Published September 27, 2026
In KOTLC
Sophie’s POV
(Sophie just found out that the neverseen created her. The black swan had taken her in and lied to her saying she was THEIR moonlark. BTW She just graduated.)
I can’t believe it. I thought I was good. It’s been like 6 years of lies. I know my bio mom is Oralie and my bio dad is blur. So many lies but this is… “WHY!!!” I scream and Sandor, Grady, and Edaline come rushing in.
“Why what? Are you hurt?” Sandor says in his squeaky voice. I forgot that I hadn’t told them. Oh well. Why keep secrets?
”I’m.. not the black swan’s moonlark.” I decide to just blurt it all out there. “I’m a villain. I was made to destroy and the black swan… is a huge liar and are running this game.” Once I start I can’t stop. I’m telling them everything that has happened over the last 24 hours. When I finish I finally look at them. They don’t look mad or scared of me like I thought, they look….Like they knew it.
”You….You knew!?” I scream unexpectedly. “No sorry. It’s been a day.”
Edaline sits down next to me on my huge canopy bed and takes my hands waiting for me to look at her.
”We DID NOT know but… the black swan has been, well different. Disconnected. I think we all suspected that something was up.” She looks at Grady and then back at me.
”I think we need to wait before we tell her.” Sandor interrupts when Edaline opens her mouth. “Sophie looks like she needs a little sleep.”
Hahahaha! I you on a cliffhanger. Wait until next time!!!
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141,555 Literary Works • 674,948 Reviews
this was a fun chapter but I am confused a bit because I don't know what happened before and it does feel like a chapter already a part way through a book. Sophie has an excitable personality and way of speaking that I find good since it is compelling and a right fit for young adult audiences. I don't know what the never seen or the black swan is, so I don't completely understand everything in the story at this moment but it appears that the circumstances around Sophie's upbringing were a lie and she has just found a truth. This is a good plot for a YA story. I think if you worked a bit on the pacing and explained or had more scenes from the past of the plot, it would be a good opening chapter
Hi there! Welcome to YWS!
Is this the first chapter? I definitely feel a little lost! The plot is very interesting but it seems like I am missing so much. Who is the main character? What does she look like? Where is she in this scene? We're missing a lot of sensory details that could help us picture the scene. I also think there's a lot more that could be explained, because we're dropped right into a crucial moment, but we don't have any context on the buildup! If there are other chapters, I'd love to read them to figure out what is happening!
I think Sophie seems like a cool character, and the idea that she's found out this huge secret is a very cool plot point. The friends seem like they could be great additions if we got to know them a bit better! And the cliffhanger definitely hooked me; I need to read more!
Some observations whilst reading:
ooh okay, we're being thrown straight in. I feel like that may have been the better place to start so we could have the world and situation built up for us a bit more?
Is the dad called Blur? Or is she saying, my dad is a blur ( as in she doesn't remember him ) if it's his name, it needs a capital!
New speech should go on a new line!
that 'are' in bold should be 'is'
I wish we got to know what she said instead of skipping over it; since we are thrown into this story with not much context, we don't have much to go off!