Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.
Krystal opened her eyes after a long rest and yawned she and Drago had had a long day before.
Drago dropped down from the celing with a cup of coffee and gave it to Krystal.
"Thanks bro, long day yesterday." Krystal said after she placed the coffee on her bedside table and moved slowly to the bathroom leaving her coffee behind by accident to tired to care.
Drago picked up the coffee and put it on the kitchen table.
Krystal opened the bathroom door and stepped into the dark room, she reached for the light switch in the silence and darkness of the lonely chamber she had just entered.
Drago meanwhile played video games tiredly after their long trip they were both exausted.
Once the light was on Krystal moved to the short counter, her back sagging and her emerald green shimmering eyes dull without their usual shine.
Drago had stopped her games and started her Christmas Caroling practice for the winter, the last day of November was upon the two.
Krystal looked into the mirror and her eyes opened as wide as the last night when she strugled to stay awake and finish her and Drago's previous task. "I'm hideous!" She rushed over to her brush and eyeliner, she applied the makeup and began to brush her matted messy hair. It was always so hard to maintain.
Drago hearing Krystal scream ran to the door sword in hand ready to pounce on an enemy.
Krystal sensed her sister at the door and had heard the clanging of metal outside the bathroom as her sister applied armor and fetched her battering ram. "I'm fine, I'm fine put your weapons away!" She exclaimed as she washed off the eyeliner and added chapstick to her extremely chapped lips.
Krystal was too late Drago had knocked the door down almost knocked the small marble counter over.
"Damnit! Now we have to go buy a NEW door! This is the 4th time this week I've had to go to the store! All the employies know me now!" Krystal shrieked angry and tired, "your lucky I didn't get hurt I mean-"
"but you didn't get hurt did you?" Drago cut in, in a smart ass tone. "Now shut up and lets go to the store buy ANOTHER fucking door." She added walking from the doorway to the coat hanger to get her scarf.
"Oh no, I'm going. You are NOT going to that store in a mother fucking suit of armor!" Krystal yelled after her sister as she ran to and blocked the door with her body.
Drago effortlessly (but with a small efort to be a total and utter bitch) phased through the door after shoving Krystal to the side.
"DRAGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Krystal screamed after her sister, she knew that she would never catch up to Drago on foot so she teleported to the shop, bought the door and teleported home again. It would be installed the next day.
"No fair!" Drago screamed when she got home, "you cheated!"
"Well maybe if you hadn't been wearing a fucking suit of amor I might have not cared as much!" Krystal fought back.
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139,355 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hey!
The story above seemed interesting. I couldn't understand much as I've not read the previous entries. But i got the idea of teleporting and those girls being special. I found an error where you used "to" instead of "too" and guess one spelling error. Otherwise, it was a good read. All the best!
"Krystal looked into the mirror and her eyes opened as wide as the last night when she strugled to stay awake and finish her and Drago's previous task. "I'm hideous!" She rushed over to her brush and eyeliner, she applied the makeup and began to brush her matted messy hair. It was always so hard to maintain."
I've lost count of what number this review is, but oh well.
How you could improve this paragraph.
"Krystal looked into mirror. Her eyes opened as wide as they had the night before, when she struggled to stay awake in order to finish her and Drago' s previous task.... ( everything else is fine)"
I noticed, on the second line of this paragraph, it doesn't seem to make much sense, as you've tried to fit too much in to one sentence.
This makes it hard for the reader to make sense of what is going on. Try and break up the sentence into smaller parts.
You've also spelled struggled with only one 'g'. An easy fix.
"...accident to tired to care."
It should be,
"... accident too tired to care." Something easy to fix.
"Krystal was too late Drago had knocked the door down almost knocked the small marble counter over." You could break this sentence up, like this, for example,
"Krystal was too late. Drago had knocked the door down, almost knocking the small marble counter over."
Try and use a different word to knocked, as this is being repetitive and boring for the reader to read.
Also parts of this sentence doesn't make much sense, try and improve it.
I hope this wasn't too harsh and that it helped in some ways.
From LLZ