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This is heavy. I would love to hear a recording.

Hello there, LGF here for a quick review!

I know quite a bit about poetry slams and the type of poem that goes in and how to maximize your poem to be in spoken word form. This piece was brilliant in the sense that it just rolled off your tongue, each sentence you could imagine being spoken.

I really fell in love with this when you wrote;

Suspended inches from the floor,

Suspended miles over the world,

Suspended from school 7 times,

Don't ask.

It's hard to find the words for things like that in your poetry. It just clicked, every element coming together and you wrote it so cleverly that the repetition worked wonders for the piece.

Overall I think the poem would be even better spoken out loud because you can tell the words are just waiting to jump off the page and really be expressed. I loved the imagery and repetition you used, as well as some powerful themes.

My favorite lines:

Imprisoned in the boxes we were told to think out of by gaolers made of the rains we create ourselves

Flayed endlessly in our search for sorry

Keep up the good work;

LGF

There were so many grammatical errors in the first paragraph that I stopped caring altogether, which, in retrospect, probably set me up to enjoy the poem much more than I might have if I were stuck searching for consistent grammar... but even still, it would be handy to fix some of those up.

You have to understand, if there was a poet in this world who loved following little to no grammatical rules when writing most, it would be me. But the key to making that work is to, at the very least, be consistent. So if you're not going to punctuate anything, or capitalize anything, or only use end punctuation but no commas, or whatever, that's totally fine and cool and actually really awesome, but use it as a device and not just out of laziness; meaning don't flip flop between perfect and choppy grammar, because that just doesn't look very nice. Be consistent. That's all I can really say.

When it comes to the actual content of this poem, though.... wow. To be honest, I wasn't sure where it was going at first, or if I liked it or not, but then I got to the "suspended from school 7 times, don't ask" bit and I kind of fell a little bit in love. Not all the way in. Maybe just dipped my toes in, splashed my feet around. But definitely in. I could recognize my own stream of consciousness in the writing, could see the reflection of my own late nights in that metaphorical pool of love water I was just talking about. The words tie together in ways that, if intentional, make you a genius, or, if unintentional, must be divine intervention.

That's all I can really say.

Hello there!

That was a little random, but I enjoyed myself. You have a real free flow about your writing, it kind of entranced me for a bit. I was stuck trying to figure out how on earth you're writing so randomly and yet making every word fit so perfectly with the next.
There's just a thing, or maybe two, that I would like to mention.

Because YWS is 13+ online family, you need to rate your work accordingly. I would, personally, rate this piece 18+ for the F-bomb that was in the middle there. It's just really good to let people know what they're getting into when you have things that not everyone would find pleasant.

The other thing I wanted to say ( which is a stylistic preference ) would be about the no periods - nonstop sentence - thing. I know, I know, this is a poem so it's OK to do that, and break all the rules of grammar and everything.... BUT I don't know if I like it. Maybe I do like it... I'm not sure. I just thought you might want to know, because it could be something that other people might dislike as well. Am I making sense? Probably not.

Anyway, I liked this a lot. Keep it up!!!

-Socks

This was pretty cool! There are just a few things that I want to mention. You've got a few gramatical issues that I figured I would point out since I cant find a single other thing wrong with your work... great job!!

So in the beginning of your lines, you need to capitalize. You've got one or two instances where you forgot to do this. Aside from that, some of your sentences need punctuation, like your last once. You forgot the period at the very last line. XD
And continuing on the last line, maybe "sorrow" Would fit better than sorry? XD.
Well, great job! This was a cool poem.