Chapter 1
I sit on the balcony of my one-bedroom apartment just staring out at the beautiful sunset sky. The soft breeze feels amazing in this Las Vegas heat. Before long, it's dark out and the lights from the High Roller are brighter than ever.
The Las Vegas strip is coming to life once again. I'm not into the whole gambling or party scene. I prefer staying in and reading a good book or watching Netflix. Call me boring but I'd much rather be safe than sorry especially when it comes to alcohol, drugs, and whatever else goes down here in "sin city". I've always been what most might perceive as a "good girl." I've never done anything bad in my life.
It may seem weird for someone like me to be living in such a party city but I have my reasons for living here. Well, two reasons actually. The first one is my best friend, Mel. She and I are as thick as thieves. We have known each other since freshman year of high school. I remember the first time I saw her. I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends talking about our first day when in walks this gorgeous blonde with black cowboy boots.
Everyone was whispering all around about what she was wearing. This girl didn't have a care in the world about looking different. Clearly, she was not from Los Angeles. She had a brown bag lunch and was looking around for a place to sit. I got up from our table to introduce myself. I know what being the new girl is like and I wanted to make her feel welcomed.
From that day forward, we were inseparable. Amelia Benson, or Mel as she likes to be called, became my closest confidant. We are total opposites but somehow we just click. She has bleach blonde hair, blue eyes, fair-skinned and is about 5'8. I'm dark-haired with hazel eyes, tanned skin and is very petite at only 5'2. She loves to have fun and let loose while I'm more conservative and prefer the quiet.
She has been trying for years to get me out of my shell and has successfully done that once by making me get a tattoo when we first moved out. One week here and I now sport a heart and flower tattoo on my right shoulder. However, she has failed in getting me to go to clubs.
"Cmon, Nia! We're 21 now! It's like a right of passage to go out and get drunk now that we're legal!" she had told me on a few days after my birthday.
"No way! You know I hate that type of stuff."
"I don't get why. You're so pretty and you could honestly pull off any hot outfit and we could totally have fun on the strip."
I roll my eyes at her. She just doesn't understand that I have no interest in drinking and partying. It has nothing to do with how I look. I know I'm pretty and that guys check me out all of the time but I just don't care to flaunt that around.
My other reason for being here is my boyfriend Carter Montgomery. We've been together since jr high after so many years of being just friends. We grew up together and have been friends since practically birth. Weirdly enough, we're only 2 days apart. To this day, we still believe our mothers somehow planned it out that way.
Carter is the quarterback at UNLV. He got a full ride to go here and so I applied along with Mel and now Las Vegas has been our home for the past two years. We're currently juniors, Carter majoring in kinesiology, Mel in art history, and me in Psychology.
Since being out here, Carter and Mel have become closer since they both have the party streak. I don't mind when they hang out on the strip and at parties because I at least know they're safe. I know most people wouldn't be that trusting especially with a guy like Carter.
Carter is the big man on campus. Practically the whole school knows who he is. There is always a girl wanted to get with him but he shuts that down real quick. I don't blame other girls for throwing themselves at him. He's pretty hot with his brown, boyish hair, grey eyes, 6'2 frame, tan and toned body and a smile that could melt anyone's heart.
Carter can act like a douche, I mean what guy doesn't have that side to them? But I truly know him and I know the softer side he has. He's absolutely sweet, understanding and I know I can trust him. It also helps that after a night out, he always comes back to stay the night with me.
I may be a nice girl but even I have needs. I love Carter and I know he loves me so having sex felt like a normal thing. He has never pressured me into doing anything I don't want to do and that just makes me fall for him even more.
Just like clockwork, at around 1 AM, I hear someone at the door. I laugh as I hear Carter's voice as he cusses and fumbles with the lock. Eventually, he gets the door open and smiles as soon as he sees me.
I get up from the couch and hug him tightly.
"Mmm, I missed you," he says into my hair.
I smile, "I missed you too."
He lifts me up with ease and makes our way to the couch. He sits down and places me in his lap. I have my legs on either side of his and straddle him.
"How was your night?" I ask.
He shrugs. "Not bad, we all just hit a frat party so it was just pretty much the usual drunk people hanging out."
"And Mel?"
"She was there too. I made sure to walk her back to her apartment to make sure she got home safe."
I smile. Carter is such a gentleman.
He closes his eyes and I run my hands through his hair. I lean down and kiss his lips softly then make my way down to his neck. I bite down softly, sucking on his skin. He lets out a soft moan letting me know he's enjoying this.
We make out for a little while before Carter lifts me up yet again and walks us to the bedroom. He lays me down on the bed and hovers over me as he kisses me hard. Soon our clothes are off and he's inside me.
The only thing I hate about his drunk nights is how quick the sex is. I'm not saying the sex is bad but I usually feel a little frustrated after because it doesn't last as long as when he's sober. Within a few minutes, Carter is lying next to me asleep. I go to the bathroom and take a quick shower before getting back into bed and cuddling up to my snoring boyfriend.
The next day, I'm sitting at a frozen yogurt shop with Mel, listening to her talk about the party last night. I sit there eating my yogurt and pretending to listen. After a while, it gets boring when Mel talks about her partying but I've learned to block out most and listen just enough to make it look like I'm paying attention. It's a gift really.
We get interrupted by a few guys who ask us for our numbers. Mel gives them hers and makes them leave before they even have a chance to ask for mine again.
"So, you're going to the game on Saturday, right?"
"Well, my boyfriend is the quarterback so I kind of have to be there."
She nods her head. "Right. What about after? You should come out with us."
I sigh. "Not this again. You already know my answer to that."
"Stop being such a party pooper!" she says a little too loud. A few heads turn and look at us. She looks around silently apologizing to them and gets up.
"I'll be right back but this conversation isn't over."
I roll my eyes and go back to eating my fro-yo. As she walks to the bathroom, her phone goes off. Taylor Swift's "Shake it off" starts blaring. I reach for her phone to silent it surprised it's not on vibrate since she usually has it on that setting. I don't mean to look at the message on the screen but when I do, I'm in shock.
It's her old roommate Rachel, who I've never gotten along with, asking why Mel didn't call her earlier. She ends the text with "You better not be too busy making out with Carter!"
What the hell? As I'm about to silent the phone and put it back down, it goes off again. This time "Stay" by Sugarland starts playing. It's the chorus and the next verse that I know so well that catches my eye.
"Why don't you stay?
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of bein' lonely
Don't I give you what you need?
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay?You keep tellin' me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like bein' used, and I'm tired of waitin'It's too much pain to have to bear
To love a man you have to share..."
I finally look at the name of who is texting her and almost drop the phone. Carter? What the fuck is going on? Why does she have that song set as his ringtone? I read his message and my heart stops.
"Hey baby, sorry I couldn't stay last night. I'll see you tonight though. Wear that outfit that I like so much."
Baby? Baby?!?! Oh. My. God.
My best friends are sneaking around behind my back.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we start with the evil S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Nia is a “good girl” and doesn’t go to parties. She doesn’t like the loudness of Las Vegas. But one single event might just change her forever…
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow -It’s just one little thing. “Cmon” should be “C’mon”. But that’s one small thing.
Chocolate Bar - I like how Nia found out about what was really going on! She felt so much shock just by reading Carter’s text message…a man she thought that she knew well is with someone she thought was her friend…I can’t wait to see Nia get her revenge!
Closing Graham Cracker -An interesting first chapter that starts off alright, then has an ending with a tinted edge…I’ll be sure to check out the other chapters.
I wish you an amazing day/night!
Hey there RoseBalor! I'm Icy, and I'm popping by today for a quick review or two as I noticed you had a few chapters of this story lurking around the Green Room. It's also nice to be able to catch a novel at the beginning as so many of the ones waiting for reviews are at least a couple of chapters in.
With that, let's get on with the review!
I love this intro, it's really good at giving me a little bit of characterisation and also a nice simple but well written introduction to the setting too.
I actually think this bit comes too early in the chapter. As the reader I'm not yet invested enough in the characters or story to be thrown immediately into a flashback. I think if this is crucial to the story, either have it come later or start with it straight out, rather than having it as a flashback we could read it as the introduction and then move to the present. I personally don't think you need it at all as it's quite short and only serves to introduce us to the main character's best friend - to me that's not super crucial right now!
The description is helpful, but I'd rather learn about their personalities and things that might impact the story than their appearances. The last line is way more helpful for that
On the whole I like your characters and the bombshell at the end of the chapter works well to make me want to read on. But for the most part, I feel like I'm experiencing this chapter from a distance. I want to be shown all the things that are going on rather than being told them, and perhaps it would help to hold back a bit of information and drip feed it through to the reader. It's super hard to set up a story and give the reader a good balance of info so I think this is a good start, but I also encourage you to come back and edit it once you're a good chunk of the way through writing the rest of the story; it's much easier then I think to figure out what you do and don't need the reader to know right off the bat.
I think I've spied two more chapters of this in the Green Room, so I'll see you for those!
Hope this was helpful
Icy
Hello, new member! I, like you, have joined very recently. And with that, I've been trying to get around and get to know some people, so I'm writing you a review.
I have to say, romance isn't usually my cup of tea, but it was in the Green Room, and I figured I'd check it out, and I've got to say I was thoroughly impressed.
I really love how there was a very detailed background leading up to all of the action. It felt like I really got to know the characters before everything went down. I mean, the descriptions of the characters were beautiful and really painted a full picture of what they look like, who they are, and what they enjoy doing.
If there's anything I could say about the descriptions, however, it's that sometimes they could be a tad bit more detailed. For example, when you stated,
I feel like there could be more to the "boyish hair". Don't get me wrong, I can picture exactly what you mean, but I just feel like there could be more there.
I also really liked how quick and to-the-point certain parts were. No scene seemed to overstay its welcome, and that's always nice coming from a reader's perspective.
But there was one scene in particular that didn't seem to last long enough, and that scene, of course, was the sex scene. I may be young, and I probably don't know as much as I think I do, but I feel like more could have been done with that, even if it only lasted a few minutes, like you said in the story.
Other than that, the plot seemed really well developed, and like you knew where this story was meant to continue to go. I have to say it ended in a perfect spot to keep the reader intrigued and coming back for Chapter 2. It feels like you just have to know what she's going to do with the information she gets at the end.
So, I can't speak for anybody else, but I'll definitely try to stick around for Chapter 2. Although I'm still trying to figure all of this out, so I might miss it. I'll do my best, though.
Thank you for posting this, and I hope you keep it up. Have a great day (or night) wherever you are!