Gracie Wheeler

So as Gracie’s mother weeped over her daughter’s grave she tries to go back so she could unfold the memories of how this could have happened.

1 week earlier

My name is Gracie Wheeler, I am sixteen years old, and I suffer from depression, but nobody knows about it. I am mostly depressed because a dreadful year ago, my father walked out leaving me and my mother to fend for ourselves. Soon it was me fending for myself. Because not too long after my father left us, my mother began to deal and use drugs. Her reasoning being that she couldn’t cope with raising me by herself. Another thing is, when my mom drinks alcohol she becomes a completely different person and she starts to yell, slap me, and throws things at me. Soon after all of the worthless and painful beatings started, I began to cut myself. I could not handle the pressure.

I awake one morning to a loud pattering of rain on my window. I stare at the window watching each drop of water roll slowly down the window for what feels like an eternity, but turns out to be only 5 minutes. I force myself to get up, remembering I have school today. A loud slam comes from downstairs and I realize my mother is home from the night before. I ignore the groans and moans coming from my drunken mother and continue to find something to wear to school. After debating for five more minutes I settle on a black Sleeping With Sirens hoodie, a black tank top underneath, and tattered and old skinny jeans. I shower and get dressed. After doing my hair and makeup I slip my old black and red converse and grab my bag readying to scurry off to another day of hatred and schoolwork.

After a 15 minute drive and loud music blasting through my stereo I arrive at this wretched and cursed school. I go to my classes and try to keep up with what the teacher is saying, attempting to take notes and draw at the same time. Classes pass by rather quickly and soon I’m wondering off to the library for my lunch. The library is quiet and, when I am in the library I go back to the memory of my dad leaving.

It was a day like this, rainy, sad, dreary, but mostly depressing. He had just gotten back from work, and my mom started to yell at him as soon as his feet entered past the doorway. I couldn’t hear the entire conversation, but I was able to make out some words, such as: affair, co-worker, hate, i’m leaving, and I hate you. I didn't really have to be a genius to realize what just happened. I begin to worry because of the quietness of the house and after hearing my dad’s car start up, I wonder quietly down the stairs. My mom confirmed my suspicions from before and dad cheating and explains that he isn’t coming back.

That memory still haunts me to this day. The bell rings signaling that lunch is over. I leave the library with my books and continue to the last three classes of the day. Soon, my last class is ending and I am leaving the school. I take my car and begin the song that I adored by Pierce The Veil, Caraphernelia. I get home and quietly close the door being as my mother is drunken and passed out as usual. On the table next to her is three bags of white powders and two rolled blunts. I shake my head at this sight and force myself to climb the stairs and go to my room. I shut the door softly and toss my books onto my bed. I go to the bathroom and just stare at the ugliest reflection.

My black hair tumbles messily past my shoulders to the center of my back. My face has tears stains, and bruises. My arms are to big and have to many scars tracing upwards. I run my fingers slowly over them before sliding down the door. I grab the razor of the sink and slowly press the graceful paintbrush to the canvas, painting a beautiful picture with one color. The dark crimson color. After sitting there staring at the blood slowly dripping down my painted arms I begin to clean them up. Wiping away the blood that stains my pale skin and I slowly and carefully pull my sleeves down to cover my cuts.

6 days later

All that bounced around my head were the haunting words of, “I can’t take this anymore.” So earlier this morning I was called into the guidance office and my mom was there and the guidance consular had said that my grades had slipped so bad that I was going to have to repeat the eleventh grade. I was just so upset and mad with my self I went into the school’s bathroom and kept slapping myself until I was red all over.

So I finished the rest of the day at school and as I was going to my car this boy came up and to me and said to go home with him and I told him no that I had to go home. Even though I said no he kept trying to talk to me and saying to go home with him. There so I did because what else in my life could go wrong right about know. I asked him what his name was and he said that it was Johnny and I thought that was a cute name and he sorta seemed nice. So I got in his car and he took me to his house then he brought me to his room and told his dad we were going to be studying. So we go and I sit on his bed and he takes off his shirt and goes over to me and next thing I know we are making out right then and there on his bed. So he then takes of my shirt and gets on top of me. Then one thing leads to another it happened. We had sex and I was ashamed of myself because I knew I wanted to wait until marriage. Then after we had sex he asks me do I want to leave now so I could back to the school and get my car or do I want to stay with him for the night. I told him that I had to be back home by ten so I needed to go and get my car and then go home. So we went and got into his car and the entire ride back to the school was silent the only noise was the rain drops on the windshield. When we got to the school he stated saying that he wanted to see me again and he kissed me goodbye. I got into my car and drove back him in the pouring down rain and I am still thinking, “I can’t take this anymore.”

So when I got home my mom was there waiting for me drunk and high as usual screaming at me about where I have been. She then slapped me so hard the slapping noise could be heard next door. I then started to cry and I went upstairs to my bathroom and got the razor and started to cut my arms, legs, and knees. There was a lot of blood but, I was used to see that much blood. I clean up the blood with a rag and just sit there on my ice cold bathroom floor but, the floor felt good. I get up to look in the cabinet to get an aspirin and I see that there is sedatives probably from my moms drugs but, I couldn’t help but take it.

So I take it to my room and as just as I put it in my jewelry box my mom comes barging in my room demanding that I get out of her house. “I can’t take this anymore” pops in my head again. I then not meaning to scream at my mom “LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!” My mom then got so mad she slapped me so hard I landed on my floor head first. My mom then goes away dragging her leg behind her from being in a hangover.

I then think that everyone would be better off without me. I grab the bottle of sedatives from my jewelry box and I just start taking every single white pill that was in that bottle. I start to feel really woozy and I am tripping over stuff as I am trying to get to the bathroom to slash some cold water on my face. Then the next thing I know everything blacks out.

Gracie’s mom walks into Gracie’s room the next morning and sees Gracie laying cold and lifeless on her floor. Her mom then runs over to Gracie and calls 9-1-1. When the ambulance arrives they pronounce Gracie dead at the scene at 8.23 a.m. That day later there was a funeral Gracie’s mother had been saving up some money for some more drugs but, she decided to use the money for Gracie’s funeral. So there is Gracie’s mom weeping over the grave. Just before she goes she places these striped carnations on Gracie’s grave knowing that those flowers means regret and how she regrets ever treating her daughter like the way she did and how she could have done things differently.