Laura,
For the first time I am speechless when it comes to write you a letter. I do not know what to do in these moments, and I do not know what to say, especially to you, the person to whom I certainly own an explanation, an apology and as much love as I shall never get the chance to give you.
Laura, I am dying. I thought the irony would save me, someone who was so unwilling and reluctant to participate in this war, but it turns out that bullets fly and hit all men alike. I would have rather to be a coward. Cowards live, and too late I realize I did not have to fight for the honor or for my motherland if I had you. But, instead, I battled, and I lost. I do not remember how did I get to this bed, I only remember a doctor telling me that I would never get up from it. He also said that “never” is a very short time. A few days. I am dying, Laura; I am dying, and I am scared, and I don’t know what to say, what to write.
There is nothing left to do. Maybe the nation will remember me as a hero, but I ask you to remember me as what I really am: yours, always. From the nation you shall receive a flag, maybe, and condolences. They are not as sorry for me as I am sorry for all this, for the tear that nonsense takes from our eyes, for the cruelty of death, for how much I want to play with your hair right now. They are not as sorry as I am, but they are the ones who will be there. I won’t.
From me you will get this ring, our ring. I send it not as a reminder, neither as a promise. It is just my last token of love and affection, my last attempt to touch you, to cross a breach from which there is no coming back, and to tell you how good it felt and it feels to be at your side. Receive from me this ring… and a kiss. A big kiss.
Your lover and beloved,
Ernesto.
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Rod~
-"I do not know what to do in these moments, and I do not know what to say, especially to you, the person to whom I certainly own an explanation, an apology and as much love as I shall never get the chance to give you."-
I love the intensity of what is being said, however this sentence is run-on and I would advise cutting it down a bit. An example of how this could be done is: 'I do not know what to do in these moments, and I do not know what to say, especially to you. I certainly *owe* you an explanation, an apology, and as much love as I shall never get the chance to give you.'
-"..but it turns out that bullets fly and hit all men alike."-
I adore this metaphor and the irony displayed and the beginning of this sentence. It makes the weight of the main point truly hit home, much like the bullet portrayed.
-"I would have rather to be a coward."-
It seems as if something is amiss in this sentence, and possibly requires a reword. I would suggest the following: 'I would rather have been a coward,' or, 'I would rather be marked a coward.'
-"I do not remember how did I get to this bed..."
I would consider rewording this to something like: 'I do not remember how I got to this bed.' However, I really like the repetition used in what follows in this compound sentence.
When the narrator pointed out that the doctor referred to "never" as "a very short time, a few days," what was being implied didn't really click until the beginning of the next paragraph, which is the beauty of true writing. A statement of the obvious is rarely necessary, and you carried out this principle with grace.
Overall, the piece is quite touching, and provides an interesting twist to what a typical character would normally receive as a telegram.
This is very nice. It is different from the usual love letter from a soldier. You are able to make this one unique. Instead of this being a sappy love letter, it seemed as though the soldier was a friend as well as a love for Laura. The content felt real, genuine. My favorite part of the entire piece is when he said that the ring is "my last attempt to touch you". Good job.
That's odd, for I thought it was too... fictitious. Haha! Anyway, I'm glad you have enjoyed the story.
Wow. Tears welled up. What an amazing piece of writing that flows with all the sweetness of the purest love.A tragic letter that ends with an everlasting token.Congratulations.
Thanks. I'm glad you have enjoyed it.
You know now that I am thinking about it, if you were good at writing poems this would be a very nice poem. Although your essay has good flow to it, i would almost say as a poem it would have better flow, but that is only my point of veiw.
As an essay it was very good. It had meaning, purpose, and you sounded like you knew what you were talkling about.
Keep writing!!! Hawinay
Well, the thing is that it's not an essay; it's a letter, and it should work as some sort of epistolary short story. It should be read as fiction, as a fictional character saying farewell to his beloved through this letter. Still, I'm glad you have enjoyed it.