Guess who's back, back again~
"Let me tell them." Monica looked dead ahead at Finnley and Mia, no tremor in her voice or her hands. "I'm dead."
Aha. Called it. If I'm being honest, this isn't really the shock it could've been, because Moncia's spookiness has been preeeettty obvious for a long time. Definitely tone down the hints earlier on. It'd be great if we went through a sustained period of normality with us not really thinking anything was odd about Monica and then BAM, we find out that she's a ghost.
I'm going to guess that you've read The Raven Boys, because I'm sure I remember you mentioning Maggie Stiefvater on your wall before, but just in case you haven't (and in case any random peeps who haven't read it are scanning this review) I'll stick this in a spoiler:
If it turns out you haven't read The Raven Boys, go read it! Then check the spoiler.
He stammered. Mia noticed her mouth was slightly ajar and promptly shut it.
Just watch out for head-hopping. It feels weird for us to be told what Mia noticed because the story is usually aligned with Finnley's point of view.
Finnley didn't know what he could safely ask. How did you die? Too morbid, probably personal too. How does being a ghost even work? He wasn't sure if Monica even knew that herself.
I literally love how awkward Finnley is. Like he's just found out that his friend is a ghost and he's just sweatin' because he can't figure out what the 'right' thing to say is. So relatable, honestly.
"And you promise to tell him?" Mr. Vaughn was saying, staring intently at Monica. "You'll fulfill your purpose?"
"I promise," Monica said. "I will."
"Good. And then you'll leave?"
I feel like it's strange that they had the tail end of this conversation right in front of Finnley and Mia. It still feels very private, and thus like it's only there to create Deliberate Intrigue. I think it would be more realistic if you cut this bit and just went straight to Mr Vaughn saying his thing about not breaking any rules.
So their friend wasn't really alive. So what? It was a huge deal, and yet it changed nothing about their relationships. It was just who she was- admittedly, a really strange, supernatural and dead part of who she was- but it was who she was nonetheless. Finnley hadn't thought less of her the day before and he wouldn't think less of her now. It seemed that their friendships had only grown stronger from this.
I do quite like the upbeat tone of this ending, but it's maybe a little on the sentimental side for me. I'm not sure I fully buy that they'd be completely okay with it so quickly. I'm not saying it would create a massive conflict in the friendship, but I can imagine Finnley needing a few days to acclimatise and come to terms with things. It's a little on the convenient side, and perhaps a bit too optimistic for my cynical soul.
Still, a pretty good chapter. Even though I saw the reveal coming, it does open up a lot of interesting questions about who Monica really is, how she died, why she's back, and what the dangers are of her having come back as a ghost. I'm looking forward to finding out more about her situation, because I still find her to be the most interesting character.
Keep writing!
~Pan
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