Leap Of Glory

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A cupboard in a workhouse,
or so they say.
Five others of "her kind"
stumbled upon her today.

a noose to hold her tight
a leap through the air. . .
Another soul departs
she landed on the golden stair.


At the gates of heaven
an angel had arrived.
Skipped through the pearly sheen
and left all the torment behind.

"Them" that found her wonder
where she went and why?
They too must suffer her agony
because she chose to die!

At school the corridors are silent-
Where yesterday was noise
now flows a stream of tears,
shed from all the girls and boys.

Even those who disliked her,
who added to her pain,
Stand around in circles
writhing from the shame!

The rumours have now grown
spread wings and fly away.
That doesn't mean we shall forget her
the memory's here to stay.

But all is not lost now
death brings us close together.
We see what life is about

from her famous leap of glory. . .

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Rodhead
Comment

Thanks for the reviews :)

This is a poem about a girl in my school who committed suicide, that may be why it's so personal! Thanks for the critiques and I would just like to say the following:
For a start Mr. Knightley "them" is there for a reason, note that in the first verse I use "her kind" and by saying "them" I am disassociating myself with the same group again! :) Is that not obvious :? .

Thanks again folks!

User avatar
fries
Review
fries wrote a review · Mon Apr 26, 2010 12:16 am

I really like this poem, it shows what is happening these days mostly to teenage girls, like Phoebe Prince, etc. It gives them a better story than what we hear on the news and magazines. It brings a good sense of mind, it brings dignity back to them... and like your title says brings a leap of glory to them.
Loved your poem!
-fRiEs

User avatar
Mr.Knightley
Review

Hi! I'm here to review.

I have to say, this is a great poem. I loved it. The message is completely honest and heartfelt, and I think it's a great example to set for others. Good job! :D

My only nitpick:

At school the corridirs are silent-
Where yesterday was noise
now flows a stream of tears,
shed from all the girls and boys.


"Corridirs" should be "corridors." Also, the rhyme of this stanza was a tad unnatural, and all it did for me was make me think of Dr. Seuss. ;) I don't think you'll want that it in this.

Oh wait, I lied. There is another thing I didn't like.

"Them" that found her wonder
where she went and why?


I don't like "them." Maybe "those" would fit better? Also, why is it in quotations? It makes no sense to me.

Other than that, though, I loved it. Keep up the great work! :D

-Knightley



It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small.
— Neil Armstrong