z

Young Writers Society



How Was Your Day? - Chapter 31.1

by Que


Despite the fact that the dean had given Finnley a detention rather than Jacob, the kid who had been so cruel about Mia in the hall, the whispers around school had died down — or, at the very least, gotten a little quieter. Of course, he did still have to go to detention.

Slyvie sat in the opposite corner of the room, with a small cluster of kids who looked as if they had given up on life. Finnley looked to her for support, but she didn’t meet his gaze. If he hadn’t been looking so closely, he wouldn’t have seen the tiny, almost apologetic shrug. Great. Like that did a lot of good.

Still, the after-school punishment was more tedious than anything else. It made Finnley restless, but every time he shifted in his seat, the ancient desk let out a pitiful squeak of protest that sounded loudly in the quiet of the room. When one of his fingers cracked, the few people in the room turned to look in his direction, and he winced in awkward embarrassment. It was absolutely unbearable.

As soon as the teacher — who had looked just as restless as Finnley felt — dismissed them, Finnley rushed out of the room, out of the school, just so that he could breathe normally. It was as if he had been holding his breath, clenching all of his muscles. Now, released, he felt happy until he remembered that he still had to meet with Dr. Lark. As he stepped outside, it was as if the very sun seemed dimmer.

He did not want to meet with a therapist. Especially not that therapist. Still, it would be worth it if he could answer her questions to his mother’s satisfaction and go back to doing magic. It was a significant ‘if’. But Finnley had some papers in his backpack, a scattering of perfectly culled memories of Allie. Dr. Lark wouldn’t mind him reading off the papers because, after all, she had encouraged him to write things down in the first place.

Finnley had called her that morning and agreed to meet in her hotel room. He didn’t want her invading his home again, nor did he want to meet her in some public location. Specific and carefully written out as these memories of Allie were, they were still very close to his heart. He didn’t want anyone else to overhear. Heck, he didn’t even want Dr. Lark to hear, but he didn’t have much of a choice on that count.

His mother, pleased to see that he was actually planning on visiting the therapist, had printed instructions to Dr. Lark’s hotel from Google maps. Finnley barely looked at the instructions; it was a small town and the few hotels were all clumped together near the center of it.

The therapist was staying in the nicest of the three, a four-story building with a pastel pink and yellow awning over its door. Finnley didn’t realize that it was chilly outside until he tugged the door open and was assaulted with a blast of heat from the interior of the building.

The woman at the front desk looked up as if to inquire something, and Finnley realized suddenly that he would have to explain his meeting and try to get her to call up to Dr. Lark’s room. The thought didn’t fill him with much joy. He didn’t like the idea of dealing with some random hotel manager and explaining his situation.

At that very moment, however, the elevator dinged and Dr. Lark stepped out. Finnley didn’t know whether he was relieved that she had saved him from dealing with the hotel manager or disappointed that he would have to talk with Dr. Lark so soon. Settling into his natural dislike of the therapist, he opted for the second emotion.

“Finnley! I’m so glad you decided to meet with me,” the woman said brightly, and gestured towards the still-open elevator door. Finnley glowered at her, hoping that she’d get the cue to drop the false cheeriness. They rode up to the third floor in silence, and Finnley watched the easy way she slid the key card in to unlock the door. When he was younger, he would always fumble with the card and the slot, though his mother would always let him be the one to do it.

Shaking the thought away — he didn’t want any stray memories catching him off guard — he followed Dr. Lark into the hotel room. It wasn't bad for a hotel room, and Dr. Lark kept her few things tidy.

“Have a seat anywhere you want,” she said, tucking the key card back into her pocket. Having just come from the detention room, he wanted nothing more than to stand and stretch himself out, but he would need to sit down in order to talk about Allie. He took a seat in the surprisingly plush chair by the window. The view outside was only of the street below.

Dr. Lark settled in the chair opposite him and pulled out a pad of lined paper, blue eyes settled on his face. “So. Do you want to talk to me about your sister?”

No, Finnley thought, but his mouth formed the word ‘yes’. “I did some writing. About Allie. I hope it's okay if I read it.” He told himself that he was only acting nice because he needed to in order to do magic again, but some small part of himself seemed to want to remember. Wanted to share those moments of Allie.

Dr. Lark took notes in green pen while Finnley read, proud that he had managed to make the process a little less emotional. It was as if, once on paper and read aloud, the memories weren't a part of his heart any longer. This pleased Finnley, but it caught Dr. Lark’s attention.

“I know you spent time working on these, Finnley,” she said after he had gone through several, “and I know they're dear to you. But you've detached yourself from them so much that I don't know if I can talk to you much about Allie through them.”

Dr. Lark tapped the end of the pen against her lips and Finnley realized that he was actually waiting to hear what she had to say.

“What can you remember about the night you heard about her death?” she asked suddenly.

The question shot through him like a bolt of lightning. That night… The memories began to rise, unbidden, and as they came to the forefront of his mind, Finnley began to talk. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
641 Reviews


Points: 46598
Reviews: 641

Donate
Sun May 27, 2018 8:18 am
View Likes
Panikos wrote a review...



Hiya, Querencia! Happy Review Day! At the very least, I'm going to use today to get up to date with your lovely novel.

Still, the after-school punishment was more tedious than anything else. It made Finnley restless, but every time he shifted in his seat, the ancient desk let out a pitiful squeak of protest that sounded loudly in the quiet of the room.


You don't actually mention what the punishment is. Are they just sitting in the room, silent? Do they have to write lines? You're rather unspecific. Then again, maybe it's just because I was a massive goody-two-shoes at school so I don't have a good grasp of what the typical detention involves.

Finnley had called her that morning and agreed to meet in her hotel room.


Yeah, I agree with BlueAfrica that this is strange. I find the whole notion of Dr Lark travelling all the way out to Finnley's new town a bit hard to believe in the first place, given that she's probably got other clients to see back in her own town. That aside, it seems so much more appropriate to meet a therapist in their actual office rather than the client's home or a random hotel room.

he tugged the door open and was assaulted with a blast of heat from the interior of the building.


The general rule of thumb is to avoid passive constructions. They're less immediate and seem to put more distance between the reader and the action. Something like 'he tugged the door open and heat blasted over him, rushing out from the interior' might make a good alternative.

It wasn't bad for a hotel room, and Dr. Lark kept her few things tidy.


'It wasn't bad' tells me very little about the room. You can still be brief, but be specific. How is it coloured? Are there generic paintings on the walls? Does it have a particular smell?

I've not got any other specific comments about this chapter, but a final note on Dr Lark's approach right at the end. Put frankly, I don't really like it. Again, maybe she is just a bad therapist, but it seems such a terrible idea to just dismiss the memories he's written down and just jump straight into talking about Allie's death. I get that she might be concerned about Finnley detaching himself from Allie by just writing about her, but there are subtler and more effective ways to get around that. She could comment on parts of the memories that he's recalling, ask him questions about them, encourage him to elaborate. Considering that he's had a hard time talking about her at all until now, it seems dumb that she wouldn't gently encourage him with his positive memories. Jumping straight to the source of the pain just runs the risk of making him clam up again.

I don't think she shouldn't raise that question, but I'd like to her build up to it more gradually. I think the reader should hear Finnley read out the memories he's written - I was surprised that you skimmed over them. Then Dr Lark could ask him more specific questions about Allie and they could start having more of a proper conversation about it. Then, perhaps, she could raise the question of the night Allie died. If she eased Finnley into the topic more gradually, I can't help but think it would be more suspenseful. I'd also love the opportunity to hear Finnley's memories first-hand, because Allie still feels like a huge mystery to me for the most part.

That's about all. A few realism hiccups and I think the chapter could be better paced, but it's not far off where it needs to be. I confess, I am curious to hear about the night Allie died, because I've been wondering about that since the beginning of the novel.

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




Que says...


<3 Thank you for the review~ (actually all three of them!!)
Then again, maybe it's just because I was a massive goody-two-shoes at school so I don't have a good grasp of what the typical detention involves.

Aaaaaand that would be why I don't know what happens in detention. Other than what I've seen in movies. I should probably actually figure that out...



User avatar
1735 Reviews


Points: 91980
Reviews: 1735

Donate
Mon May 07, 2018 4:56 pm
View Likes
BluesClues wrote a review...



Oh, right, I remember one thought I had while reading this, which was: it's a little creepy that Finnley's supposed to go talk to Dr. Lark at her hotel room. Like I get that he doesn't want her creeping in on his territory at home and doesn't want to risk anyone else overhearing him/freaking out and having a breakdown in public.

But

he is a teenage boy

she is a grown woman

and

she's his therapist

which means there's a certain amount of power there/potential emotional dependence on his part. Even though I know really there's no emotional dependence because he doesn't even like her. Still. It just read as kind of creepy that he was going there alone. I really wanted an adult to go with him, even though I know the point is to have this confidentiality. It's just not the same when it's alone in a hotel room vs alone in an office with a receptionist and his mom right outside the door.

So I realize nothing creepy (in that way) is going to happen and that you didn't mean it to read like that/probably didn't even think about it, but that's how it read to me, so I just wanted to make you aware of it.

I'm so bummed out for him that he felt like he was making progress by writing out all these memories of Allie, but then Dr. Lark is like "hmm you're really just distancing yourself even further, no good, start over!" I'm hoping in the next chapter we'll at least get to see a few more memories. You don't really realize just how damaged and messed up Finnley was by Allie's death until these last few chapters - he spends hardly any time throughout the story thinking about her, and then you get here and realize it's because he's like me it hurts too much and he can't handle it and it's easier to hide out from it.

(Seems like that runs in the family.)

In other news, I miss Mia and I'm waiting to get back to her/monsters/magic but mostly her.




Que says...


Oh, uh, true. To be honest I didn't even want them to meet in a hotel room, but I don%u2019t know a less public but also not invasive space? Maybe a park. It is like November after all, it should be a little more devoid of people. But still. There's a balance of needing someone there for reassurance/also needing no one there to hear inner memories and such.

Also I miss Monica and Mia both so much but I sort of have to keep them out of it for now so that Finnley can work through some things without friend support. They're still recovering. Hopefully Mia will be back soon, though, because it's so sad when she%u2019s not there. :c



User avatar
1735 Reviews


Points: 91980
Reviews: 1735

Donate
Mon May 07, 2018 1:59 pm
View Likes
BluesClues says...



okay seriously poke me about this one bc I've read it and I do want to review it for heaven's sakes





I AM NOT GOING "FULL COW" ON SOMEBODYYYYYY
— whatchamacallit