Of all the things I have done in the past;
nothing stays the same; nothing can last.
From past to present, I roam the earth;
From life to death is my rebirth.
What it means to be dead, I know not;
Everything I had, when I lived, has now rot.
I once had it all, from land to riches;
Now I have been reduced to wishes.
What is it that she knows that I don't?
My life is a secret. Share it, I won't.
Every day is a death for my soul;
Every night just lets me roll;
Deep in my everlasting rest, I dream;
But things are never what they seem.
From life to death, so it has been;
Far from love and close to sin.
In her chamber, my lady weeps;
Alone in bed, she ever sleeps.
Given now, my heart lay rest;
From life to death, none is best.
My lady weeps now evermore;
Since I had come to Death's door;
Am I in Heaven or in Hell;
Where am I, shan't tell.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,213 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
1. I suggest you separate into stanzas of 4 lines each.
2. The first four lines sucked me into this poem--rhyming is difficult to do.
3. The flow is epic.
4. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT
I really like this poem, you had me from the first four lines. Also, I don't know if you noticed or if it was intentional but your poem fits many of the requirements of a Shakespearean sonnet. It has the usual fourteen lines and the rhyming pattern of (e, f, e, f) and even though it doesn't have the required structure of three quatrains and couplet, I would say its very close to being a Shakespearan sonnet and could be if you wanted it to be.
, and I think you did very well. It flows well and shows your talents as a writer. Well done.Firstly I salute you to writing a poem with rhyme, which is hard to do without being nonsensical. I thought you did this very well except for the eighth line which ends in 'dishes.' Instead maybe you could have written something that fitted more that ended with another word that rhymes with riches like 'wishes'??? Overall I really liked the structure of this poem and the vague mysterious tone that you wrote it in, so that it sounded almost like a riddle. I loved the question and answering side of the poem with line such as
All and all it seems like it has allot of thought put into it. It is a little hard to understand but hey if you like it then.....
~FW~
Overall, a good poem. Just want you to know, that all my comments were made good-heartedly with no intention of any harm whatsoever. They're mere suggestions from my squiggly and odd point of view. Good job, keep it up!