Young Writers Society

I like this piece. I love the way you have centered it and the personification is brilliant. I also like the rhymes. I think you did those very well.
The last verse, however, sounds a bit gloomy. “Lightning floods the storm-ridden sky,” sounds very sad, almost like a complaint. The rest of the poem is joyful and happy, so it seems out of place. I also think that the last line doesn’t quite flow. The rest of the piece sounds almost like a song whereas the last line sounds boring. I do like it but it doesn’t really flow.
The rest of the poem really flows, and I love it! Well done on a brilliant piece. Go you!

Shaniac here to review this poem!

Right off the bat, just through one quick read, there is a lot of descriptions happening. Imagery is pouring out of the words and into the minds of whoever is reading this, and it paints a nice little picture. I really like the personification of the rainy weather that you have described as well as some of the word choices such as "garnished with a clap of thunder let loose to fly". That really does bring out a certain tone throughout this piece.
Along with the imagery, this poem also rhymes. I find rhyming poems are kind of like nursery rhymes and like I said before, paint an image for a reader or something.

Besides this, I do have a small thing to suggest. In "lightning floods the storm-ridden sky", while this does sound very gloomy, I think it would be better if you just describe the clouds. How did they move? What color were they? That way when someone else reads it, they will be able to think of it. Because storm-ridden clouds could mean anything to someone. Similarly, "pouring from the leaden clouds of grey" could be reworded to "pouring from lead-colored clouds".

Also, you only mention water as a person only in the beginning. Usually with personification, at least from what I've learned in my English classes, is that you should continue to show that personification throughout the piece. So, you could explain how she moves or how she causes the thunder to happen. You want to create a sort of story with what the water is doing.

To cap, I really do like this piece. There is just the right amount of imagery that creates a watery scene. I do think you could mention the water bit as a "her" more often and maybe even expand onto the aftermath of the storm? Have a good day/night and if you have any questions, let me know!

I really like this! I love how you represent the sound of raindrops as water's fingers. Really cool.