I wrote this for a math class. Yeah, poems for math. But it's because the date is soon to be 3/14, hence Pi(3.14). So it Pi Sunday or Saturday. We are suppose to write a poem with 14 lines and has a certain amount of words determined by the first 14 numbers of Pi. And they are: 3.1415926535897. So here is my draft poem. I'm not sure if I'll keep or not, but I might because I do like it. Oh, and a warning: I'm not good at poetry. Well, if you compare it to everyone else on this site. X3
_________________________________________________________________________________________
I can't seem
To
Catch myself/ As much
As
I try/My body falls/
My soul slips through my fingers/ I watch as
It Flails/
Arms reaching heavenwards/ My eyes are
Wide/ With the fear of
Losing myself/ My
Mind is racing with questions/
But out of all them that stream by/
One question sticks out the most/ The one that's
needing answer/ Who will I be now?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hey, there! Mizz is meh name. Don't wear it out. Just kidding. On to the review...now:
This is such a cool assignment! I wish we did this in my math class! But, no, we sit around obeying orders of not using calculators. Harsh world we live in.
You did a great job with this. It's very hard when you have a limited assignment for the poem, I know. But I think Silented is right when he says that the one lined lines are off a bit. It messes with the structure.
However, you pulled this off nicely.
-Mizz
Hi there! Bond here to review your lovely poem!
First off that is an awesome assignment, and you did a great job with it. Seeing as you had a limited number of words you could use per line, it really does limit the imagery and such things you can use in a poem. But considering that, you did an awesome job. The ending I think is very powerful.
Keep writing.
~Hope
Haha!! Compare it to everyone else on this site? No need to let some pride in your way, miss, You're perfectly fine with poetry. Trust me.
One thing, I don't like is that some lines have only 1 words, which can be seen as bad srtucture, since they give no emphathesis or anything else to the poem. Sooo You may want to clear that up.
Another thing, frails? Is it a verb? If not and you're purposely using it like that, want to give a little side note to what it means/how it's used and what not. Because otherwise I think you may mean the word, FLAILS. Not frails.
Other than that, you are good. No major mistakes, I'd just ask for a little more imagry, but that will develope over time. So good job!
Good luck, keep writing.
Silented1.