Honestly, a bookstore owner can’t have a sex kitten. Only pin-up girls have that.”
“I don’t know…” Harry smiled mischievously. “You looked pretty hot out there,”
Damn, Potter. Wrong thing to say. WRONG THING!
Hermione leveled a glare at him, pursing her lips, fluffing her hair like some foxy thing, “Well now, don’t ya think?” She grinned at him, her hand falling to her side. “Honestly, Harry. The only person that could convince me of that is—” Suddenly, she stopped. Red stained her cheeks. She turned away from Harry and walked out.
Harry frowned after her. What was that all about?
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125,003 Literary Works • 672,791 Reviews
All i can say is wow. I'm all for the Harry and Ginny thing but in the beginning i thought Hermione and Harry were definitely going to hook up so I don't really have anything against it. I can't really see them singing those songs because they are muggle songs. They probaly would sing a Weird Sisters song or something like that. Over all this is a great fan fiction
This was a very good piece.
What you need to do:
more talk.
less script-like
better work
WHAT YOU HAVE:
alto
a plot
discription
alot of other things
Now if you look at these, and improve, you can do this. TRUST ME
MATT
Good job...I really liked it, but I never really expect harry thinking that way about Hermione
I like the way ron sounded like him...u know the mate thing also the accent made him sound drunk
it made me laugh a couple of times.....good job!
I liked it. I was expecting something that followed the plot of the Harry Potter books and when that didn't happen I was so pleased. I mean other than pyhsical descriptions, Ron's accent and the names of the characters you basically created a whole new story. But I like the spin on the characters, it makes them different people. It would be interesting how Ron would react to this situation had he been sober since it seems in the original books that he has a thing for Hermoine. And Summerless said something about Harry and Ginny having children together. If that were the case wouldn't these new feelings for Hermoine put a big spin on things. But I loved what you did with your "whim". Very good job.
That is soooooooo sick.Is ron and Hermione,not Harry and Hermione!
eh. It was actually not bad, although I am stongly opposed to H/HR. The writing was very welld one, and it flowed quite well. You had all the character pinned quite nicely. A few things I found that I couldn't believe was the whole singing dancing part, and when Hermione said her cousin made her take pole dancing lessons. But other then that, it wasn't that bad.
8/10
Reading the novel and reading the comments the people above pretty much have it spot on. In the end its your choice what you use, but to be more effective I'd try making it closer to the movie. Also make them sound a little more like themselves, seeing as though you picked a very well known novel XD
Before I start, may I ask why Ron had a microphone? When he has a wand?
And also I thought your chioce of song was a bit uncharacteristic for Harry and Hermione. And also, its a muggle song.
But this is a fanfiction, so its your choice what you do and I am being a tad pnickity. I think that it was a good story with good phrasing and you could really get into the scene (especially with drunk Ron), but I didnt like it so much because I don't think its quite my thing. Its more a difference in taste, rather than a lack of quality.
xxx
Oh. My. God. That was freaking crazy!!! I love the idea of Harry singing "Sexy Back"!!!!!!!! Wow! Okay, so about the comment tennisprincess made,
"I just felt it wasn't really HP-ish."
That's the whole point! Fanfiction doesn't HAVE to be exactly like the actual thing! That's what I loved about this, because it totally brought out the side of Hermione you know you'd never see! And Ron??? Wow, you totally portrayed him spot on, with his word-slurring and hiccuping-- did he get drunk on firewhiskey??????? OH, by the way, the pole-dancing/sex kitten thing? Totally hil-AH-rious!!!
That was great! I loved how harry umm....what should I say..... ended up wanting Hermione?! It made me laugh...... a lot! great job, once again.
hey there, it was amazing but i am not sure the characters would do anything you mantioned back there. my overall saying :
alittle not hermoineishbut rons dialogue was very good. not very descriptive of backgrounds. too much use of the word sexy. good use in some descriptive words. a basic understanding of what is going on. the rest was okay. don't stop till you drop.
OMG this story is so amazing
i really can't imagine that sweet, sweet Herminoe
or however you speel her name being a sex kitten
this girl sounded more like a prostitute than a
very smart, smart wizard oooooh if (wateva that guys
or girls name who writes this book she will be so angry)
but that's why you put it in fanfiction made us get a little
laugh. Oh yeah at first I didnt really get the [i]hic thing that
Ron or whatever is name is was doing (you can tell I'm not a
big Harry Potters fan but I love his movies) anyways back to what i
was saying at first i didn't get the hic thing then i realized that he
had the hiccups (or did he) well if he did you could've told us for
example you could've said, "As Ron said blah, blah trying to
get over his hiccups or something) oh eyah and this should be rated
it involves a lot of bad words maybe it should be P-13
okay besides that the stiry was good i really enjoyed it
ot was funny and entertaining but the ending was kind of weird
are you going to write the rest tomorrow or something it was very unclear to
me well you're welcome and please pm me thank you bye
have a great writing day oh that should be my signature
um... a good story, a little out of place but it is fan fiction.
the story does flow but moves a little too fast
the combination of the songs is nice but i don't think the rhythms will mix well in real life
It needs a little work, it moves too quickly. There is an overuse of the word "sexy" however I absolutely love the "finding the sex kitten" with Hermione's character. Ron sounds exactly how he does in the book, and overall very good :]]
Com to think of it u are a Harry Potter fan if u do this.It needs a liiter work when I mean a litte work I mean a WHOLE lot.U shoud rate this R case of the word S-e-x in it that should be delet. It needs work.
Why are u doing fanfichion on yws any way are u a Harry Potter fan?
Hmm..
not much to say on this.
Although I strongly appose on the idea of Harry and Hermione and believe soley in Hermione and Ron and Harry and Ginny, it was a good piece of writing. I'm not prejudice like that.
I loved the two song choices ahaha.
My favorite paragraph was :
"Hermione did, though. She was dancing a dance Harry had never seen her do. It was…sensual. On another impulse, he grasped one hand as she sang “Slow me down” and started twirling her under his arm. "
I feel I am too nice with my reviews... overall, I have nothing very negative to say a bout this piece because I liked most of it except for one main an very important thing.
The connection between the characters.
I just felt it wasn't really HP-ish.
I realize you're not Jo, of course, obviously but I still feel like it's not appropriate to write fanfic. I feel like it's a disrespect to the author.
Of course, that's just my opinion. It's not that I HATE reading fanfic - actually I quite enjoy it.. it's just I'd never write it myself.
The communication between Harry and Hermione seems very unreal to me -- no offense towards you because you are absolutely amazing.
It just wasn't right for me.
The way Ron acted made me giggle because he is my favorite of the trio and he's the character you captured the best although I still sensed SOME flaws there. Not major or anything.
Overall: Funny, sweet piece here and I look forward to reading the rest of it.
It's evry original in portraying the connection between Harry and Hermione (love-wise) even though I don't agree with the match but it is still made convicing. You had me picturing and question. Very good job. It was a well done piece.
8/10
That's out of character for Hermione. She wouldn't say that.
Nice.
It would never happen, but still... Nice.
Overall, good job. I think Ron's constant 'hic' was a little weird, but I'm not sure how else you'd do it. The dialog wasn't completely realistic, but I've heard far, far worse interpretations. Anyway, good job.
Great! I agree with summerless. Don't use the word sexy so often. I liked the accent of Ron. It actually made him sound like he was drunk. Good job!
Hey, deafwriter, that was awesome. Maybe a little bit of an overuse with the word "sexy"--try seductive, alluring, foxy, luscious--but overall it was fine (for lack of a better word).
Ron sounds a bit like Ron. I like the "mate" and how you put the apostrophes in some of the words to add to Ron's accent.
Oh, and a few questions.
Should Harry and Ginny have children already?
Should Hermione and Ron have children already?
Since we're writing it together, should I simply post a part of the story back here?