(Note: Just a short horror story)
1987
Pineridge, Oregon
Davis Sanders was your stereotypical teen. He loved rock, football, and video games. He stayed up late partying and was always the first to welcome a "newbie" to Ridge High. He was very popular, and was dating the most popular girl in the school, Sara Mathews. In short, he was living the good life. Until now. He was laying in his bed, his head pressed against the pillow, thinking up a dream he would have soon about Sara. He was good at having the dreams he wanted. All that thinking about her eyes, her hair....it made him fall asleep. But his dream was not what he wanted. Far from it. He was in his bed. Although...the room was darker...the light from the streetlamp still shone through the window...but it was almost like it was being dimmed. He began to feel uneasy, and with his sense of growing unease...the streetlight started to flicker. On and off. On and off. On. Off. It went on like this for who knows how long...the anxiety he felt mounting with every cycle. Then, and only then did the light flicker....and die. All of the sudden it was pitch black in room. No light at all shone. He heard his door open....bit by bit as if whoever, whatever was coming in was trying to be stealthy. He heard soft footsteps on his carpet. Moving around the room until the stopped beside his bed. Right beside his head. He could hear breathing. Ragged and scratchy as if the whatever it was had been running for a very long time. David realized he could not move. Every nerve in his body was screaming at him to run..to hide..to fight...to do something! A pair of beady yellow eyes flared to life over him. His nerves took over his body. He screamed, loud and raw, until his throat hurt and his eyes watered. Yet the dream did not end. Waves of pure terror..unlike he had ever felt before...washed over his body. Again and again he screamed himself hoarse. Yet the thing did not move. Then the footsteps started up again, moving away from him, and out of his bedroom. The sound of footsteps receded, until there was nothing left but silence and the sound of his breathing. He waited for what seemed like eons until he called out. "Nicole?" A voice...a throaty high pitched creepy voice answered from just outside of his door frame. Yes honey? He screamed...and over his screaming came the sound of the being laughing. The sound of fast footsteps approached his bed and the streetlamp flickered once. Once being enough to show the being in full form.
He screamed. Long and loud. Then he got his wish. He opened his eyes to his room. Bathed in the glow of the streetlight. He sat bolt upright, dripping in sweat. His room was empty. He pinched himself, and felt pain. He breathed, in and out, calming himself down. It had just been a dream. A nightmare. It had not been real at all. He was safe. He was fine. He checked his clock. It was 3:30 am. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with his white T-Shirt and then reached for the glass of water on his nightstand, taking several long drinks from it before laying back down. He drifted off to sleep, the dream not even on his mind. He had the dream he wanted. And outside while he slept peacefully...the streetlamp....... flickered.
Excerpt From The Sanders Death: An Oregon Mystery
"Davis Sanders never woke up from his sleep. He was found dead the next morning, with no visible injuries and no signs of a struggle. The cause of his death was never determined. His parents moved away shortly afterword, while his girlfriend, Sara Mathews, committed suicide two months later after complaining of recurring nightmares. Traffic Cam footage from the determined time of her (Mathews) death, 3:30 am, shows all of the streetlamps down her street flickering briefly before resuming their normal glow."
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138,265 Literary Works • 672,093 Reviews
Wow just wow. This was a fabulously twisted and spooktacular (yes I know I spelled it wrong) read! I can’t stand horror movies but I love horror novels and this is no different I loved this!
The newspaper part was the cherry on top! I loved it I think this definitely needs a part two, you have incredible talent that I wish I could harness for myself. This book give me the sweet tingle of a spooky read that I love.
You have a talent of keeping a reader interested while making them not want to stop the picture was so spooky and made me feel like it was me looking up at it.
Although I kinda wish there was a bit more of maybe some smaller details that could have really made this book perfect.
But this book was really was something of a genius I loved this book, please make a part 2 this is something that was such a good read.
Wow just wow. This was a fabulously twisted and spooktacular (yes I know I spelled it wrong) read! I can’t stand horror movies but I love horror novels and this is no different I loved this!
The newspaper part was the cherry on top! I loved it I think this definitely needs a part two, you have incredible talent that I wish I could harness for myself. This book give me the sweet tingle of a spooky read that I love.
You have a talent of keeping a reader interested while making them not want to stop the picture was so spooky and made me feel like it was me looking up at it.
Although I kinda wish there was a bit more of maybe some smaller details that could have really made this book perfect.
But this book was really was something of a genius I loved this book, please make a part 2 this is something that was such a good read.
Wow just wow. This was a fabulously twisted and spooktacular (yes I know I spelled it wrong) read! I can’t stand horror movies but I love horror novels and this is no different I loved this!
The newspaper part was the cherry on top! I loved it I think this definitely needs a part two, you have incredible talent that I wish I could harness for myself. This book give me the sweet tingle of a spooky read that I love.
You have a talent of keeping a reader interested while making them not want to stop the picture was so spooky and made me feel like it was me looking up at it.
Although I kinda wish there was a bit more of maybe some smaller details that could have really made this book perfect.
But this book was really was something of a genius I loved this book, please make a part 2 this is something that was such a good read.
How spooky and mysterious! I am left with a feeling of Halloween uneasiness after reading this. The being, was it the ex-girlfriend of Davis? Nicole? Or a friend? Had he wronged her/it somehow? Davis and Sara were the popular kids, perhaps they picked on Nicole without realizing it?
There might be more to it than I know. Either way, it’s a good story.
I hope that you will have a spooktacular day and night.
Trick or Write, curious mind!
Rinisha here, ready to dive into the pages of this eerie story. 🤡!
Buckle up, 'cause we're diving into my haunting magic! 🎃
The up-to-no-good Stuff:
First of all, let's talk about the fang-tastic parts that are really witch-approved!
This was a very intriguing story. It gives a lot of goosebumps and chills. Great job on the descriptions and the narrative voice. Amazing Halloween submit, however I do think you could divide the bigger paragraphs into smaller, more clearer ones. Or else it can just seem like a big chunk of words. Great concept along with lovely names. I love the flickering of the lights that you mentioned, it makes the story more eerie.
Trick or Write:🎭
I would also suggest you give some more background info on Sarah. You do mention that she was the most popular girl in school, but dig deeper. Talk about her family and how she was linked to the nightmares. Think about talking why she committed suicide. Where the nightmares getting too much. Or was it just because she missed Davis. What did Davis and his parents think of that? Did they know Davis as Sarah got nightmares?
You also want to consider explaining who Nicole is. I mean, you mentioned her, but you didn't go deeper in it. Think about whether she was a former girlfriend of his. Was she his sister who had died a long time ago. Was she his neighbour? Why is she haunting him? Does she need him for something, did she kill him?
I think the fact that Davis died in his sleep seems a little off. Did he get a heart attack while he had a nightmare? Or was he killed by that monster? Try to provide some more clarifications on his death.
Overall scream-worthy:
You did an awesome job. This was an amazing halloween story along with some master class descriptions. I love the chill it gives the readers and makes them sit at the edge of their seat waiting to be hit by the sudden death of Davis. You did great! Not to forget your eerie picture...
Be sure to Check or Treat out…📔🦇
Moonlight by @LuminescentAnt and 31 Hellish Halloween Tales (Tales 1-8) (Part One) by @Vampricone6783
While reading your Halloween addition, I had the feeling that you would really like these two.
Have a boo-tiful day or night further! Keep writing! You are spook-takular!
Oooooh spooky! Let's make a spooky review snack! First off, I appreciate this, given the time of the year. It felt like a toss-up of a Goosebump novel, a Hans Christian Anderson tale, and an excerpt from a true-crime or paranormal TV show. The build-up of tension and action of this is done really well. You bring the reader in slowly with anticipation as Davis is experiencing the entity in his "dream." So, there's a cookie for our Oreo of all the positives that popped in my head immediately.
Onto the cream! I do believe there is an error in the last sentence. Up until that sentence, the pronouns have been he/him, but there are two uses of "her" in the ending sentence. I would recommend reading this aloud. There are parts that sound awkward or less easy to read. For example, "the dream not even on his mind." There are also a few grammatical things going on where you have incomplete sentences. While this works for some sentences, especially to quicken the pace of the read as the action increases, it can throw some off and make the read trickier - just a few suggestions. Take what you want and leave out all the rest!
Lastly, the other Oreo, or what I know. I know that this took me into something. I felt like I was right there with my heartbeat quickening as I imagined this play out. Happy Halloween! Wishing you well wherever you are in the world. With love, a♡