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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hi Razel,
I'm no good with poetry but I like the way you review and figured I would check if you have any works in your portfolio
I find these lines in particular very intriguing, that orchids--flowers-- scream and that they are in it both benevolent and at the same time violent. Screams are usually violent so I think that ties into it.
Overall I really like the flow of the poem :3 It's a very pleasant read!
(checking cocteau's review, I realise that I missed all the meanings yet again xd Ah but hey, at least you can rest assured that even ppl who don't get it like the poem!)
(Also I checked the summary and I like how it uses the names of the months =D)
hi Razel, figured I would review this poem for you!
What first caught my eye was that this poem creates this really liminal space of the metaphorical "last day of spring." I found that it's this such a delicate balance between beauty and trauma; it coexists in this place that is both somehow violent and benevolent -> for instance, the screaming orchid metaphor. Orchids are symbols of refined beauty and "exoticism" in a way, so by giving the orchid the ability to scream (literally or not), you subvert the general idea of nature. I thought this personification suggests an internal world that is far more turbulent than its outward appearance, fitting for a time of renewal like spring. I also felt that it captures the feeling of being "put together" while experiencing some sort of internal distress.
^ Like, the lines "so benevolent, so / violent" highlight the duality of intense experiences, how people tend to gravitate towards one side of the spectrum instead of balancing emotions. I did wonder if it was perhaps love, or perhaps memory? I could see both under different circumstances. I do love how this shows that things which nurture us can also be overwhelming or destructive in their intensity, and that's just a part of life that all people have to overcome.
Then comes the acoustic details like the "click" thing - I am very curious about that? I could see if it suggests the shutter of a camera? Like, it can be seen as some kind of an attempt to freeze a beautiful moment (such as the eyes) before it fades. I did also think that it could represent some kind of dissociative tic or a psychological "reset," such as something where the mind clicks back into a safe place to avoid the "violent" reality of spring / growing up / things changing. I do like that your poetry can be read in so many different ways though, and everyone can interpret things in their own way; that makes this poem so much more enjoyable!
Though, the section with the whole "scream for catharsis / scream for closure / sing for sweet release" is the weakest part of the poem's structure for me. These lines rely on very abstract, "therapy-speak"-ish nouns; so, these lines feel more like a summary of feelings rather than an actual experience of them. They tell us as readers what the narrator wants instead of showing the narrator’s struggle to get there - what does "closure" look like? Maybe you can try using concrete imagery would maintain the surrealist energy of previous lines.
Anyway, this is a really neat exploration of the anxiety of endings -> that is always incredibly poetic, and I've loved seeing how you use such surreal imagery to portray such things!
best,
cocteau
Fellow new YWS member!!!! Here are some tips! If you are to write a poem, like a story, try to add italics and bolded words to empathize the line or phrase. Also make sure to check for spelling mistakes(I've done that a few times and hadn't noticed lol) because idk if you mean onto or unto sorry cuz I absolutely suck at English-. I love how you added, "click, click, click,". Adding onomatopoeia is super creative! And your range of vocabulary is excellent! Using words like benevolent can enhance the poem rather than using dead words. Anyways, those were just tips! Other than that, the poem is TRULY AMAZING AND SCRUMPTIOUS TO MY EYES (my way of saying like amazing or yummy! :3). I encourage you to continue improving and will look forward to it!
A somewhat new YWS member,
Nataleee