z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Move with the Beat! Be Free!

by RachelLescano


DANCE

Unique, Fantastic

Moving, Swaying, Grooving

An expression of one's self

Rhythm


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10 Reviews


Points: 998
Reviews: 10

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Sun Nov 24, 2013 7:34 am
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WolfyAlex wrote a review...



Hello, I love when poems are written this way simple and short. I can't remember what they are called but I wrote a bunch of them for school a few years ago. I can feel the energy and excitement in your words and its awesome. In my opinion it explains what a dance is quite nicely. Great poem. Keep writing! ^-^




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171 Reviews


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Fri Nov 22, 2013 8:35 pm
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SecreteJournalist wrote a review...



Hey, SecreteJournalist here to review(: I have written cinqain poems before, they are pretty tough. I like the idea, but now brace yourself.. I'm gonna get harsh!

I'm going to review line by line

DANCE

I know this is the title/first line, but it doesn't need to be capitalized. Also, have you heard of cinquain poems with syllables? They are very common. Maybe bold this line and add dancing, since the first and last line as supposed to be one word, two syllables? If you don't want to use syllables, it's fine(: Still, great work

Unique, Fantastic

A typical cinquain poem has 4 syllables the next line. I do like the idea of these two words, but the fun thing about a short poem, is that you are allowed to use bigger words! Maybe try replacing fantastic?

Moving, Swaying, Grooving

This line, to me, was perfect. I like the way I can visual the dancer moving and shaving and grooving across the dance floor

An expression of one's self

This is supposed to only be four words, and if you like my syllable suggestion, 8 syllables. A lot harder to do, but it's cool if one can manage it,. I understand it's pretty hard!

Rhythm

This line, was also perfect(:

I really enjoyed this, and though I realize there are differnt types of cinquain, I apologize if you dislike my suggestion on the one I'm used to! Still, great work with perfect imagery (: keep writing! You're rather good

Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie




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10 Reviews


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Fri Nov 22, 2013 7:59 pm
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RavenLords wrote a review...



Hello RachelLescano,

As anyone could tell this is a very short but descriptive poem. I believe this is a Cinquain, but I'm not sure. The words you use are descriptive to dancing but personally I think the topic is an optional one, anyone could say something different about it. Other than that is is a real nice, sweet, and crisp poem.

I hope you will make more soon,
RavenLords





The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
— Helen Keller