Valentines Chapter 1 part 1

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Soo...this was a decent enough piece here. I feel like the ending could do with some work, but for the most part, you present a nice introductory scene here and it works fairly well as a start to a story and I'm gonna guess the ending is also not quite meant to be considering this is part one of chapter one and not the full chapter.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The rain fell and the wind rustled. It was February 7th, a week before Valentines day, and the kids were just fine.

“Issy!” Milo called from his crib at the other end of the shed.

“Yes Milo?” Isabel asked, walking up to her baby brother’s crib and picking him up.

Before Milo could answer Isabel’s younger brother, Skyler, who was only fourteen opened the small wooden door to the shed just big enough to fit a small child. He set the two buckets of milk on the table and wiped him dirty hands on an old pair of pants our father had given him.

Okayy...this seems to be a fairly sedate opening so far. Things are just kind of chugging along rather quietly here to start off with and we've got a nice little bit of description as well there to quietly set the scene. Not the most attention grabbing of starts, but it certainly works.

Isabel sat down with baby Milo and bounced him on her lap trying to get him to go back to bed, when it didn’t work Isabel just put him on the ground to play with his few toys.

“Hey, be quiet down there I’m trying to read.” Our youngest sister Tabitha called, holding a dirty old copy of one of her favorite books Anne of Green Gables.

“Sorry, but maybe you should come down and help us.” Isabel called up to the top of the bunk bed where Tabitha was seated.

“Ah, don’t worry about it you guys got it.”

Tabby was only six, but she could be a snobby brat at times.

Hmm, well we're slowly getting introduced to a neat little family here. The interaction on display here is pretty nice to start with I think. You also do a pretty good job in general with the dialogue there and establishing a bit of a family dynamic.

“I’m going into town to get some food.” Isabel started getting up. “Skyler, watch the kids?” She finished as she took off her apron and put on her flip flops.

“Sure thing.” Skyler answered, but that was soon drowned out by the sound of Tabitha yelling from the bunk bed.

“Hey! I’m not a kid I’m a teenager.” She yelled with her loud squeaky voice.

They both rolled they’re eyes. “Your six Tab, not thirteen.” Isabel called as she opened the front door and closed it behind her with a small thump.

Hmm...well that is certainly a rather high sass level to be having as a six year old. I have a feeling this is perhaps going to be one of the more enjoyable characters in this particular piece with how things are going at the moment here.

“Whatever.” Tabitha said under her breath as she went back to her reading.

Isabel walked up the narrow dirt pathway that lead into town, with a basket in her arms, walking slowly and steadily.

When she got to the local market ten minutes later she went straight to the cherry tomatoes, her favorite fruit.

“Opps, sorry.” Isabel said to a young boy she accidently bumped into.

Isabel knelt down to pick up the tomatoes that fell out of her basket when she soon realized the boy was helping her too.

Okayy...well this ending isn't the greatest there. I feel like you probably should make more of a well..end here. This one just sort of abruptly cuts off in the middle of a scene here...otherwise this scene itself here isn't a bad one as far as what we see happen is concerned.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think we're off to a pretty solid start on this one here. Besides that ending that I assume is a byproduct of the chapter being split up, this is starting off quite well here as a chapter.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry