Warning: This work has been rated 18+.
Chapter 2
I turn the phone to vibrate and set it back down to where it was. I see Mel coming back and quickly pull out my phone and pretend to be on a call with my mother.
"Yes, mom. I'll be home in a couple of weeks for a visit," I roll my eyes and say.
Mel laughs knowing how my mother can be. She picks up her phone and I watch her from my peripheral vision as she visibly pales. She must be hoping I didn't see her messages. She gives me a quick glance before typing away.
I end my fake phone call and turn to Mel. "Ugh, my mother is relentless when it comes to me visiting."
Usually, Mel would comment something like, "She's just worried about her perfect little daughter being out alone in the gambling capital of the world."
But today, she's quiet and just mutters, "Y-yeah, that sucks."
I put on my best-concerned look. "Is everything alright?"
She shakes her head as if she's clearing her thoughts. "Yeah, everything is good. I just completely forgot that Rachel wanted me to help her with something so we better get going."
I give her a fake smile. "You lying bitch. I know what's going on and trust me you won't get away with it," I think to myself.
Instead, I grab my bag and say, "You don't have to give me a ride. I'll just Uber or something. I'm going to the coffee shop across the street to get started on a paper that's due soon."
"Are you sure?" she asks.
"Totally sure. You go ahead and meet Rachel. I'll be fine." She gives me a smile and walks out to her car.
A scowl forms on my face. "Amelia Benson. Carter Montgomery. You're going to regret ever doing this to me," I say silently.
I grab my things and head to the coffee shop. I pull out my phone and text the one person I know I can still trust, my old roommate Danielle.
My Freshman year of college, Mel was adamant that we get our own roommates at the dorms. I was hesitant at first but when I met Dani, I knew we would get along just fine.
Dani is a Vegas native. She's not much of a partier either. She is like a millennial Sherlock Holmes, though. I knew one day her sleuthing skills would come in handy. Both Dani and I are Hispanic. Since none of my other friends, or maybe now ex-friends, speak Spanish, we kind of use it as a fun way to communicate just so no one else we hang out with can understand. It especially came in handy Freshman year when we had to hang out with Mel's roommate Rachel.
Rachel is another Vegas native. Dani luckily didn't know her though. Probably because Rachel is basically Mel's clone. They look a lot alike and they both have the party streak. She doesn't like me because she thinks I'm boring for not wanting to go out all of the time.
"Hola, puta! Que Pasa?" she says in our usual banter. (Hi, whore. What's going on?)
I laugh and shake my head. "Hola, cabrona. Me alegro de verte también." (Hi, bitch. I'm glad to see you too.)
She sticks her tongue out at me and takes a seat. "What's up?"
I take a deep breath and tell her about the text messages I saw on Mel's phone. "So, yeah. I think my best friend and boyfriend are hooking up behind my back."
Her jaw drops but she quickly composes herself. "Pinché culeros," she mutters. She shakes her head and gives me a pointed look. "I told you you should've been more suspicious about them hanging out so much when they went out."
I roll my eyes. "I know, I know. I just thought I could trust them, you know?"
"For what it's worth though, I'm sorry. What are you going to do?"
I think about it for a moment before a plan pops into my head. "I have an idea but I want to be certain. Do you think you could get me some proof first? Like maybe some pictures or something? Anything I could use when I confront them?"
She nods. "Absolutely, not a problem."
I tell her that Carter and Mel will most likely be hanging out tonight. "Can you text Carter and possibly get an idea about his plans tonight?"
I nod and pick up my phone. "Hey. Any plans tonight?" I text to Carter.
A couple of minutes later, my phone dings. "Hey, babe. I think some of the guys are heading to Mav's house for a party. Can I swing by later?"
I show Dani the texts and she smiles. "This will be fun. I mean the sleuthing will be fun. Not the whole getting proof of him cheating on you with Mel. Anyways, just give me a few hours and I'll have everything you'll need by the end of the night."
I give her a soft smile and text Carter back and tell him he doesn't have to come over later because I'll be at Dani's. He doesn't even bother with a reply. Asshole.
Around midnight, I'm a nervous wreck. I bite my nails and pace around my room. "God, waiting is torture."
I've been going through so many emotions since I last talked with Dani. The last update she gave me was that both Carter and Mel were at the party. She said they were hanging all over each other but didn't seem to do anything inappropriate. That's probably because they don't want to publicize their affair.
Before long, there's a knock at my door. I open it to find Dani dressed in all black. "Nice outfit," I smirk.
She doesn't say anything but instead sighs. She shuts the door behind her and hands me a manila envelope.
I take a deep breath and open it. I feel a huge pain in my chest as I look at the pictures in my hand. The pics are of Carter and Mel. They are making out in Carter's truck. The same truck we've ridden and made out in so many times. Each picture reveals more skin and less clothing. They are crystal clear, my best friend and boyfriend are nothing but backstabbers.
I close the envelope back up and throw it on the table. I feel the need to break down crying or just smash something. Maybe both. I shake those thoughts away fast. They don't deserve any of my tears. The only thing that they deserve are a smashing to their faces. Maybe I'll pull a Carrie Underwood from her song "Before He Cheats" and take a Louisville slugger to that precious truck he loves so much.
I let out an evil laugh and turn to Dani. "Thank you for getting me the proof I need."
"What are you going to do now?" she asks.
I let out a deep breath. "I'm going to get revenge. They'll never see it coming."
We exchange a smirk and I say, "Esa hija de la chingada me las pagara." (That motherfucker will pay for this.)
Let the games begin!
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Miss I.D.G.A.F. (Ch. 3)Points:
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Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the spooky S’more?
Top Graham Cracker- Nia calls her friend Dani to tell her what’s happening and then Dani goes out to get proof that they are having an affair…
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow -I at first thought that Nia and Dani were talking to each other on the phone, but when you described Dani’s facial expressions, it seemed like they were talking in real life. I was just a little confused, that was all.
Chocolate Bar - They’ve got evidence that Carter and Mel are with each other, and now…now Nia is going to get revenge! I’ll be sure to check out Chapter Three.
Closing Graham Cracker - This was a cool chapter that introduced Nia’s other friend and solidified what Mel and Carter are doing. I only have the third chapter to worry about…
I wish you an amazing day/night!
Hey again, I'm back for another chapter!
I'm going to jump straight into the review for this one.
Mel's character at the beginning seemed a little strange to me. I guess there's reason for it, but would she really be so subdued at a message that she assumes Nia hasn't seen? So far the only description we have of her usual personality is from our main character, and it feels a bit odd that we aren't experiencing that unless something else is going on?
Watch the speech marks here. Because it's in the same format as her speaking, I thought she was actually saying this to Mel! Maybe it could be italicised or something to make it different?
This, again, is where I think the pacing feels off. I don't understand enough about the dynamic between the three or about Nia's feelings to get why this is bothering her so much. I think we maybe need a bit more exploration into those things before the story gets underway - or chapter three could be a really nice place for a flashback to get why she's feeling this way.
At the moment I'm interested in the plot, but not really invested in the outcome - I think because I don't really have an indication of character motivations. I think all the good bits are there, they just need playing about with a bit to make this whole thing feel a little more cohesive.
See you for chapter three!
Icy
Hello again! I'm happy to see you posted Chapter 2!
I have to say that the direction this is going is very enticing. The way you started this chapter was great. It showed the main characters disbelief in all that was going on and Mel's fear that she might've been caught really well.
I love all of the little details that help paint the bigger picture and lead up to where the story is going. And I also really enjoyed the way you showed the playful relationship between Dani and the main character. There was a great sense of comedic relief in the midst of a reasonably tense scenario.
(side note: thanks for the little translations. those were much appreciated!)
I do wish we could have seen more about the party and Dani's perspective, but I understand that it probably wouldn't fit the perspective of the overall story. Nonetheless, the little glimpse into it was quite nice.
The ending definitely wrapped up the chapter quite nicely and gave everyone the detail they were waiting for: "Is Carter cheating?"
Overall, this was a well-rounded second chapter to what feels like it could be a fairly intense story by the end. Absolutely thrilled to see what the "games" are, so I'll certainly be back for more.
Anyway, thanks for writing this, and I hope you have a wonderful day (or night) wherever you are!