Freshly Fallen (random clip)

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: Okay...well, this was a pretty interesting little start right here, the premise behind of all of this certainly seems pretty cool at any rate, and it seems to be the type of story I'd certainly read at any rate.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I hung my head as I stood on the edge of Gregory's apartment building roof top. Far below, the humans bickered and fought and ignored one another as they drove the metal carriages they prized so much. Human kind had fallen so far. They were so small and insignificant from my view point, and it felt right. And yet the One loved them, more than my kind.

OKay...well, interesting statement there to get started on...I love how mysterious it is though, there's no attempt at spoon-feeding some kind of explanation to us, but rather things are cutting straight to the point with the universe...and its left to us to try and understand what's happening, which makes this very interesting here. Great start.

A gust of wind buffeted me, sending dark locks swirling about and into my face. Wrinkling my nose distatefully, I tied my hair back with a length of leather from my wrist.

Looking out across their lit up sky, I yearned for the feeling of the wind tugging my wings as I battled the sky and won... A pang struck my chest, close to my heart, and I put it out of my mind. My wings were gone. I would not get them back. There was no use crying about it.

Hmm...well, all of this is slowly leading me to the conclusion that this is perhaps the story of something like a fallen angel here judging by the earlier descriptions and this talk of missing out on a pair of wings.

The human's attempts at sneaking up on me however... That was worth shedding silver tears.

I sprung to the side, landin gon the concrete ledge, feeling my legs respond like they should- superior-like. Gregory stumbled and flattened himself on the ledge, missing me and having to catch himself before he tumbled to the streets below. His head hung out past the ledge, and the wind gripped and whipped his hair in snake-like tendrils, his eyes wide and his back heaving with each ragged breath. He slid to the rooftop and lodged himself securely between the ledge corners and the roof. His hair, windblown and tangled, matched his wild hazel eyes which darted from me to the ledge he'd almost run himself off of.

Okay...cause we kind of have no idea who this human and where they are in relation to one another that whole description kind of comes off a tiny bit confusing. Also the reference to silver tears doesn't really do much to convey how this person feels about it cause at least I've no idea what crying silvers tears is meant to mean....could just be me on that one though.

"Aren't you supposed to be helping me?" He snapped after a long moment of recollection, standing and quickly moving away from the ledges. "Not let me die?"

I tilted my head questioningly, without looking at him. I stood sideways to him, facing out toward where the two sides met. Casually I placed my leg out to in front of me and fell toward it, catching myself on the forward foot solidly, the concrete grit between my toes as I spun to face him. "I do not see what frightens you so about the height." I craned my body over the edge to look down upon the couple who walked hand in hand on the sidewalk. "It's only about twenty stories."

Well...that's a fun little interaction to let us know that this other person is someone that this fallen angel person is helping for some reason, and that this person clearly seems to have quite a bit of a fear of heights right here.

He became flushed, setting his jaw. "You're not teaching me anything. I could learn more reading crappy teen novels about angels." He looked at me, hazel eyes hardened and glossy. The wind picked up once more and he had to raise his voice for him to think I could hear him. He did not understand that I could hear the dogs and cats snuffling around the dumpsters on the ground, or the nest of chicks in the West Hills. "Besides, coming from someone who supposedly fell from heaven, I doubt that twenty stories means a lot to you. They couldn't have thrown a better angel down for me, could they? Figures as much." He threw up his hands exasperatedly, his voice sarcastic and annoyed.

Well...this sounds like its going to be a very entertaining relationship these two judging by how they appear to hate each other for now. Relationships between mentor and mentee that start out this way and eventually become wholesome is one of my favorite storylines to read about. Aaaand judging by this it looks like this other person is some sort of angel in training that's currently human and is about to learn how to be one....or at least it appears that way. That's certainly not an idea I've run into before.

I could feel my heart quicken and anger ooze into my chest. I sprung off the ledge in his direction, he took a step back, and I untied my hair- letting it falls as I walked up to him. Every cell of me wanted to hold him over the ledge, but the anger subsided and I felt a burning, sinking, knowledge that he was right about me- and the anger dropped from my chest and settled like an iron weight in my gut. My muscles in the arms relaxed, my will sapped.

Well...that sounded like a bit of a close call there between potential murder, but I do like to see how this person can see sense that perhaps what's being said has some ring of truth to it and manages to actually control themselves. It seems like we have a fairly well developed character here.

He was still tensed, ready to flinch, and I turned before he could see my change of heart.

"You have every abillity to be the angel your father must've been. If I am inadequate, I will let you harness them yourself." I said lowly, head tipped down as I made my way to the door.

Well...that looks like this person just quit the thing that they signed up for....and well...that makes for a lovely ending here to this first part, definitely a wonderful little cliffhanger that's going to make readers want to find out more.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, a pretty solid looking piece this one. It certainly caught my attention and kept said attention throughout the piece here. It seems like it could make for a pretty good story here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Well, I don't quite understand anything in this.

Is it about a fallen angel who tries to teach a human to become an angel? O.o I hope so.
I liked the writing style, but felt that the main character had a lot less substance that you made her out to be. ^^" Work on that, will you?

hung my head as I stood on the edge of Gregory's apartment building roof top.

That should be apartment building's roof top.

landin gon the concrete ledge

*Landing on

He slid to the rooftop and lodged himself securely between the ledge corners and the roof

This is confusing, I mean, wasn't he already on the roof top? Synonym time! XD

Otherwise, I can't see any visible mistakes, so good job. ^^

You could work on really catching the reader's attention, though!

Keep writing!