Exams…
Exams are boring, arduous and long
For the reasons I’m writing this poem, someone should write a song
They come and come and never seem to end
Leaving you studying, even when in bed
We dread them but, we know they’re something we must do
Oi oi, you there, are those crib notes under your shoe
You’re always told they’ll help you later
But surely Shakespeare can’t help if my dreams to be a waiter
They only come, once a year
The rest of the time we spend studying in fear
Will they be hard, will they be tough
I wish they were filled with lots of cool stuff
As I sit and stare, at the blisters on my hand
I wake up from the dream, what’s today,
Another exam
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Greetings, Robz, and a late welcome to YWS! I'm Firearris (Or Heather, whichever you prefer), and I'll be your reviewer tonight. =D
Nice poem, haha. It describes exams quite well. xD This poem is slightly long and a bit repetitive, but for the most part it isn't that bad. I think the previous reviewers already pointed out most of my stuff. =0
Good luck.
~Heather
Hello there
Right. I hope I don't sound mean but this is a disaster. Some parts of your poem did not seem like a poem but something else. I will start with the parts I don't like.
Alright, these first three lines are just off for me. Maybe you should have left out the first line, it is like you are about to tell a speech here or something. To be honest when I started to read the first line I actually started feeling bored. And the third line, it is not working.
I don't get where this line fits into the whole poem, maybe rewriting the idea would make it sound better.
I think tough and hard are the same thing.
These last two stanzas I really thought were the light out of all of this. I liked them a lot, I think this is where you displayed the burden of exams well and made it believable. I thought the arrangement of the last stanza was great. Good job
Overall I think the idea of your poem is a good idea, but maybe you should revise it again. Cut and add some more things. Give it some umph! Make me say, 'I know what you mean'. But keep writing and I hope I helped, and that I didn't sound mean
Ziggie
Hiya,
Anyway, I'm just going to give my general thoughts on this piece stanza by stanza.
Since I'm not a big poetry buff, I'm going to critique you on just the ideas and content, okay? What I like the most about your poem is the subject. I think it's an easy topic to right about, mostly because a lot of people have gone through them and know what they are like. However, I feel like this poem isn't reaching up to its full potential. You barely skim the reasons as to why you/the narrator doesn't like exams, and I think you kind of lost me in the second stanza.
About your first line, I think you could add a lot more to it. Although most people on the site are in the demographic where they know why exams are boring and long, you have to remember that you're writing, and when writing, you should try to make sure that the widest possible range of people will be able to read and understand it. Think of this poem as a persuasive essay from student to parent or teacher. Although they've taken exams in their teenage years, they're going to be a lot less likely to whine or sympathize with said student taking an exam. So, what are you going to write that will change that?
The third line just doesn't really do it for me. What I'm not so keen on is the fact that you're saying you're writing a poem within the actual poem, which kind of takes away the realistic element this have. It would be like if characters in a movie knew they were a part of a movie, and therefore couldn't watch any movies. You're trying to create a world of realism, and the idea that the world you set up is not full, breathing, real, just doesn't sit too well.
Ookay. So, I read these over about three times, and I still don't get exactly what you're trying to say. Your first line is fine, and then your second get's a little ambiguous. I'd like to know what kind of situation the narrator got himself into. Did he get caught cheating? What prompted him to keep notes in his shoe in the first place? And your last line I don't understand at all. Shakespeare? He wrote plays and sonnets; what information would he have that could be of use for an exam? Secondly, dreams to be a waiter? You're talking about exams, so don't get off-topic. If you want to introduce this trait, I'd say put it in earlier so this sudden intro isn't so jarring.
I really like this stanza, actually. It's really adorable. My only problem lies within your third line. First, 'hard' and 'tough' are synonyms, so having both is kind of redundant. Second, I think you loose a lot of the question effect since you don't actually have question marks, and thus the reader is left to imagine if the narrator is stating facts or asking something.
You mention earlier that exams only come once a year, and to me the 'another exam' thing just makes them seem like they're a lot more frequent then they are. Just a thought. Anyway, I really like this poem. I like what it could become, so stick with this and work to bring it up to its full potential. Anyway, good luck, and PM me for anything.
-Elinor x