This isn't one of my best, but I just started making a poem about the events in both the book and movie of Alice in Wonderland. I don't mind crits, but just remember, this was just written down as a quick jolt to do something. But you can get serious if you want. It'll probably make it better. Thanks!
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Chains on your hands
Chains on your feet
You walk to the post
Feeling the Dread that you felt
When she said "Off with your head!"
You get to your knees
Head down low
The executor's heart-shaped blade
Your mightiest, unbeatable foe
Before it can strike
And the Queen's will complete
You think of you adventures
In this strange, wondrous place
You followed the Rabbit
Followed it down
The Rabbit's Hole
Miles and miles underground
The Key was for one
So you drunk it up
Before you realized your mistake
And ate the cake
It is the garden
Where the smoke turned blue
The telling of a game
Of a Jabberwocky you must slay
You followed the forest a-foot
Where you meet the Grin
Inviting you to tea
With the Mad and the March
A table set for many
Gibberish spoken
A raven for a writing desk
Ah! These riddles without answer
Invited to a game
With Red and her subjects
Flamingos and Hedgehogs
Now we're playing ball!
It is White, you meet
A Champion she shall have
A battle of Chess
With more blood shed
It's the Battle of a monster
The Battle of many
You take you sword
Clang! Crash! Against nails and teeth
One slash and it's over
The head is gone
You're feeling Wonderful
It'll you realize what is done
No one is a winner
Though the Queen will have one
A head and it's over
And the blade's coming down fast
Before the hit
Your eyes are open
The dream is over
And you're back by the river
Though you think it through
Of the event that unfolded
"It's a Wonderland" you call it
At least, so you thought it.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,831 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Your rhyming scheme puzzles me. There is no real set ABABA Pattern or however you want it on any of these stanzas.Right here for example it would have been just fine, but you overloaded the last sentence with an adjective.
If you take out unbeatable it works just fine. I don't really know what you were going for though and it might just be personal preference, but the sudden rhyming and then lack from there on kind of bugged me. I kept reading through expecting each paragraph to end with a rhyme but there wasn't any.