A summer's kiss
Is coral fragrance wrapped
In a shell of emerald
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140,720 Literary Works • 673,677 Reviews
A wonderful and attractive title!
I like poems like this, short and sweet but filled with meanings.
The words 'shell of emerald' is beautiful, it brings in alot of creativity in just three words. Genius!
Like every coin has two sides, there is a little bit of criticism too.
I fail to understand the meaning of the second line, I thought about it and put it in various ways but still couldn't find a proper meaning. It would be nice if you could give in a clue.
Hope that helps!
Keep writing
Thanks krishnathulasi, oh the second line. That's a rose's fragrance.
You are welcome
Wow, this is wonderful! I really love the imagery in this. I can really feel the light beauty of the summer's kiss, it's simply exquisite.
The only thing I noticed was that the lines aren't 5-7-5, or at least not in the way that I read them. Maybe it's not meant to be a haiku? I read the first line as 4 syllables, the second line as 7, and the last one as 7.
Either way, this was just a joy to read. Thank you so much for writing!
No, thank you for taking time to read this.
This is a very beautiful haiku!! It's not every day that one comes across someone with a talent for haiku like this!
However, I'm not so sure what you're trying to achieve with a "fragrance" of coral and a "shell of emerald". If you would be so kind as to clue me in, otherwise you should consider possibly changing your metaphor.
Thank you, I will take this into consideration.
Wow, this is really good!
Keep it up!
I personally love haikus, as they are short and sweet and hold a lot of meaning and thought behind them, so great job.
I personally think you've done a good job here, the words to me seem to fit just right, and I particularly like the words "Wrapped" and "emerald" and "fragrance" heck, I could do all the words.
Very nicely written and apologies that I have no constructive criticism, I just can't find anything...
For your second poem, (as you said [ FRAMED ] was your first, excellent by the way.) this is fabulous!
-CFG
Thanks, xD.
Hi, Ravaien!
Hmm. First of all, I should say, it is a little short. Maybe, you could add some more words?
Is coral fragrance wrapped
This part doesn't make sense, just a little. 'Coral fragrance' means coral 'sweet smell'. Coral's sweet smell, or smelling sweetly like coral?
I think that corals smell like sea breezes, not sweet.. but in poems, it depends.
I like the part, in a shell of emerald. That just.. drags me in. A shell of emerald.
Good job, though, and keep writing on!
Thank you so much.
You are welcome! Oh, by the way, ignore the part where I said that it was too short, sorry. Didn't know it was a haiku, which was just plain stupid of me. Again ; I apologise.
No need to apologize, everyone makes mistakes. Happy new year!