Mitchell's Help Guide - Chapter 6

To be or not to be?

That’s pretty much what a reader will decide when they open your book and start reading your novel. Hence why first impressions count for everything. Literally, everything. It’s a challenge enough for the aesthetic precision of the blurb and the cover to entice to the reader to the inner pages of YOUR novel amidst a shop full of books.

Once they penetrate those outer walls, they want to be impressed by your language and so… the first thing you say to the reader counts.

Let’s look at some famous examples of opening lines… Hang on wait! What the fur? I just realised how formal, together and totally professional that sounded. FUCK THIS! This is my guide and I’m doing it my way. So where was I? Ah yes. I have already told you in the previous chapter about my famous octopus line I hope you all enjoyed.

Suffice it to say, that it didn’t exactly provide a stimulating hook to my story and the rest of the manuscript pretty much followed suit, hence why I decided to lock it away in a safe, piss on it and never look at it again.

Anyways…

‘It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.’ —George Orwell, 1984

Now it’s not by way of my job to assess why these opening lines are “good” and to be honest, that is such a fucking subjective concept that it would be possible to define it anyway. I mean… what is “good?”

The basic message I want you retards to take away from this chapter is that, you have to write in the way that feels natural to you, however, the opening line of whatever you’re writing has to have that ingredient ‘x’ that makes it unique and interesting and ultimately; makes the reader want to continue reading your work.

Now for our tribute:

‘Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.’ – JK Rowling, The Philosopher’s Stone. (my queen)

The thing about these opening lines is that they make you ask questions.

For example, the first one is a great example of bamboozling the expectations of the reader. What boring no-life person would open their book with a description of the weather? But he goes on to dispel such boredom with clocks striking “thirteen” you read this and start thinking: How is it possible? Thus, you read the rest of the book to find out. And are sorely disappointed when the protagonist is revealed as a turncoat the end of the novel. But I won’t give away explicit spoilers.

Now probably most the famous example in literature, yes Mrs Harry Potter Money Bags I mean you. The tone of the line is ironic. It makes you want to know who these characters are. (And what exactly makes them so normal, or not in this case.) This is very simply, but skilfully crafted.

And you should attempt to do the same thing. Make your words work for you. Having a bloody purpose. Do you follow me?

Is your opening line going to shock, or astound, or confuse, or insult the reader? You should know all about the power of insults from my works, so it clearly is a very effective method, because if you’ve made it this far reading my work, then it’s kept you engaged.

Just, whatever you do, don’t have an opening line that means nothing. It has to be slightly mysterious, very enticing, and not a description about fucking weather patterns or global warming. Save that for the boring geography essay.

Laters.

Chapter seven will tell you about the joys of Making Technical Decisions.