Goodbye, Father

Hi there RoseTulipLily,

This was beautifully written. It flowed very well, and I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors, so there goes half of my review . It was very sad, but in a good way- it almost made me cry, which very few short stories can do. Even though I've been blessed to never have to go through this, I felt the pain of the daughter/son. I loved how you made a distinction between 'father' and 'dad'. This was very well done, and there's very little I can recommend to improve this. I would, however, make some clarification on what the father struggled with. I got the impression it could have been alcohol or drugs, in which case I would add a section that went something like this-

"And every time I saw you take a bottle of beer, I knew that a little bit more of my dad was leaving. After the first few years, I stopped seeing a dad. I only saw a father, someone who biologically had given me birth but gave me nothing else. He didn't provide for any of my needs, but drained me of the one thing he HAD given me- life. My life was plummeting almost as fast as yours, even though I hadn't done anything. I became angry at you, at the father I never knew and never wanted to know. You were ruining my life for a BOTTLE. Was it worth it? Was it worth it?"

There's my only suggestion, which you can incorporate in whatever way you want. You poured so much emotion into this story, and that's what made it so strong. I would recommend that you listen to the rapper NF, especially his song How Could You Leave Us. He went through something like this with his mother, and his raps give me the same feelings that your story did. He has some great lyrics, so I would also look up the lyrics to see how he expressed this.

Best wishes,
MJ

Where do I begin...

Let's just say this story has me crying. This really hit home for me, like all the way. Having a dad just like this, I could feel the emotions you put into this. Whether it's personal experience or not, you really got the feelers going.

As for reviewing it grammatically, there were one or two spelling errors, but other then that, I didn't find anything that I didn't like about this. It's painfully beautiful, especially seeing as how I will never have the courage to say this to my dad. Thank you so much for this though.

Good afternoon, Rose. Can I just share my thoughts with you on this piece?

It's very beautiful and poignant, yet I enjoyed it in a strange way. You've somehow managed to bring the writer's personality and character across, through the very description of her father and I highly admire you for pulling that off. But - something here is missing. I understand the narrator is quite upset with her father, actually she has been for most of her life, but what prompted her to sit down and write this? Has he done something so terrible he's sitting in a prison cell feeling sorry for himself and his daughter was just overcome by the temptation to give him a piece of her mind? All of her adulthood she had the potential to write this yet she doesn't do it until now. Why? What was the final straw?

I would also like a little more insight on exactly what the dad did to evoke such a hatred in his daughter. You say he is an example of what a future parent should NOT be, how he was always hiding and denying. Maybe you've purposely avoided making that clear here buuut I am just slightly curious to know how his actions would justify this. (If I'm reading too much into this, just let me know!)

You are not my dad, but my father. I have not had a dad in years.

very beautiful