Young Writers Society

Hey Rainbow!
I'm here to give ya a review!

So, i'd like to start that I believe you have a very strong idea with your poem, but I have a sense of lacking to support the theme. With reading the title, I automatically gain this idea in my head of where the poem could possibly go, whether it goes there or not is not up to me. I would suggest to have a title that makes the reader find out what you're talking about and not just give it out there. The same goes with the second line,

For the line between Heaven and Hell

'Cuz there is no line you can cross

You can't cross no matter how hard you try

So I decided to just write about it

'Cuz I bought my boat on Earth

And I bought my boat on Hell...

Hello RainbowPowerPonies!
It's MergSword today with a review for you!

I really liked this poem. I think it was totally creative and original. As I read the title, I immediately thought, If hell is down, and heaven is up, is the surface of the earth that line.
Then I read this

I never knew I was standing

Right on the line every time

I'm not sure if you meant quite what I thought though. But hey, it was the first thing that popped into my head.

Although, the ending confused me really. You said you brought your boat to hell. You should have mentioned heaven too. You also said you couldn't find heaven. Then how did you find hell? I just think these parts are a bit challenging to comprehend.

I didn't quite find a rhythm to it, and I think it would be better off as a poem.

So yeah, I liked this poem a lot, but I think it could've been poetry and was slightly hard to comprehend,

~MergSword

Hi Rainbow!

So far, I think you have a really good start with this. Did you have a tune already in mind or written for this? It certainly felt lyrical when I was reading i, and I'm very interested what the music would actually sound like.

I think the metaphor of a boat, and of heaven and hell, is a very interesting one, but I don't think you do as much as you could with it. I'm intrigued by it, certainly, but other than that I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to feel. I don't know how much you know about Greek mythology, but it made me think of the ferry that newly dead souls have to take across the River Styx into the Underworld. That seems a little more specific than what you're trying to accomplish, but I like the allusion.

I don't know if I necessarily had any specific comments on the lyrics themselves, because I don't know what the music is actually supposed to sound like. What you have is good, but there could be more.

Good luck! Let me know if you have any questions.

Best,
Elinor