Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
(An homage to my old friend @Willard ,
aka StrangeLove, aka Strange, aka DrStrangeLove)
Closed the doors cuz my clothes
Ain’t vibin enough
Cargo shorts and
“I love miners” tee
Hanging to my knees.
.
Snuck in, got it tucked
Bouncer bought a Benji
First thing I see
Is that pretty little thang
Booty so big it hang.
.
Twurkin with your Birkin
Riding on your shoulder
Like your men older
Call ‘em sugar daddy
You a little baddie.
.
Walk in with my birkenstocks
Watch you pop, drop and lock
Wait…ain’t you jail bait
Only seventeen
But got booty like a fiend.
.
Twurkin, twurkin,
Imma be lurkin’.
Say your name was Amy
I say Gucci to me.
.
Betty boop, got the stoop
When you bounce
Makes me trounce.
Buy you a drink?
Anything for a wink.
.
Grind on me, little thang
Got that loosey goosey juicy
Prada heels you ain’t bought
That’s what I thot
Nearly naked, but still too hot.
.
I got a Motel 6 fixed
Right down the street.
Let’s walk those pretty feet
Curves like Nicki
Lookin’ like a felony.
.
Baby got no maybes.
Roll out the Carpe Diem,
Franklins frozen in the snow
Not the type to blow?
That’s fine I’ll do all mine.
.
Twurkin, twurkin,
Imma be lurkin’.
Say your name was Amy
I say Gucci to me.
.
Knock at the door,
Probs the po-po.
Well shit….
Tricky bitch.
Worth it!
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139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Hello! Ley here to write a short (yet hopefully helpful?) review on this piece!
As a fan of rap music (not all of them, I assure you), I definitely read this as a rap song. As for the content, I found myself chuckling and looked at it as mostly satire, but I also think it read like dialogue. As if the narrator was speaking to someone in particular, it came off as a comical piece to me!
I enjoyed the rhyme scheme here, especially the rhyming itself. These lines:
I giggled here ^ mostly because I love Nicki Minaj and I absolutely loved to see a reference to her in this piece! It was right on theme, especially with the whole 'curves' idea. Very clever addition!
The rhyming here was awesome, too:
This read very smoothly, and the rhyming was absolutely seamless. The first line, "Betty boop, got the stoop" was comical yet added more vibes to this piece. Lovely job!
I hope this review is helpful!
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
This piece seems to be a parody (at least, I'm assuming) of rap songs, particularly the kinds of people who write those kinds of rap songs and their interest in underage girls. (It honestly reminded me of the Kendrick/Drake beef, even though this was written well before that-- definitely giving "A minorrrrr" vibes!)
I thought a lot of the rhymes were clever in this piece, which really made it seem like that kind of song. A lot of the lines made me squirm, too, which I suppose was the goal with a kind of piece like this! For example, I loved the soundplay in the line "ain't you jail bait," even though the actual meaning itself feels iffy to me. Same with the "I love miners" tee; it's a great pun, fits right in place with the song, and it makes me hate how clever and awful it is at the same time.
I have to say that I thought compared to the rest of the piece, your chorus was lacking, and it felt so unfortunate since that's the part you repeat. I thought "Amy" and "to me" was one of the weaker rhymes and didn't fit with the rest of them. I'm curious if you intended it as a tool of the satire to ridicule your speaker who likes younger girls, but in that case, since the rest of it was fairly clever, it didn't make sense to me why you would change that up for the chorus. Just something to consider if you ever revisit the piece!
Overall, I think this was a very effective satire piece. It made me feel uncomfortable with how much I enjoyed it, and it seems to me it was written with that sort of "love to hate on it" intention. I hope to read more of your work soon! Until next time!
skull
@Willard imma leave this here.......