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E - Everyone Language

The Insignificant

by RaziaR

"O lofty mountain! Why do you look sad?

You used to be green and majestic,

Now, you look rather bald.

All these winding roads like scars on your body,

Like you have battled hard,

And fought till you are bloody."

"O warm river! Only a boulder remains.

I have been mined and crushed,

But I have remained steadfast in vain.

When the heavens split on my behalf,

Vengeance is my consolation.

But why do you laugh?"

"O dense mountain! My problems are much more than yours.

My healing arms have been closed off,

trapped by concrete jaws.

Every graceful living being in me is dead,

I carry only plastics, polythene and

sometimes factory lead."

"O rushing river! How quickly you flood?

A temper that overflows,

Our positions you have misunderstood.

My problems I tell you to make you understand,

That we are not in competition,

But victims by Humanity's destructive hand."

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8 Reviews

Points: 30
Reviews: 8

Mon Oct 19, 2020 1:53 am
Adu05 wrote a review...

I love this poem and the message it is trying to convey and I think that the idea behind making it a conversation between the river and the mountain is absolutely brilliant and super creative. I love the imagery and the descriptions and the contrast between the past and present for the two speakers, this really helps make the underlying theme clearer and easier to connect with.

However, I feel that if you had split the poem into stanzas, preferably a new one after each speaker stops talking, it would make it a lot easier to identify the conversation between them. In addition to that, the rhyme scheme is a little inconsistent so I would suggest working on that a little but don't worry too much... Rhyming is Hard!!

Overall I think this is a really great poem that highlights an important problem we are facing today. I love your style and the language you used and I am looking forward to more of your amazing poems. Keep writing :)

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33 Reviews

Points: 837
Reviews: 33

Sat Oct 17, 2020 6:14 pm
piyaliarchives says...

You delivered this in such a beautiful manner. I liked your writing style. Keep up the good work! Peace.

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Points: 20
Reviews: 0

Sat Oct 17, 2020 3:12 pm
Flamefeather says...

I love this! The images implant themselves so vividly in my head, - fascinating!

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35 Reviews

Points: 508
Reviews: 35

Sat Oct 17, 2020 8:41 am
rida wrote a review...

Wow! I think this is an AMAZING poem! Good job! It explains wonderfully the effects of pollution. And I like how you wrote this poem starting with ‘O.....’ . This was an amazing poem, and my favourite line was the last sentence:

But victims by Humanity's destructive hand."

I had a bit of a confusion, and that was:

In the first stanza, you are talking to the mountain, but from the second stanza, the river and all other things start talking. Other than that, no grammatical mistakes or other mistakes.

So, overall, I loved this poem, and look forward to others like this! Keep on writing!

:D :)

Stupidity's the deliberate cultivation of ignorance.
— William Gaddis