Hey there Rodhead! June here!
Mars has covered some of the important stuff that I would have touched on, so here's my two cents:
At dusk there will be a redish hue
redish should be reddish, dear.
I think that this poem is a decent start, but I definitely feel that there's room for elaboration. The ideas here are common, and I feel that it won't strike many as interesting without more explanation on these ideas dear.
I also feel that you were restricted by rhyme. Some of your ideas here were absolutely wonderful, but I think that had you not felt that you needed this to rhyme it could certainly be better.
I certainly do love comparing this person to the beauty of Nature. Very dramatic idea there.
So, with a bit of polishing and reworking, I feel you'll have an excellent piece of work.
~ Juniper
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