Young Writers Society

Hi, just wanted to write a quick little review for you.
I'm not very good at poetry review, but I hope this helps regardless!
1: To start out with, this sentence seemed out of place for me- 'the water swirled around me, lifting my hair in the wave'. It would sound better if you changed it from wave to waves.
2: I like your depiction of the siren as a mermaid. I think it shows a greater divide between her and humanity.
And finally: I enjoyed the fact that the siren was lured to the drowning person in the same manner she lures her victims. I don't know if that was what you intended it to be, but it was nice nonetheless.
I hope this helped in some way!

Hi there fellow new author!

To start, if you want to insert stanza breaks you ought to press Return/Enter twice on either mobile or PC. One press creates a new line, two presses create a line break, much like in Word.

Now that the technical aspects are out of the way, let's talk shop, ummm, reviews.

First off, regardless of enjambment or any other literary devices, the pronoun 'I' is always capitalised. It's considered a mistake in most cases, and only certain dadaist-like movements allow it (but we're not in dadaism here, we're in an obvious post-modernist/neo-modernist movement here with the honesty of the discourse.)

Second off, I'll gloss over the formatting, but with the way you wrote this, the lines are too long, too symmetrical, too pretty looking. By inserting more line breaks in the stanzas, you can create an artificial sense of intonation, stress certain concepts and create an inherent focus without explicitly drawing attention to it. Try isolating some expressions from the rest of the verse, experiment a bit, it can do wonders.

As for the poetic discourse, a rather monotonous soliloquy, I would've loved it if you kept a constant style. At first it's descriptive, painting a dynamic whirlpool, but then it becomes overtly narrative, the spoken-word discourse is interrupted by poetic inversions. It's best to choose a tone and keep to it. Poetic or apoetic, callophile or anticallophile, transitive or allusive, you can't have them all.

Lastly, I can't say I can gauge a message from your poem. It might be my ignorance, but I don't see what this poem is telling me. The siren finds a prey she leaves due to its beautiful voice, but what does this show? The mercy of the siren? If so, in a poem the meaning must be sprinkled all throughout the verses, not just in the conclusion. Does it speak of the blindness of the prey's kin who can't see the beauty? If so, the same applies.

I hope this review wasn't too harsh (I know you've cautioned me, but I can't help but worry), and if you need further explanation (particularly on those big words), don't hesitate to ask.

Cheers,
Bubbles

Hey, I just wanted to make this known that this is my first poem on this website. I enjoy reading poetry but have only written it a few times. Criticism is greatly appreciated, but please don’t be too harsh!
(Also, I have no idea how to make spaces between the paragraphs on this format, but it should be there every four lines.)