The magician's war (chapter one)

i'm looking for someone who can really rip through this and junk. Tell me what's wrong with it and where I need to fix it not just conceptually but grammatical wise too. So if anyone out there is willing too please contact me!

Allen Gideon crouched before his son and with tender hands brushed the long dark hair out of his eyes. In normal circumstances he was a man who despite his age looked young and lively; but now, the crow’s feet he’d developed from years of smiling had deepened from worry, and his warm welcoming smile had turned into a thin lipped grimace, and his dirty blonde hair, once spotless, had developed notable streaks of white.

“Arthur,” he said “in the back of this closet there’s a secret door built for emergencies. As soon as I close this door, I want you and your brother to escape. Follow the passage and it’ll lead you to a street a couple of blocks from here; your suitcases are hidden by the exit. Go to the train station and take these Ids. You’re going to live with some relatives. Wait there a couple of years, and they can’t charge you with anything.”

While gripping the hand of his little brother Michael tightly, Arthur smiled bravely and nodded, in spite of the circumstances. Allen smiled and swooped both boys up in to a tight bear hug. Michael burst into tears and Allen calmed him with another smile.

“Don’t worry Michael, you’ve got a bright mind and a bright future ahead of you,” he said and wiped a tear from the young boy’s eyes. “And Arthur you’re the man now, I need you to take care of your brother. It’s a tough world out there and in order to survive you’ll need each other.” Arthur tried to keep a brave face but even he was having trouble keeping the tears at bay.

Allen gave his sons one last hug before he shut the door. The darkness drove into them, and all that remained was the fading footsteps of their father, and the rim of light drawing a box around the door frame. Michael tugged Arthur’s shirt towards the back of the closet where the secret door was but Arthur resisted. The closet was upstairs and they could hear everything going on below. There was a loud bang and a terrible wrenching noise as someone ripped open their front door. Raised voices, crashes, and footsteps echoed across the door. Arthur opened the door a crack and saw several soldiers surround his father holding machine guns. Allen Gideon didn’t budge or look scared; his expression was passive and even carried a confident smile as he stood casually with his hands in his pocket. The men with guns spread apart to make a path for a handsome man dressed impeccably in his military uniform with five gold stars on his chest that labeled his status as a General. The General resembled every opposite of Arthur’s father with his raven hair cut short and his serious demeanor. Though the man had a critical advantage on Allen, he did not smile.

Allen spoke first, “Sergeant Corbet you’re a General now, congratulations. How much butt kissing did you have to do to get there?” General Corbet’s face remained passive and Allen continued smiling.

“Everything’s a joke with you Gideon,” said Corbet “That’s why I’m standing here and you’re standing there.”

“I’m standing here because I have a spine,” Allen replied. For a second the General’s face flash with rage but it was only a ripple in a calm sea. The General’s demeanor demonstrated the quiet calm before a storm, and that alone said a lot about how dangerous he was. Allen clapped his hands and the earth beneath them turned to mush, in which all the surrounding soldiers sunk waist deep into the ground. Corbet responded quickly with a snap of his fingers and a torrent of water shut up from the earth drowning the trapped soldiers and would’ve done the same to Allen had he not summoned a pillar of earth to elevate him above the flood. Corbet rode a wave that lifted him up to Allen’s level, which put the two of them out of Arthur’s view. The wave caused by the General rose up to the top floor forcing Arthur to shut the door; yet, a trickle of water still managed to slip beneath the threshold.

Arthur wanted to step out and see more of his father’s epic battle with General Corbet but Michael was still persistently tugging at his shirt. Arthur took his brother’s hand and led him through the trap door and out into the tunnel beyond. The water had gotten worse by then and was waist deep by the time they left the tunnel, which led out into the sewer. Arthur took one final look back in the direction of his father before opening the sewer port hole and letting in the grim light of the day…

The Grand Central train pulled into the station its engine pumping huge clouds of steam onto the platform. The Steward coughed as he took the tickets from the two grim looking boys in front of him; the older boy held his brother’s hand tightly. He checked their Ids which read, Erick Woodman age 11 and Sean Woodman age 9. He asked “You boys going to,” he checked the tickets “Mill town?”

“Yes sir,” replied the older boy Erick. “We have family down there.”

The steward nodded and permitted them entrance on to the train. Arthur accepted their fake ideas when the steward handed them back to him and he led Michael into one of the compartments. The steward was nice enough to load their suitcases into the item storage for them. Before he left the steward informed them that if they needed anything all they had to do was ring the bell and someone would be there to help them. Arthur thanked the man who then returned to his job.

When the compartment door shut, it was just Arthur, Michael and the huge elephant in the room. Arthur was staring out the window when Michael spoke.

“The way dad spoke,” Michael started picking his words carefully “it sounded as if we’d never see him again.”

Arthur nodded. The compartment shook as the train came to life and more steam poured onto the platform outside. Arthur watched as the city scenery faded to green beyond the window as the train left the father behind, and left their home behind. Michael started to cry and, seconds later Arthur was crying too as he hugged his brother.

“If we’re going to make our father’s death mean anything,” Arthur said through choked sobs “our lives have to be for the sake of killing the man who broke our family.”

Michael gasped, “But we’re not strong enough.” Then he looked into his brother’s eyes and saw a passion so fiery that it burned bright red in his eyes. “Then we’ll get stronger, Michael.”