sensorimotor stage

hi Razel! I feel like I've reviewed another poem of yours?

I like most of all how this poem seems to be addressing a younger feminine self or figure, the "her" without fully stabilizing who she is - that's neat! I think that uncertainty works because the poem is less interested in biography than in its tenderness. The narrator is encountering someone innocent enough to give love without understanding the cost of giving it, which is a very solid idea when you consider all of the implications behind that sentiment.

The sacrifice line is interesting too because it introduces adult interpretation onto a childlike figure -> "i want to thank her for her sacrifice, / but she is too young to understand that it is a sacrifice" is great because the narrator recognizes that this girl has given something up, or given too much of herself, before she even had the language to consent to it. That made me consider retrospective grief for innocence, or for the way young people are trained to offer themselves emotionally even when they have not been protected themselves.

^ However, I think sacrifice may be doing too much? It tells us how to read her giving, but the poem gives only one image of that giving: the thumb-sucking. That image is good since it's infantile, but I felt that the whole sacrifice idea felt too large without being embodied. What exactly is she sacrificing? Why does childhood have to be so closely tied with this loss / sacrifice? I like the Piaget title idea with this -> can you connect those two more, maybe?

I would also think about the dash into the "young young young" line. My interpretation was that the narrator can't say anything more complex than their youth. That said, I think your poem is surreal in a way where that ending is just so DIRECT. Your poem has already established youth through sacrifice, belief, undeservingness, thumb-sucking, warmth, etc, so repeating young three times announces what the imagery already implies. I do not think it needs to be cut, necessarily, but I would ask whether it deepens the ending or simply explains it... why that choice in ending?

I did enjoy this though; great work!

best,
cocteau

Hello!

This is a nice, short text that still sticks to the memory. Good job!!!

The way you used no capital letters - maybe you were just lazy - but it's a style that gives a certain feeling to the reader and it fits! The story/plot is also good, with a mysterious and sad atmosphere, maybe regretful? Also, the way you repeated "she believes in love" twice was a good technique. I don't 100% understand what happens, but it's also good if it's mysterious.

Great job!

HMMHhehe