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Young Writers Society



Rey x Kylo - Dark Endeavours

by RavenBlack


Note: This is my first fanfiction, I was bored and I guess I've always wanted to write one. The story starts after Rey and Kylo are fighting and Kylo offers Rey to be her teacher.

  "You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the force!" Kylo offered, his voice penetrating through the harsh cold of the wind.

The red and blue sparks flew of their lightsabers and into the snow as they clashed, both trying to get the upper hand over the other. But they were like opposite magnets, they shared the same force and energy as the other.

  "The force?" Rey closed her eyes and remembered what Maz told her in Takadona.  Close your eyes...Feel it...The light it has always been there. 

But Maz was wrong. The last ember of light died when Luke vanished and fear and darkness had shrouded the world into chaos. The sound of her screaming as her parents' ship took flight echoed into reality and her anger followed with it. She was only a child when they abandoned her. What type of parents would forsake their child?

Kylo could tell something had changed. He couldn't explain it but he could feel a shift in her aura, a seed of darkness growing inside her. Now was his chance to shift the tide in his favour. 

Her eyes still shut, he reached out his hand and touched her cheek, entering her mind. She flinched at his touch but she was so consumed with her memories that she didn't give it any thought. He searched through her mind, picking at the roots of doubt and anger within her. 

A sly smile curled onto his lips when he found them. Now was his chance. "Your parents, they betrayed you, abandoned you on a desert to rot. Did they even love you?"

Rey could hear a voice, a familiar voice. It was hard yet sensitive, cold yet warm. Their words tasted like sweet poison. They confused her but part of her believed that what they were saying was right. But she didn't want to believe it.

  "You're lying!" she retorted. Her eyes flashed open and she glared at Kylo who's eyes were fixated on hers, tearing through her soul. She noticed how close he was, the space between them was rather small and it made Rey uncomfortable. She batted away his hand that was so bold to touch her and moved to the side, eyeing the edge of the cliff that she could've fallen down if she was so foolish to step back.

  "Even your precious Han Solo abandoned you! But he got what was coming for him."

Rey lunged at him, her lightsaber posed to strike. "You monster!"

But Kylo easily evaded the attack, stepping to the side, causing her to slip and crash into the snow. "That's it," he taunted. "Use your anger, embrace the darkness."

Rey staggered to her feet. "He was your father, how could you?" There was pain in her words and a hint of sadness that lingered within the building flame.

Kylo could feel it within himself too. He could sense that killing his father, Han Solo, had weakened him so how. It sickened him, angered him to know how weak he still was. "Forget him. It's just us now."

She charged at him again but this time he was ready to fight. Each blow he deflected with ease. They skirmished around the forest, their black and white robes twirling in the wind. It was a ferocious dance, one led by him.

  "Surrender to it," Kylo evoked. "Feel it coarse through your veins."

Rey's strikes became harder the more he taunted her, that even he became fearful of this battle's outcome. Then the tables turned. She was now leading this dance. His head jerked back as he felt her entering his mind.

  "You're weak," she hissed. "Afraid"

Kylo's eyes widened at her comment, leaving him vulnerable to her attack. She stabbed her lightsaber though his arm and a sharp howl escaped his lips. 

He limped back, she pressed forward.

A kick in the torso sent him crashing to his knees and as she loomed over him he knew that death was imminent. "You'll never be as strong as Darth Vader!"

She raised her hands above her head, the flaming blue sword ready to deliver the final blow. But she couldn't do it. Though he was cold and cruel she could see the fear in his eyes, fear of death. 

How ironic. She thought. That he has killed millions but fears death.

Kylo hung his head in shame as if he'd heard her what she said. Did he hear what I said? He looked back up at her and as if acknowledging her question. His brown eyes suddenly seemed full of innocence. She cocked her head in confusion and parted her mouth ready to question him but she was hit by a laser from a stormtrooper's blaster. 

She clutched her torso as she grimaced in pain. Her eyes locked with his. His mouth was agape in shock. They exchanged glances, it seemed like it'd go on for eternity but then she shut her eyes and her body collapsed into the snow.

A platoon of stormtroopers came marching into the forest, the stormtrooper responsible for shooting Rey approached him.

  "Master Ren," he greeted, saluting. "The Death Star is going to explode, we're here to escort you to your ship." 

Kylo  didn't acknowledge him, he just watched Rey in silence. He couldn't fathom why she hesitated, why would she let him live after he had killed the man she saw as a father figure? His own father. It intrigued him. 

But this stormtrooper had almost ruined what plans he had in store for her. His plans to teach her in the ways of the dark side. She had extraordinary power, power she had exhibited when he interrogated her. To have such a force in the First Order would make the resistance cower in fear.

He extended his hand towards him and the stormtrooper clawed at his neck, it was if a crimson rope was being tied around his neck, choking him.

  "You better make it your top propriety that she survives this because if she doesn't-" Kylo turned to face him. "You'll pay with your life." He released the hole and the stormtrooper took of his helmet and gasped for air. "Get her on the ship." Kylo ordered as he used the remained of his strength to stand to his feet.

The platoon of stormtroopers escorted him to his ship with the stormtrooper tasked of taking care of her tailing behind them.

Soon Kylo will have what he wants.

A/N: Should I make another one.... I know its not good since it is my first fanfic but harsh criticism is apperciated. 


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Tue Aug 08, 2017 9:45 pm
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hi there,
I'm not great at reviewing fanfiction but I have an ok knowledge of Star Wars so thought I'd give this one a whirl!

The red and blue sparks flew off their lightsabers and into the snow as they clashed, both trying to get the upper hand over the other.

Missed an F :)

But they were like opposite magnets, they shared the same force and energy as the other.

This shouldn't be a sentence on it's own. It needs to be part of the previous or needs rewording. I like the simile you've used, but to me it suggests they keep getting pulled together, rather than having the same force.

Kylo could tell something had changed.

I feel you could have extended her thoughts before this, make it really show Rey's doubt of the light side.

Soon Kylo will have what he wants.

This line felt out of place to me. I don't know whether it was the sudden shift in tense, but it didn't seem right.

I think Midnight caught most of the things I didn't comment on, but overall I thought this was a really good first attempt. I think you could lengthen it, especially at the beginning. The difficulty with fan fiction is that you assume your reader automatically knows the characters, and you don't need to go into their thoughts and motives. However, when you deviate from the original plot as you have, I think it's even more important, because it may seem OOC for them and we need more reason.

Hope this helped.
Icy




RavenBlack says...


Thanks for the review :-D



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Mon Aug 07, 2017 8:51 pm
Midnightmoon wrote a review...



Hi there! Midnight here for a review.

First off, I don't know much about Fanfic, but I'll do my best. Second, All I really noticed was some typing errors. Sorry, I'm just really picky about those. :).

So, first typing error: "...Had weakened him so how." Might want to change that to "somehow." :).

Second: "..parted her mouth ready to question him..." I would put a comma between "Mouth" and "Ready."

"She parted her mouth, ready to question him..."

"He extended his hand towards him and the stormtrooper clawed at his neck, it was if a crimson rope was being tied around his neck, choking him."

I would make some small changes here, something like this:
"Kylo extended his hand towards the stormtrooper, who clawed at his neck. It felt like a crimson rope was being tied around his neck, choking him."

"He released the hole and the stormtrooper took of his helmet and...."

"Of" should be "Off."

"remained" should be "remainder."
One last thing. In the sentence with the storm trooper, what do you mean by using the word "Hole?"

Was it a typo?
Anyway, sorry it was short and for all the nitpicks. :).




RavenBlack says...


Thanks for the review, I didn't even noticed those typos xD I meant hold :-D



Midnightmoon says...


No problem! :D




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