Memory.

Hi Ray! I really liked this poem.

The only thing I found was a problem in it, was in this line:

we are like 2 opposites where without one,

Okay this poem has a ton of potential the way it is laid out you can put so much into it. There are many things you can describe here so do it. It will make it easier to fall into, like the reader is there and it will be easier to read. Paint a picture with your poetry. Also I noticed that you used the number 2 instead of the word. You should refrain from doing that in your writing unless it's a date or a time. Or it adds meaning to the poem.

Hope I helped.
~peanut~

Hi, I'm Grin, it's nice to meet you.

The others above me are right. As a reader, I'm not feeling this, I'm just hearing the story. Have you ever read a book and thought, "This is great, but I don't feel as if I'm there"? That's what I'm getting. Don't actually name the emotion or the sense, but tell me what it's like. That's showing, not telling, and that's what poetry is all about - making your reader feel your emotions.

This should also have less breaks in it. Remember, you're describing love, which is a rushed, excited feeling. Don't think about it too much, because then we can't see your emotions.

Hope I helped
~Grin

Hi Ray! I'm Kat, and I'll drop you a quick review, okay?

You know how we, reviewers, go on and on about showing, not telling; and how one of the things that might help a piece with that is describing what our senses sense? Yeah, we usually advice you to do it in a more subtle way. What I'm saying is that generally it would be a good idea to include all the information you do in the first part of the poem, but I don't feel like it works here. It sounds too much like description, it doesn't make us feel it. You're simply enumerating the things, like telling us, not showing. I bet you love it when you read a poem and end up tearing up, or feeling down, or extremely cheered up! This poem has the potential to have those effects on people, it simply needs a bit more of work

Side note: run it through a spell checker and revise your line's order. And, numbers under 24 are supposed to be spelled

Thanks for posting!
- Kat

thanks =) I guess I could've done smell. Lol I totally forgot about that.

You use the senses well and that flows, but it needs more depth and emotion. The last two lines try to pull this together, but is lacking. Also it should be written 'two' not '2'.

The weakest part is the generic lines about the four senses. You could have done smell as well when you think about it. Personally, I'd like more fire in the lines.