Whenever I see my little friend dance, I feel my heart ringing.
The next thing I knew, out comes my voice as singing.
The more he danced, the more I sang
Out in the streets as my heart rang.
He danced like a master, though his loyalty runs deep
And he knows too well that I sing in my sleep.
He's heard me sing at home and church,
Yet dances outside in attempt to search
For the magic that few were born to use
And forever slaved by emotional abuse.
He hears the magic flow from within my voice
And tells me about it with a very hard choice.
I could suppress my gift and face eternal silence-
Where the result of this is threats of violence-
Or embrace my gift and give it a name
Which means my life won't be the same.
I call it Musica - the magic of song
And it remains where I belong,
Which is the place where my heart stays
Until the end of time and days.
Watching others dance fills me with bliss
And I burst into song like a first kiss.
My friend has gone to heaven where I know he waits
And hopes to find me at the golden gates.
In heaven, angels sing and dance together
Which is where I'll live, now and forever.
Hey Redfang18,
This was beautiful. You have such a stunning word placement and a really powerful structure.
The imagery you create is really indescribable. Magical, really. I adore the line:
And he knows too well that I sing in my sleep.
Characters are usually conveyed vaguely and without broad personality in poetry, but you've somehow managed to subtly give your two these whimsical little attributes. Special.
I feel like this poem is such a deep story. Like a song, but more artistic.
It ends too, conclusively and firmly. I love that. Good endings are always, always crucial.
Well done! I really enjoyed reading that, and the only thing I would pick out is that sometimes your flow is interrupted. You always get back on track, however, so good on you.
NightWriter x
i love it. i really really do. dance is my first passion. writing my second. i often combine the two. you have done so well. i love the poetry. i for some reason just cannot rhyme :p
i covet your skills.
oh and i love your dragon picture.
great job!!! <3
This is very good, the rhyme scheme was better than what you told you were bad at, obviously your being humble about it. Now I think you could break this up into about three or four stanzas it depends really, also I did find it kinda funny that the gift you talk about is called Musica, the reason I find it funny is cause there is a person on YWS known as xXMusicaXx or Scya depending on which name you like to call her by. Maybe you should show this to her? Your call. Now also, as far as I can see the grammer and spelling check out. And finally in my personal opinion this was very good in terms of a poem, try to write more and I'll review them!
This has been your pal LoyalHeart signing off! Have a good day.