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Mind Games (Part 2)

by RavenBlack


(standing to her feet)

I have an idea!

LAURAINE stops typing away at her phone as a shocked silence stills the room. Nerves begin to eat at ANDREA but once again she takes another deep breath and continues.

Taking her folder out of her briefcase, she walks to the front of the room. She places the folder on the table.


In 1909, our world changed. The way we perceived art evolved into a movement that would impact our society for years to come.

LAURAINE puts her phone on the table and re-positions herself in her chair.


No longer were we captivated by the Greek sculptures in the Lovure Mueseum, or the lost paintings hung on display at The Prado. We idolised power and technology. We craved something more.

As ANDREA gets more into the presentation, she beings pacing around the room.


And thus began Futurism, an art movement that celebrated the modern world of industry and technology.


Filippo Tommaso Marinetti, the founder of Futurism put it perfectly: We declare a new beauty, the beauty of speed. So let's give our costumers speed.

Returning to the front of the room, ANDREA takes out sketches and pictures of her proposed idea and passes it to her colleagues who all rotated it around the room.

The images consist of modern, futuristic concepts of car models that weren't too over the top but showcased an elegance and maturity to them.

Out of everyone, LAURAINE looked at the images the longest.


Introducing Deus Ex Machina, a fast, hi-tech car that's affordable for any ordinary man or woman. If produced it would be made from carbon and with a horsepower of 500, would give consumers that much of a chance to experience true speed safely.

LAURAINE doesn't move, her eyes are fixated on ANDREA. The room waits in silence for her response. MARIA more impatient for her answer than the rest.


(standing up to leave)


GREGORY stands at the mention of his name.


Yes, ma'am?


Help Andrea with anything she needs to make this a reality.

LAURAINE exits the room and ANDREA takes a breath of relief. The room erupts, MARIA's voice louder than the rest.


You backstabbing bitch!

(getting out of her seat)

I told you to stay quiet!

ANDREA opens her mouth but nothing comes out.


Control yourself, Maria! I will not let you make a fool out of yourself, twice this morning!


Ms Williams has chosen Andrea to be Project Leader, and like it or not - we must abide.

Has GREGORY takes his leave, the rest of his colleagues follow him. Now it's just ANDREA and MARIA left.


I hope you fail. Just so I can enjoy laughing at you, like you laughed at me.

MARIA takes her leave. ANDREA slumps into one of the chair, conflicted.


What have I done?


ANDREA stands in the gangway, hands in her pocket, her briefcase between her legs. Her eyes are fixated on the reflection of herself in the window.


Don't come crying to me when you fall flat your face.


I hope you fail. Just so I can enjoy laughing at you, like you laughed at me.


Ms Williams has chosen Andrea to be Project Leader, and like it or not - we must abide.

Tears stream from ANDREA's eyes as she recalls what she was told.


Are you alright?

(takes out a pack of tissues from his pocket)



(takes a tissue from the pack)

Thank you.

(wipes her eyes)

I'm fine, just had something in my eyes.


You sure?


Yes, but thank you for asking.

They both exchange smiles as the train comes to a halt, arriving at Westminster.

Is this a review?



User avatar
385 Reviews

Points: 4805
Reviews: 385

Mon Jan 07, 2019 4:05 am
Omni wrote a review...

Hey Raven! I’m back to review again!

So, I’m unsure as to why exactly everyone was so surprised when Andrea spoke up. Like, obviously she is usually a mild-tempered person, but this is a session where Lauraine wants people to speak up. So, it’s very surprising, but, like, not surprising enough to quell an entire room. Perhaps there was like, murmuring? But, this is very cliché here. I think you could even go the opposite direction here where Andrea said “I have an idea!” and no one changes anything. Then Lauraine notices her say it a second time, and she focuses her attention on Andrea. That would quiet a room. Because, you have two characters here where one stops the room, but the other would feasibly be the better choice on stopping the room, because well, she’s a show stopper naturally. I feel like it would flow much better that way. Because, if Lauraine piques her interest at Andrea, that would more feasibly give the floor to her than everyone else just stopping when she speaks up.

Andrea gets into a rhythm here, and to be honest I think it’s too sudden. I totally get being enthusiastic about what you’ve been working on, but there should still be nerves in the very beginning. That’s just who Andrea is.

Maria is very cliché here! A good villain would feign being nice to Andrea to steal the idea for themselves! XD but seriously, I do think that it would be better if Maria sidled up to Andrea here, telling her things like “What a wonderful idea” and “I can’t wait for us to work on it together.” And “Whatever Lauraine likes, I love!” because such a 180 would really put anyone sensible on edge. And you could still end with the line of “What have I done” from Andrea, because she knows not to trust this at the very least.

I like the ending! But, I think subtlety would suit you better here, to avoid a lot of clichés, that, unfortunately you’re falling into at the moment. Some clichés are totally fine, but here I think they’re over-used. But, fortunately, they’re easy to fix and change! I gave just a few examples on how to avoid them to make the piece better overall, but it’s really up to you on what you do! There’s so many potential opportunities here for you to choose! Can’t wait to read Part 3 ^^

User avatar
13 Reviews

Points: 100
Reviews: 13

Tue Dec 18, 2018 3:21 pm
sylrie wrote a review...

Once more, extraordinary!

I was anticipating Andrea succeeding (this wouldn't be a story if she failed, after all), but the events after she succeeded are very telling. Maria seems to be a huge threat to Andrea's plan, and already seems to be eroding Andrea's confidence. Even Gregory, who defended Andrea, did so in a way that implied he's not too happy about what was happening.

The only criticism is the "convenient tissues are convenient", thought that might just be because I don't carry a thing of tissues around every. Probably should, to be honest...

Can't wait for the next part!

RavenBlack says...

Thanks for the feedback again, it really helps and once again I'm glad you enjoyed it and were able to interpret what I hid in the lines of the dialogue, it shows it's working xD

You're right about the tissues xD I thought what would happen if people saw someone crying in public? Someone would offer help, so that's why I added it :D

we went from advice to meth real quick
— ShadowVyper