No words were shared as the small battalion marched ever forwards. They had no need for them, only for the small gestures made by their leaders as a form of communication. The rain pelted them from above, and the lightning illuminated the path before them. Their steps were far from silent, but could not be heard over the deafening booms of Ithilian’s anger above them. Each fork of light in the sky would have them moving farther towards their small, insignificant, quarry.
The bright luminance of their eyes was the only source of light, save for the small flicker of sparks as metal-shod feet struck against the stone ground. There was not a sound of breath, as they did not require it. The rain did not deter them from their path, for they cut through it as if they were marching in the calm of a spring morning.
Cresting a rise, they came into view of the small, sleepy, village that was first on their conquest. Only a few of those who lived there were out and about, and even then they rushed through what they had to, for fear of catching one of the many Cold-inflicted diseases that were common among those who did not have the treatment options available to those of greater fortune.
A collective slither of steel on leather sounded out through the rain, as gunpowder would not ignite in the deluge that the storm brought. Those who were walking through the streets of the small town were quickly cut down by a storm of arrows from the archers before the doors were kicked in and homes were invaded by the metal-encased Dunemarian sword-wielders.
Frightened eyes flickered around as families were cut down and screams filled the desolate night air. As quickly as it had started, the screams stopped. All that was left in the void was the violent pounding of the rain on everything it hit, and the quiet, almost nonexistent, swear of vengeance from a young girl, barely a woman, clutching her little brother to her chest as she watched the Dunemarian soldiers march away from her hiding spot under the eaves of their home. The soldiers’ armor still gleamed as if a battle hadn’t just taken place…
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Canary word: Present
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well this was quite a fun read here. I think this makes for a really good prologue. It's definitely got the potential to be quite a bit of fun here. I'm enjoying the overall vibe of this very much.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Wow that's a really great paragraph to open with. There's some really nice imagery there...it definitely sets the mood for some potentially epic things to come and I am loving it so far. Great way to get a reader's attention too.
OOoh, some people be going in with a lot of purpose here...well this should be quite fun in the end. I'm getting quite excited to see what's going to happen next here.
Nice touch of the backstory there. Definitely lends a bit of realism there to mention that during the imagery here. Really lets you know what kind of time period we're talking about and what kind of setting this whole thing is set in.
Looks like the beginnings of a truly epic battle breaking out there. Its flowing together fairly well so far. Things are going well for the moment. Let's hope it continues that way.
OOooh now that's a sign of just total destruction there...quite a powerful image there to put into a prologue...leaves a lot of mystery and gives you quite a taste for excitement. I'd say this is a really well done prologue.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall I think you've got a really nice prologue here and it definitely sounds like the start of what will be a really good story. I would certainly read on after seeing this as the prologue.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you! I appreciate it!
Hello. Here for a review.
I think you could remove the ‘ever’ It seems rebundant here.
It seems a little vague.You could write ‘They had no need of them for the small gestures made by their leaders was the only form of communication’
You should remove the comma after insignificant.
I think save will be saved.
The rest was awesome. I really liked the description of that woman and her brother. Keep it up! And can you pls tag me on the release of the next chapter?
Okay! Thanks so much! I will keep that in mind and see what I can do to fix those few literary mistakes. Thanks again!
No problem!
Nice!
This seems kind of small. If it is supposed to be a prologue put that at the top. If it is meant to be a chapter it needs some more meat to it. There is also a a few too-long sentences. For example:
" All that was left in the void was the violent pounding of the rain on everything it hit, and the quiet, almost nonexistent, swear of vengeance from a young girl, barely a woman, clutching her little brother to her chest as she watched the Dunemarian soldiers march away from her hiding spot under the eaves of their home."
this needs to be broken up.
Going along with more meat to the bones, maybe give more description to what is actually happening. Its kind of written more in a vision sort of way.
Other than those and a few grammatical errors, I think this is great!
-James Peterson/Zacharias Drake
Thank you! And, yes, this is supposed to be a prologue. I will keep that in mind!