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by QuoolQuo


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89 Reviews


Points: 391
Reviews: 89

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Sat Mar 13, 2021 10:50 pm
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mordax wrote a review...



Wow. That's it. That's the review. Wow.

This story was devastatingly beautiful. I love the way you incorporate this panic and endless ache of grief through the "in and out" portion. This constant attempt to calm herself and gather peace that seems impossible to reach.

The flashback was also a beautiful portion. I love the line: "The sea always returns to the shore". Beautiful.

Another one of my favorite lines:

Now, glaring at the broken chain of waves, the sea was still here though her mother was not.

I love this line so much. This grief and this association with things we love with things we've lost.

What I also love so much about this story is that she doesn't despise the ocean for associating it with her mother. Instead, she sees the ugliness it offers and understands this balance in life of beauty and pain. It's such an important balance and also shows the stage of grief she is in. There is no anger in this story, only pain, loss, and also a hint of hope and you conveyed that beautifully.

Well, I realize there are no critiques in this review, and that is because I have nothing to critique on. Wonderful writing!

mordax




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1252 Reviews


Points: 3698
Reviews: 1252

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Sat Mar 13, 2021 4:54 pm
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Elinor wrote a review...



Hey QuoolQuo!

My name is Elinor, and I thought I would drop by to give your short story a quick review. I also wanted to thank you for sharing because I really enjoyed reading it. Also, if you need anything or have any questions about the site, feel free to ask anyone in light or dark green.

Firstly, I wanted to say that I loved your descriptions and world building; I really felt like I was right on the beach with Mali. I know you said in the description for this story that this is something, "you could meditate to". I'm curious about that because it did seem like there was maybe some kind of trauma that Mali had been through in the past, and that being on the beach centered her. But maybe that was me, as a reader, assigning a meaning to it. As I'm sure you know, stories need conflict. I like your writing, but this does feel like a piece of something rather than a complete whole.

Other than that, I think that's all I've got. Keep writing! Can't wait to see what you do next, whether it's revisiting this story or working on something new.

All the best,
Elinor





I didn't want to slow time, I just wanted to make a little rock.
— MomoMajesty's brother